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If you both have good jobs and are frugal in other areas, you can pay off student loan debt rather quickly. My husband graduated with $30k worth of debt, and we had the whole thing paid off in under 2 years. It's not a life sentence if getting that degree got you a good job on the other side.
"For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer".
What would make me concerned is if the SO had to go to a super expensive school to study something that had no job prospects on the other side. If someone came to me with $150k of student loans and a degree in basket weaving, I'd question their financial judgment. That same $150k worth of loans and an engineering degree from Cal Tech though could have been a sound investment.
Believe it or not, people's comments can be drastically different depending on the gender of the person who started the thread.
its just too bad that there are straight men and women who have a chip on their shoulder about the opposite sex from past experiences.
they're conniving on both sides, just gotta look for the warning signs.
i think the OP saw someone get burned awhile back and wants to prevent the same issue in his life.
the fact that he is aware it is possible, just means he's that much better prepared to see the red flags.
if the OP had said:
Quote:
How would you feel if the girl you were dating had a lot of credit card debt (say about $50k) and you know that you will be the one that has to pay it off if you get married to her (the assumption being that a woman will quit work because she feels that a man should provide solely for the home).
I'm assuming this would put enormous strain on the relationship? Would it also make you feel really vulnerable knowing that if she left you, not only would she get half of everything you own but also would have her entire credit card debt paid off and you would be left with nothing but the clothes on your back.
then i would say RUN FOR THE HILLS.
anything having to do with debt needs a discussion, the woman is probably man enough to pay off her own debt.
(hell there are men out there who aren't man enough to pay their own debt)
I agree, if the OP were a woman, perhaps the answers would be different. Why should you be responsible for someone else's debt? And yes, she could divorce him, as many women do and he could end up paying child support and alimony while eating cat food in a studio apartment somewhere, after having paid the debt on her behalf.
First: consult a lawyer. You'll have to pay a couple of hundred to find out if your state is a "community property" state and what, if there's anything you can do to protect yourself in the event of a divorce.
Second: discuss the debt payoff plan with the prospective wife. Personally, I wouldn't pay 50 grand on ANYONE's behalf, but I'm a woman. I also am bitter that I didn't end up with a guy who would pay my debts and give me a place to live. Ohh, I think I'm getting a stomachache from jealousy and bitterness.
Anyway, you can at least decide how much you plan to pay together to get rid of her loans. It may even be possible for her to work for a couple of years in a field that provides some sort of student-loan-forgiveness before you start a family.
How would you feel if the girl you were dating had a lot of student loan debt (say about $50k) and you know that you may be the one that will have to pay it off if you get married to her (the assumption being that a woman may have to quit work to have and care for children etc.).
I'm assuming this would put enormous strain on the relationship? Would it also make you feel really vulnerable knowing that if she left you, not only would she get half of everything you own but also would have her entire student debt paid off and you would be left with nothing but the clothes on your back.
I would say you would be hard pressed to find anyone who has a college degree without debt. There are some but not the majority. You seem to make alot of assumptions about your "future wife". How do you know she doesn't want to continue working after kids....they have daycares for that kind of thing you know.
I agree with the others who say you need to take it one step and a time. Who knows, IF you get married, YOU could end up being the house-hubby!
Well, you should be cautious about marrying someone with debt, especially if you are a particularly debt averse individual.
I have student loans- my fiance does not. His parents paid for his college completely, while I funded most of mine with scholarships and grants and very little help from my parents. I also completed a Master's degree, and he has not. He also makes more money than I do, so on paper, I must look like a risk to him.
HOWEVER- even before we got engaged, he would see me working hard at several jobs and putting as much money as I could towards my debt without starving to death, so he knows this isn't something we'll be stuck with the rest of our lives. Even though I am going back to school in the fall for my terminal degree, I will actually graduate with less debt than I started out with because even though my payments are deferred, I'm not stopping them, just focusing on the ones without deferred interest. Once we get married, we are going to chuck my whole salary towards my loans and pay them off within a year.
That is a situation that works well for either gender- just as any person with a careless attitude towards debt is a potential liability. I am thinking of a friend of my mom who's husband ran up a HUGE credit card debt while cheating on her, and since they both work, they get to split the bill. Yikes!
There is so much wrong with this I don't know where to start. As Coolhand said, slow down.
Next, you're going to be hard-pressed to find any college-educated person who doesn't have debt these days. The exceptions are people who have extremely wealthy parents or who won full scholarships. Education is expensive, and most people in the middle class simply can't afford it without taking out student loans.
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I agree with Avienne and Coolhand....wooooo slow it down. You would be hard pressed to find a college grad without debt in student loans in this day and age. I commend students who take loans and participate in paying for their education. A college degree is like a high school degree use to be. She will certainly be making more money than someone with a HS diploma. Hey, you should be concerned with the divorce rate at 50% so get a pre-nup if you get married. Maybe you will calm down and enjoy the relationship and the pregnancy and the kids and so on and on.....
How would you feel if the girl you were dating had a lot of student loan debt (say about $50k) and you know that you may be the one that will have to pay it off if you get married to her (the assumption being that a woman may have to quit work to have and care for children etc.).
I'm assuming this would put enormous strain on the relationship? Would it also make you feel really vulnerable knowing that if she left you, not only would she get half of everything you own but also would have her entire student debt paid off and you would be left with nothing but the clothes on your back.
It depends. My dh had some debt when we married, tho, it wasn't for anything worthy like school. We're currently collecting that debt. I certainly took precautions prior to the marriage and planned, but it is what it is. I'm paying it off. I don't consider what ifs. I trust my judgment and pondering what ifs that are so far a way is a good way to waste the short time we have on this planet.
Any way, does it strain the relationship? Well, money tends to strain relationships if things get bad. Fortunately, I have a good job. Hopefully, he will have a good job when he graduates. His choice of major was a discussion we had. I didn't make the choice for him, to be clear, he chose to torture himself with chem, but I let him know that I wasn't very comfortable with him getting a liberal arts degree if he had no clear plan.
So, if you're worried then reason tells you should probably stick with dating a potential high earner. It's unlikely this type of woman is going to give up her career to be a SAHM, tho. And then you also have to be of a similar sort yourself. Birds of a feather and all.
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