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How do you deal with conflict in your relationship? Your spouse has a bone to pick with you. Do you yell or interrupt? Do you drudge up issues from the past? Do you point out your partners flaws to deflect the situation? Do you just get over a disagreement and act like it never happened? Do you hold a grudge? Do you use the silent treatment? Admit you were wrong? Do you say you are sorry? I'm sure I've omitted a few options.
Location: Phoenix...until next week, then Maryland...tick tock tick tock
169 posts, read 607,755 times
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Yeah, you can only stuff problems for so long...eventually they will start seeping out sideways somewhere.
I don't like conflict either, but if something is bothering me, I have to get it dealt with...& promptly. If I don't, it will just sit there & fester & it will become a much bigger deal than it really needed to be.
I wish I could say that my BF & I discuss things calmly & rationally, but while he is far more patient than I, we are both somewhat hot-tempered. Things do usually get a little loud if we are both mad.
Sometimes things from the past do get resurrected, but I try to limit those to being an illustration of a general issue. i.e. if I'm trying to give an example of a specific incident that I used to form a general conclusion. Often, I find myself telling my BF "It hurts my feelings when you do things like that". He asks for specific examples of when he has done such things & I therefore need to try & resurrect past issues. I know women are supposed to be really good at keeping a detailed database of every transgression a man has ever committed...but I seem to have an issue keeping everything in there...
Basically, we try to resolve issues as they occur (sometimes that works, sometimes not...& there are many issues we've had to discuss many times) and when we do fight, we try to actually accomplish something...so that things are better, or at least more resolved, than when we started. Also, I try very hard (usually successfully) to keep arguments from degrading into hurtful name-calling, etc. I've known lots of people who get angry with their partner & the argument consists of little more than "F**K you!" "No, F**k you!" etc. I find that pointless & immature, personally...
I probably did many of those things in early relationships, but the best and most solid relationship(s) I've had used humour to deflect anger. We didn't avoid the issues, but we made jokes about ourselves and each other to point up we were beginning to swim with the sharks. It always worked. We also had cues for each other, and funny names so that often, and among others, one single word was the way to communicate a boner was about to take place.
In addition to this humour, we also found time, once a week, Friday nights after long days at one job each, and a shared partnership, to chill and talk about what was happening in our lives within and outside the relationship.
If there is a conflict, we discuss it. Sometimes I'd rather let it go, but my husband is a talker and loves to talk everything to death. lol We don't yell but we both tend to interrupt. We don't really dredge up past issues and we never name call or make it about each other's flaws. We both sometimes have a hard time accepting responsibility so it can take a while before we can admit we're wrong, apologize, etc.
If your mate has a bone to pick with u I think u should listen before u react...That is if he is coming at u right and with respect. Communication in a relationship is important, but nothing beats a clear understanding. If u have that then u r well on your way to resolving any conflict.
I tell my husband if I think he's acting like a jacka$$.
I try not to engage with him and vice versa, we have to remove ourselves so we don't get "into" it. Then of course hours later we will say "we need to talk". Then we have our little talks, sometimes we get alot worked out and sometimes we don't get much out of them. But usually we end up coming to an understanding (even if we don't agree with each other).
I hate yelling or arguing with someone I care about. I won't do it. If there's a problem, I'd prefer to talk about it calmly so we can understand each other's viewpoint and then find a workable compromise.
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