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Mike, someone could be genuinely interested in you, in fact you could be the love of her life...her dream man, but she will take a pass because she wants to have children with the man she loves. It's not shallowness, it's the maternal instinct.
I understand deciding not to have children, but I can't get the idea of choosing adoption over having your own if you don't have to for the life of me...
I suspect these women are writing you off because they don't think there is a legitimate explanation. At your age, I can't say I disagree with them. It is not the norm, so that makes you look just a bit 'different' to them.
Mike, someone could be genuinely interested in you, in fact you could be the love of her life...her dream man, but she will take a pass because she wants to have children with the man she loves. It's not shallowness, it's the maternal instinct.
If a woman really wants to have biological kids, that should come out on the first few dates. I don't think anyone is going to fall head over heels for someone and date for years, THEN find out about the vasectomy and realize that they actually want babies and need to find someone else.
Mike, it would absolutely not be a turn off to me that you got snipped. I love your desire to adopt, and think that's a great idea. I've been discussing similar things with my husband. I don't know if I want children or not, but if we decide to be parents we're going to pursue adoption. My genes are no better than anyone else's.
I suspect these women are writing you off because they don't think there is a legitimate explanation. At your age, I can't say I disagree with them. It is not the norm, so that makes you look just a bit 'different' to them.
How is "I don't want biological kids" not a legitimate explanation?
Do you see any legitimate reason for a 26 year old man to be limited or denied the right to solely because of his age? Thats ridiculous. I'm a 26 year old tax paying MAN, not a child. As when talking to most women I consider dating the topic of intimacy, children, etc...comes up. I'm not one to beat around the bush or lie so I tell them I'm snipped when asked so that I can weed out anyone who's not genuinely interested in me.
Its crazy the attitude the medical field has toward sterilization. It is the same deal for women. Personally, I think it is because they make lots of money on pregnancy, childbirth and pediatrics.
As far a society, one would think the idea of sterilization for those who do not want children would be embraced instead of embracing those with no personal responsibility having kids willy nilly.
Not for nothing, but I'm surprised you found a doctor who would perform that procedure on someone so young. Maybe men don't get the paternalism women do. If a 26-year-old woman wanted her tubes tied, she'd be hard-pressed to find a doctor who would do it because "Oh, honey, you just haven't met the right person yet. When you do, you'll want to give him children."
That's not to say men don't change their minds. My ex-husband said he wanted a vasectomy when he was 28. Now he has two kids with his second wife.
But hey, good on ya for knowing what you want and taking action. I commend you for being in control of your reproductive fate. Surely, there are women out there who think like I do. If I were single and your age and knew a man like you, I'd consider the vasectomy a plus. But that's just me, because I knew in my early 20s that I didn't want kids. (And 20 years along, that never changed.)
I have a four year old and have no desire whatsoever to have any more. If there weren't too many cons to having a hysterectomy at age 23, I would do it in a heartbeat. Your not weird - you just know what you want. I admire that.
Why a hysterectomy? Getting your tubes tied or blocked would do the trick. Unless you have fibroids or world-rocking endometriosis, a hysterectomy is a more extreme procedure than necessary for sterilization.
I just believe procreating for the sake of "leaving a legacy" is quite vain and immature.
And futile. It's only because I've recreated my family tree by doing genealogy that I've discovered the blizzard of cousins scattered across the country. It's not like that information was kept and passed on. I had to look it up by researching census and court records. Unless someone in the family takes on the duty to be the dynastic historian and it gets passed on to future generations, people are generally gone and forgotten within a very short span of time.
I assuming that the woman of his dreams will have similar views on reproduction that he does.
I'm a woman who never wants to have children. I can assure you that my dream man will not want children either.
::standing ovation::
I got that crap, too: "What if the Right Man comes along?"
Me: "errrrm, the Right Man wouldn't want kids"
And, yes, I have dated guys with all the supposed right qualities: intelligent, good sense of humor, decent looking .. but the minute he started talking about wanting to be a father, I lost my girl woody for him. That was a definite turn off.
Last edited by silverwing; 08-11-2010 at 03:41 PM..
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