Am I being unkind for not dating single mothers? (wife, marriage, child)

[texdav]

No;its your choice on if you want to take on teh responsibilty if you one who dates to look for a partner in life.

[Buburuza13]

No,it is your choice and i consider your thinking a good thinking...it is true,a child means a lot of responsability,emotional and financial...
did you read eat,pray,love elisabeth gilbert?...a child is like a tatoo in your face!!!do it only,when you are commited for it...

you are not obligate to take such a responsability and it has nothing to do with being cruel or bad heart or whatever...to raise somebody's else child,to offer him emotional and finacial support,is a huge,immense responsability....and you should not go into it,if you do not feel like or you are not ready for it..i am european and i noticed many american young single mothers are totally irresponsable,not grown up,not capable of dealing emotionally and finacially themselve with the child or children...a sole mother bring a lot of additional problems,then a woman alone...

[HisTime2010]

Originally Posted by daugenstine

I've stated numerous times why I won't date another woman with kids. A few females suggested I was rigid and swore I'd be a great father. I appreciate their compliments, but that doesn't mean I'm ready for the task. To my friends, I gave the most plausible reasons I could explaining why I'm not inclined to do the deed. I'm not trying to be a jerk; I'm just being honest. For those of you readers that are single moms, think of me doing you a favor in the long run. Here are my reasons.

1. I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT KIDS.
Yes, I know they’re cute, cuddly, and adorable. They’re also loud, obnoxious, whiny, fussy, and attention craving. Further, I have a short temper, and kids have a natural tendency towards testing people’s patience. Just because I'm a nice guy doesn't make me a family man. If I'm in a committed relationship, I expect to be high on her priority list, too.

2. IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO RAISE SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILDREN
A lot of single mothers are looking for meal tickets, and I'm not a two-legged ATM or a substitute father.

3. CHILDREN ALWAYS COME FIRST.
Nine times out of ten, the women will put their children in front of the men. That part I understand, but what I can’t accept is feeling less important, getting pushed aside, or having to sit in the bullpen waiting for her to get with the program because her son or daughter wants to monopolize all the attention.

4. KIDS CREATE MORE DRAMA.
A lot of them are obnoxious little brats. If her kids are misbehaving, I can't discipline them or knock some sense into them because I’m not the parent. Instead, I have to hear them tell me, "You're not my daddy." Hell hath no fury like a mother protecting her young, and if the kid doesn’t like the guy, the relationship is screwed. Most mothers will tell him to take a hike and send him on his merry way before the child does

5. SPONTANEITY IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.
It’s not like I can go on a weekend retreat her like I could with a childless woman. That means I’ll be waiting around to find a babysitter and we’ll have to plan everything out in advance. Quality time alone with the woman isn't so easy when there are kids in the picture; especially, when our dates end up being family outings to Chucky Cheese's and whatnot because we have to find a place that's kid friendly.

6. KIDS AREN’T CHEAP AT ALL.
When they want to go to Disneyland, the toy store, and the candy store, all that stuff adds up fast. Their wanting new clothes for the next school year can burn another hole in your wallet. Bottom line, if I’m dating a single mother, I’ll have to pony up extra cash which reiterates my statement earlier that I’m not a two-legged ATM.

7. LAST BUT NOT LEAST COMES THE BABY DADDY DRAMA.
This is one of the biggest reasons for my skepticism which is why I'm saving this for last. Usually there’s an ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, or whomever that kid's father is looming in the background. Often, he’s the jealous possessive type stirring up trouble because he's afraid I'll steal his family away, and if there's a war going on between him and the mother, I'll most likely get caught right in the crossfire.

Before you single mothers reading this start throwing stones, I want you to know I was raised by one myself. Not once did I ever say single mothers were stupid, irresponsible, needy, or desperate. My mother worked hard to make sure I could live a good life, and I commend her for that. I have the utmost respect for any woman that can raise her child alone, but getting involved with one is another story. I know what I'm talking about because I've dated not one; not two; but three single mothers, and those relationships had “drama” written all over them. Dating is hard enough work, and having a child in the picture usually doubles (sometimes even triples) the work load. The problem I face is that it's harder to find childless women the older I get. Do you think I'm too harsh for not dating single moms?

First let me say, I am a single / divorced mom / No Daddy Drama. That being said, I'm not offended by men who don't want to date me. But I have a question for you. Why do you care if others see you as being harsh or unkind? If you know that's not your strong suit then its not. To me that doesn't mean you can't be a good man to someone who doesn't have kids. That's sort of a preference and knowing yourself, knowing what you can deal with, what you can’t, what you’re willing to deal with and what you’re not willing to deal with. I would rather you be honest about something like that upfront rather than pretend you like kids get involved with me & you hate my kids.

Single parenthood has challenges of its own, but everything doesn't have to be a challenge. There are plenty of men who date women for who they are regardless if they have children or not those are probably better potential suitors for single women.

[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]

[West of Encino]

No it isn't. I don't date single mothers either.

[hopedelivers]

After reading your lenghtly paragraphs of why you don't want to date a woman with children I thank God you don't date them any more. It's very obvious you don't have any tolerance for children, calling them brats, and getting all the attention, not being able to WACK them!!! NO HITTING!!!!! In most states your girlfriend chould lose her child if you Wacked them and they told someone.

I consider myself lucky to have found a man who adores children, me and our life together.

Good luck to you!!!

[TKramar]

I think you're being sensible. You have your reasons why, and it is better for you to be upfront about such things. I don't want kids either--mine or someone else's.

I don't have the patience for kids. When they don't LIVE with me, I can hand them off to their parents when they start to try my patience. I can go away...or they can go home. Either is fine. At the same time, I spent a few hours recently playing with my cousin's daughters. Had them all standing on my back at one point. They had fun, I had fun, but when they started getting cranky, it was time for me to GO. I'm glad to have that flexibility, which I would not have if they were living with me.

[daugenstine]

Look people! I dated three single mothers before, so I know what I'm talking about. I tried being cool about never being number one, but it was easier said than done. There were lots of last-minute cancellations, and spontaneity was out of the question. Plus, all these women claimed there was no baby daddy drama, but that was inevitable. The last woman I dated lied to me when she said her ex-husband lived in Connecticut where she was from. She claimed they got divorced there before she moved here to Austin, Texas.

Later, the guy came after me and hit me with brass knuckles. That's when I broke his nose in self-defense while we were brawling on the street. By the time the cops came, I was on top of the guy going to town on him. Then he tried suing me, but three people saw him assault me first with a deadly weapon. I didn't realize he'd actually been released from the Bexar County Jail in San Antonio. Needless to say, this put lots of strain on our relationship because her son hated me afterward. He despised me because I hurt his daddy though the guy came after me.

After that it was unearthed that the woman was hiding other things from me, too. Let's just say that incident opened Pandora's Box and let to the downfall of our relationship. I haven't ruled out single mothers entirely, but I'd be more inclined to date childless women because of my experience. I realize the older I get, the harder it'll be to find women with no kids. Before I put up this pole, I posted another thread asking women if they'd date a guy with Asperger's Syndrome. Half of them said no, yet only one gave me a straight answer. The rest of them wouldn't dare ever say it to my face.

The difference between me and those single mothers is that they had a choice in the matter whereas I didn't. I know how babies are conceived, and they aren't by accident. Not once in my short 31 years of existence did I ever get to pick or choose my disposition. And though my situation was involuntary, I can promise anyone reading this that our society has far more compassion towards single mothers than they do those on the autism spectrum. That's because a child is tangible whereas autism isn't. There are still people who think all Auties are like Rain Man while there are others who think it's curable. They think if they practice metallurgy on me, feed me the GFCF diet, and don't vaccinate their kids, that all their problems will be solved. It doesn't work that way, folks.

[nat_at772]

Originally Posted by daugenstine

Look people! I dated three single mothers before, so I know what I'm talking about.

I don't think you're being unkind for not dating single mothers if that's what you want to do. I think you're being unkind because you seem to be saying that because I dated 3 single mothers I know all single mothers are X,Y,Z.

I dated three football players that were bad in bed so therefore all football players must be bad in bed.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by natalayjones

I don't think you're being unkind for not dating single mothers if that's what you want to do. I think you're being unkind because you seem to be saying that because I dated 3 single mothers I know all single mothers are X,Y,Z.

I dated three football players that were bad in bed so therefore all football players must be bad in bed.

Well said. It amazes me how fast people can generalize about an entire class of people as if 3 people is a representative sampling.

[daugenstine]

However general you think I might being, it's an understatement that I'll never be number one in the relationship, nor can she be spontaneous with that kid in the picture. Reasons number 3 and 5 are pretty much guaranteed when it comes to dating single mothers.