Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ok fine people here's the deal. My friend has a serious problem with a relationship he is in and since i don't know what to tell him i need some input. The background is he and his girlfriend are in a serious relationship and have been together for like 6 months. They both claim to love each other and have perfect chemistry. Really they seem like a perfect couple husband and wife to me and others from the outside. Here's the problem his girlfriend's parents believe in arranged marriages. Well i have little understanding of this but he tells me that his girl's parents have found an amicable match and want their daughter to marry this guy they have found. What complicates the situation further is that my friend was getting ready to propose to this girl. The girl is really messed up over the issue b/c she dosen't want to leave my friend but she also dosen't want her parents to hate her. I think it might be a classic case of religious or personal beliefs of one's family getting in the way of two people that are in love. I just found out about this today and i haven't a clue what advice to give my friend, what does everyone think about this, what should my friend do here, he is really stressed out about this b/c he dosen't want to lose his incredible girlfriend?
Ok fine people here's the deal. My friend has a serious problem with a relationship he is in and since i don't know what to tell him i need some input. The background is he and his girlfriend are in a serious relationship and have been together for like 6 months. They both claim to love each other and have perfect chemistry. Really they seem like a perfect couple husband and wife to me and others from the outside. Here's the problem his girlfriend's parents believe in arranged marriages. Well i have little understanding of this but he tells me that his girl's parents have found an amicable match and want their daughter to marry this guy they have found. What complicates the situation further is that my friend was getting ready to propose to this girl. The girl is really messed up over the issue b/c she dosen't want to leave my friend but she also dosen't want her parents to hate her. I think it might be a classic case of religious or personal beliefs of one's family getting in the way of two people that are in love. I just found out about this today and i haven't a clue what advice to give my friend, what does everyone think about this, what should my friend do here, he is really stressed out about this b/c he dosen't want to lose his incredible girlfriend?
Sounds as though that "perfect love" your friend and his girl supposedly share is about to be severely tested.
For people in cultures that engage in arranged marriages it can be extremely difficult to go against ones parents wishes. To do so is a huge sign of disrespect. In addition, I believe she can be financially cut off in a heartbeat if she doesn't go along with their plans.
So, much will depend on how old and financially self sufficient this young lady is. Is she thru college and self-supporting yet? There's a bigger chance she'll choose to go against her parents wishes if she is.
She will be under EXTREME pressure to comply with her folks. But, if she truly loves your friend and knows he is "the one" I sincerely hope she finds the strength to make her own choice. At some point in life we have to all learn to withstand the wrath others may unleash toward us when we are not doing what they want us to do and STILL be willing to follow our own hearts. People who can't do that aren't ready to be married anyway.
From what I'm reading about this "girl", I will assume she is young. More importantly, this couple has known each other for 6 months and he is ready to propose? It all sounds too young, too soon and too fast.
Apparently he doesn't know her and her culture well enough. I'd assume he has not met her family nor had a chance to get to know them. It's just too soon. If she were to marry him she will need to be able to make a clean break from her family. I'd question if she is willing and ready to do that. If she were she'd simply state that she is unwilling to marry the match her parents have found and would know that he choice would mean loosing contact with her family.
Even without the difference in religion/culture, 6 months is very little time. To determine to spend your life with one person, knowing them only for a few months is not a mature approch to life. (I know it's happened before and may have worked - but it's risky and rare.)
I think your friend needs to re-think his standing and reconsider this relationship. It has little chance of working.
Any woman who is not mature enough to stand up to her parents for what she feels is important is not mature enough for the responsibilities of marriage.
Any woman who is not mature enough to stand up to her parents for what she feels is important is not mature enough for the responsibilities of marriage.
Any woman who is not mature enough to stand up to her parents for what she feels is important is not mature enough for the responsibilities of marriage.
Thanks for all of the quick replies. It sounds like many here think i should tell him to get out of the relationship. They are both in their early 20's incase anyone needed to know. It just seems so wierd to me based on what i know. I don't understand why someone's parents would want them to just marry someone they pick out. I'm not disrespecting their beliefs i just don't understand. Imo people should date, be together, fall in love, then if they feel the same way and compliment each other well get married. I just don't understand how a random person that hasn't had the chance to do this with someone could want to marry them? Like what is this other guy thinking or for that matter his parents?
Thanks for all of the quick replies. It sounds like many here think i should tell him to get out of the relationship. They are both in their early 20's incase anyone needed to know. It just seems so wierd to me based on what i know. I don't understand why someone's parents would want them to just marry someone they pick out. I'm not disrespecting their beliefs i just don't understand. Imo people should date, be together, fall in love, then if they feel the same way and compliment each other well get married. I just don't understand how a random person that hasn't had the chance to do this with someone could want to marry them? Like what is this other guy thinking or for that matter his parents?
You sound very young, and that you've also never had an east Indian friend, lol
This is a cultural thing that is very normal among east Indians, among others.
Sure it seems weird to us Americans, but arranged marriages have been around since Biblical times. Marriage is thought of differently in other parts of the world, not so romanticized as here.
But if your friend was really ready to propose, really had thought about it and decided he is ready for the responsibility of a wife, he'd better act quickly like Miyu suggested.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
