Do you want to have kids? (social, conversation, different, relations)
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When I was a teen ager, none of my friends "wanted kids".
But once in a while somebody's girlfriend would get pregnant.
What usually happened was that they both dropped out of school, got married, the boy got a job in a local factory or mill, and they embarked on their life together. Sometimes they stayed together, had more kids and a normal life and sometimes not.
Another common scenario, especially for the girl who's family had money, was that she would go away for a while. When she got back, the story was that she was visiting relatives out of state. She didn't have a baby with her and there was never any mention of one.
The third solution was not a happy one, but was surprisingly common. The kids were shamed and punished by their parents who would not allow them to marry. There was no public assistance at the time so the girl would have to give the baby to her parents who would raise it while she was forbidden to ever see her boyfriend again.
Many times the boy would drop out of school and join the service and the girl would live in her parents home in misery. More often than not they would chose to end their lives together in the back seat of his car.
This was in the 1950's, those kinder, gentler times that people are always referring to as "The Good Old Days".
I've always wanted kids. I grew up in a big family and I want that when I'm older (I'm only 19.) It'd be amazing if I could get a son, a set of twins (boys) and a little girl. I might even adopt at some point too. Of course I'll be happy however it happens.
Course I also want a career, to travel the world, etc. I want so many things, I'm just not sure how it will all turn out.
Wow. Nice person. Are you teaching your "beautiful children" to be so judgmental Do you think that it takes bringing a child into your life to know unconditional love? Where's your (assumed) spouse in this chain of devotion?
As another poster stated, you don't know the circumstances of women who don't have kids (and what about men? do you quiz them on their parental status?). I can only imagine your reaction to the avowed childfree. If a relative or friend is CF, are you going to think something is "wrong" with them? If one of your KIDS turns out to be CF, will they be grilled on what's "wrong" with them? Despite your indoctrination, it may turn out that way.
Keep up that attitude and you may end up at the pissed off/hurt end reaction of someone close
I don't believe in the maternal instinct. I also don't ascribe to the simple-minded notion that children are beee-you-tee-full, therefore everyone should want one. Even worse is the God-linked/gift assumption *puke*. Studies done by anthropologists have found the desire to be a mother, or even to raise a child once it's born, to be a complicated process. An interesting article in Salon describes the research and conclusions drawn by Sarah B. Hrdy Salon | She loves me, she loves me not
Since the article came out in 1999, Hrdy (herself a devoted mother) has done further studies on the choice to have children and how changing times have impacted the views of people toward raising children. Several of her articles can be found here Recent Articles by Sarah B. Hrdy (http://www.citrona.com/articlesbysbh.htm - broken link) including an article in Time magazine on paternal care The Psychology of Fatherhood - TIME
Knee-jerk reactions to the choice of parenthood comes from not thinking very much about it. Some of us do and don't automatically lump people in "wrong" or "right" categories according to their choices.
I never said anything about God. That is your hang up. I said it is natural to want children. If for some medical reason the person can not have children that is one thing but to say I just do not want kids is selfish. Yes, I would be curious if a relative was CF. I do not know anyone who is CF by choice. Maybe the people who choose to be CF are singles who have not been able to find a decent person to have a loving committed relationship with. Married couples who are in a happy relationship who choose to be CF usually have money and do not want to be tied down. That would be selfish.
Married couples who are in a happy relationship who choose to be CF usually have money and do not want to be tied down. That would be selfish.
Holy crap, did you really just say this? We don't have kids and by no means do we have money.We can barely provide for ourselves and we don't even have that much debt. Can barely afford gas and groceries are just as bad, but by all means I best have a child so not to be selfish. Nevermind they won't have much because their parents can't provide them with neccessities, but hey, I won't be selifish anymore. I'll have to work 3 jobs and put them in daycare which my checks will go towards, but hey, I won't be selfish anymore.
Or better yet, I can bring a child into a sucky world and wonder if their school will be the next Columine or our city the next 9-11. But hey, if I have a child then I won't be selfish and there will be someone to take care of me when I'm old because that's what it's all about..NOT
You don't know one iota about me. Get off your high horse and quit calling CF couples selfish!
Oh and if you didn't read the first time, I've worked with kids of all ages over the last 22 years. So by all means go ahead and judge me.
Last edited by UW Badgers; 04-28-2008 at 10:59 AM..
I never said anything about God. That is your hang up. I said it is natural to want children. If for some medical reason the person can not have children that is one thing but to say I just do not want kids is selfish. Yes, I would be curious if a relative was CF. I do not know anyone who is CF by choice. Maybe the people who choose to be CF are singles who have not been able to find a decent person to have a loving committed relationship with. Married couples who are in a happy relationship who choose to be CF usually have money and do not want to be tied down. That would be selfish.
I don't see how not wanting kids is selfish. Kids aren't for everybody, so I don't think thats selfish.
I don't want kids, am I selfish? But you're right, most CF people are single, which is completely unfair. Its troubles me that so many girls in my age group (18-20) do want kids, making it almost impossible for me to find one who doesn't. I wouldn't date a girl who has kids, who wants them, or can't make up her mind.
I'm 19 and I'm not too young to keep my promise. I won't change my mind, like most would predict. I know a guy around my age who doesn't want kids either. I guess its better t be single than deal with drama and kids.
Last edited by wclac; 04-28-2008 at 10:12 AM..
Reason: Adding more detail.
Holy crap, did you really just say this? We don't have kids and by no means do we have money.We can barely provide for ourselves and we don't even have that much debt. Can barely afford gas and groceries are just as bad, but by all means I best have a child so not to be selfish. Nevermind they won't have much because their parents can't provide them with neccessities, but hey, I won't be selifish anymore. I'll have to work 3 jobs and put them in daycare which my checks will go towards, but hey, I won't be selfish anymore.
Or better yet, I can bring a child into a sucky world and wonder if their school will be the next Columine or our city the next 9-11. But hey, if I have a child then I won't be selfish and there will be someone to take care of me when I'm old because that's what it's all about..NOT
You don't know one iota about me. Get off your high horse and quit calling CF couples selfish!
I agree with everything you said. People always make these excuses like "Who's going to take care or you when you're older?" I can take care of myself.
I never said anything about God. That is your hang up. I said it is natural to want children. If for some medical reason the person can not have children that is one thing but to say I just do not want kids is selfish. Yes, I would be curious if a relative was CF. I do not know anyone who is CF by choice. Maybe the people who choose to be CF are singles who have not been able to find a decent person to have a loving committed relationship with. Married couples who are in a happy relationship who choose to be CF usually have money and do not want to be tied down. That would be selfish.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish in this regard. I will readily say that I don't want kids out of selfishness. Don't fool yourself though, most parents want kids for selfish reasons too. I don't believe for one minute that parents think about the greater good of the world when they have kids. If you have any purely altruistic reasons for having kids, please share them. I have yet to hear any from the parents.
I never said anything about God. That is your hang up. I said it is natural to want children. If for some medical reason the person can not have children that is one thing but to say I just do not want kids is selfish. Yes, I would be curious if a relative was CF. I do not know anyone who is CF by choice. Maybe the people who choose to be CF are singles who have not been able to find a decent person to have a loving committed relationship with. Married couples who are in a happy relationship who choose to be CF usually have money and do not want to be tied down. That would be selfish.
It is selfish for me to not want children, but not in a bad way and I love it and I will stay that way for the rest of my life. I'm 25 years old, single & loving it, and I am a very strong Christian and was raised in a family where it has been expected that you reproduce within the first 2 years of marriage. But I don't agree to that. I do agree that children are a gift from God, but that is a lifestyle that just isn't for me. I grew up where my parents were in a loveless marriage and I often felt my brother and I were to blame for it because if they had not had children, then there wouldn't be any problems for them to get a divorce or possibly they would still be happy in love together, and have no financial strains but instead... they had us and have been staying together for "the kids" which is bull****. I would have rather they got a divorce and left us out of their ****ty marriage. But this is the world most children are exposed to day after day. Most families are really great at hiding their unhappy lives, but behind closed doors it's a different story. This is why I choose not to have children and why I feel most everyone should reconsider their choice. I don't want my kids being exposed to other children's problems. I want them to be happy and enjoy life every chance they get, but it's near impossible to do anymore these days. So please, don't tell me, negatively, that I am being selfish. I think it's selfish for someone to want to have children. It's not like the babies are asking to be born, the parents made that choice for them. And it's a horrible thing to do to a helpless child.
Holy crap... CF people are CF because they haven't found a partner? Holy crap, what rubbish. I'm still single BECAUSE I'm CF.
Just how narrow-minded and senseless can people be?
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Do you think that it takes bringing a child into your life to know unconditional love? Where's your (assumed) spouse in this chain of devotion?
Childfree people are selfish, are we?
