Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The OP is allowed to have preferences for what he wants and doesn’t want for HIS life, just like we all are. He shouldn’t be accused of not having an open heart because of that.
Yes, it is fair. His heart is not open to dating women with children. That's his preference which I do not object to. It allows men whose hearts are open (to women with children) to date them. Everyone's happy.
If I were a man, I would never get involved with a woman with children. No exceptions. The OP wrote a dissertation about it, but the points were essentially valid. I have no idea why women become semi-hysterical about this issue ("What? Do you hate kids? You don't like children?") That has nothing to do with it. An awful lot of men wouldn't date a woman with kids and that's their right and their choice.
No. It would be unkind for you to date them. Leave them be, so that a good man with an open heart can date them.
Everybody has their very own right to date whoever they want. Don't see how it would make a man a bad guy with an ugly heart if he didn't date women with kids.
They are young humans who should be cared for by all society members. It doesn't have to be hands on caring, but certainly not referring to them as baggage would be a nice start.
A young man once said to me he felt children were excess baggage. I was quite surprised to hear such a way of expressing having children. I know deep down he didn't really mean literally baggage. To some people that's how having children feels to them. It's a cold expression and I let him know there are other words to express what he means other than excess baggage. What I think he really meant, and hopefully what everyone else who uses that description means, is that they are glad they don't have to worry about a child when they have enough to worry about with their own lives.
I could've sworn all this was old news. I understand it must be hard to raise kids all on your own, but I'm not going to be a second stringer in the relationship, nor will I go sit in the bullpen and wait for her to "get with the program" all night long because little Junior wants to monopolize all the attention. If I'm in a relationship with a woman, I expect to be on her top priority list, too. And if she can't manage a relationship without the kid getting in the way, she shouldn't be dating. It's that simple.
For what it's worth, I posted a thread up the day before I did this one asking women if they'd date a guy with Asperger's. Unsurprisingly, half of them said no. None of them would give me a straight answer or legitimate reason, but I didn't criticize them. I mean if they aren't willing to accept a guy who isn't perfect as their partner and they lack the magnanimity to understand my disposition, then it serves me no purpose to date them. The difference between single mothers and me is they all had a choice to have children. Not once did I ever get to pick or choose my disposition. That said, I can PROMISE all the readers with a capital P that our society has far more compassion towards single mothers than they ever did Aspies.
Everybody has their very own right to date whoever they want. Don't see how it would make a man a bad guy with an ugly heart if he didn't date women with kids.
As usual, you are reading things between the lines that are not there. Why on earth would you interpret my statement to mean he was a "bad man with an ugly heart" unless you believe that yourself on some level? Good grief, oniHc, get a grip. You are starting to worry me.
Of course he has the right to date whomever he chooses and I think he should exercise that right. It would be unfair and unkind of him to do anything else. For I feel that it takes a man with an especially open heart to date a woman with children. I applaud them and I'm glad to know that there are such men.
Reading these replies aroused my curiosity on the subject, something is missing here.
What about a childless man that has aspirations of starting a family? Dating is one thing, but usually after a few months or years it leads into something more (I.e. moving in together, marriage, etc).
The chances of said guy to have children with a single mother is reduced with every child she brings into the relationship if things get really serious. Unless you have no qualms with having a ton of kids and not enough money to support them all.
Also take note that there are single mothers out there who would rather have a childless man take care of her and her kids without really offering him much in return, it happens way often than we see ourselves. Step-dad is mainly a step down from real dad, and it's taken literally when kids see it that way. Lots of men don't want to feel like a doormat in this situation, it's like being taken advantage of. It's a very ugly feeling of being used for a financial cushion while the kids he swore to take care of have little respect for him. It gets worse if relationship goes sour for the man when family courts are involved. In some states and parts of the world stepdads are liable for child support for the mother's and "baby daddy's" kids. Look it up yourself if you don't believe me, it's that ****ed up. Cohabitation with a single mother is pretty dangerous now too.
No matter how you look at it, it's a crappy situation. Same for a woman, she wants to be a mother and not a babysitter with benefits.
Not trying to offend or denounce single moms here, but this is what your competition, and to an extent our judicial system has done to your chances in the dating pool.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
