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Old 08-12-2010, 08:35 PM
 
86 posts, read 358,255 times
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I wanted to know if people prefer a partner with a medium to low self steem , so they feel better with themselves?? Or opposite to that , you feel attracted to someone who is independent and confident..???.Your opinions are appreciated
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Old 08-12-2010, 08:44 PM
 
Location: DFW
40,919 posts, read 48,840,861 times
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Self confidence. I could not live having to prop up someones low self esteem the rest of my life.

Medium would be OK but a low self esteem is usually followed with drama, inferiority complex and way to much work
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Old 08-12-2010, 08:48 PM
 
Location: ATL with a side of Chicago
3,622 posts, read 5,798,181 times
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No low self-esteem, please! It's just begging for trouble. I prefer confidence, all the way...which should NOT be confused with "cockiness".
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Old 08-12-2010, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Massatucky
1,187 posts, read 2,384,564 times
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Uh, no. I want someone like me who is a go-getter, achievement oriented and can make lemon from lemonade, who can have fun on a rainy day and has a positive outlook. My dear ex was a gloomy can't-get-there-from-here type that I spent too much energy on trying to boot her butt into action. She used to say "but I can't...I'm not like you" when she meant "I won't its just too much work".

Gee I miss her............................................... .............not.

Independence and confidence is supremely sexy. Its the way we should all be and its what we should want from a partner. Who needs someone needy? Who wants that kind of clingy "you make me happy" BS? Who needs to be "there" for someone "all the time" EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

As I said to my GF: "I make me happy, you make me happier." Happiness is a habit.

Opposites attract, perhaps. But it ends up being toxic over time. Find someone more like yourself. Trust me on this one.
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Old 08-12-2010, 09:18 PM
 
881 posts, read 1,110,386 times
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Yeah, I find people go a little whacky... intrigued at first, then, well.... they freak out and run away.... then they come back, start trying to take you down a knotch or too, then run away again....lol

JK, not everybody, just people with low self esteem I think?
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Old 08-12-2010, 09:36 PM
 
1,054 posts, read 3,848,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyturquoise View Post
I wanted to know if people prefer a partner with a medium to low self steem , so they feel better with themselves?? Or opposite to that , you feel attracted to someone who is independent and confident..???.Your opinions are appreciated
Is that what it is?? I've been working on totally changing my attitude after going to counselor for dealing with childhood abuse. She pointed out my negativity then I noticed hey my whole family is that way, no wonder I got that way. So I started changing how I thought, acted and felt, put up boundaries and started living for myself instead of trying to please every sh#^head that came into my life. I ditched some emotional vampires along the way and noticed people I knew before now hate me now that I'm more positive, happy and a go-getter. So I shrug them off. Sometimes it seems like smiling in public angers some people as if how dare someone else be happy if I'm not happy. But then it does open the door for wonderful people to come into your life and sometimes they just walk right up to you. Its really quite amazing how it works. I can't stand gloomy gusses anymore though most of my friends used to be those kinds of people. I guess negativity attracts the same. I mostly just ignore people & much of the world around me, walk around smiling and wait for someone else to return the smile to see which side of the fence people are on.
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Old 08-12-2010, 09:45 PM
 
37,424 posts, read 45,616,465 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyturquoise View Post
I wanted to know if people prefer a partner with a medium to low self steem , so they feel better with themselves?? Or opposite to that , you feel attracted to someone who is independent and confident..???.Your opinions are appreciated
A person with good self esteem is far more attractive than someone with poor self-esteem. I can't imagine how anyone would think otherwise. Nothing intimidating about it.
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Old 08-12-2010, 09:47 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,272 posts, read 34,402,478 times
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Definitely not anyone with low-self confidence. I can't imagine being with someone like that.

I don't like arrogance or cockiness though. To me self-confidence is a comfortableness with yourself, warts and all, a willingness to let others see that, and knowing it's all good enough.
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Old 08-12-2010, 10:13 PM
 
1,156 posts, read 2,372,514 times
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I think that we all have times when we doubt ourselves. I know that I can't be "on" 24/7 in terms of self-esteem; I'm always questioning myself, trying to figure out how I can do better, and in the process tend to beat myself up a little too much.

But critically low self-esteem often leads to dangerous and hurtful behaviors. One S.O. had a wonderful sense of humor, was attractive, fun to be with, but his low self-esteem made him do things like cheat with anything that would have him. Or, sometimes, he'd take out his anger/frustration with himself on other people. I suspect that he had a borderline bad drinking problem for a while that nearly landed him in the clink a few times. But the worst thing about his low self-esteem is that it eventually made him unethical--I think that he "punished" other people for the wrongs he felt were done to him, and this made him bitter.

Low self-esteem is damaging not just to the person who has it, but the people who have to live with it. Me, I got tired of picking up all of the pieces of his fractured soul. I tried to encourage him as much as I could, but there were other issues at play, as well.
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Old 08-13-2010, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Iowa
408 posts, read 806,356 times
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Yes, I have noticed that people do get intimidated by confident people. There are some people out there though that are completely overconfident at the same time.
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