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Men need to avoid broadcasting their insecurities. They may think they're hiding it, but most men aren't nearly as subtle as they think. So if you have a jaded view of women, they'll probably pick up on it and reject you just for that
I think that there are some guys, especially on these forums, who are just seething with hostility towards women because they have been burned in the past or they think all women are as bad as some of the women they know. I think they subconciously let this show. I know a guy whose Match profile says "no golddiggers and no headgames" This kind of attitude just shows this "I've been burned and am suspicious of women" mindset that women pick up on and are turned off by.
Men who are jaded with negative attitudes pick up women.. that's along the basic premise of the OP ''Men ditch the nice guy style".. in fact, there are totally abusive bastards that do better with women than some nice guys... go figure? Personally, I think each woman makes her own individualized decision regarding who she goes for and many times can make no logical sense at all! (Not you of course..) I still that it's all propaganda aimed at guys with low self esteem.
Men need to avoid broadcasting their insecurities. They may think they're hiding it, but most men aren't nearly as subtle as they think. So if you have a jaded view of women, they'll probably pick up on it and reject you just for that. This happens to a lot of nice guys. After having been rejected for a long time, they become bitter and jaded. So when they do meet women who might be interested in them, their bitterness appears between the lines when they talk or just their body language. But they don't realize they're sending these signals. So when the woman rejects them, it just reinforces their previous view of women. But rarely does that "nice" guy realize he's actually turning these women off with his attitude.
I really don't agree with your idea at all. Take 2 guys......
1) a good looking guy who is bitter.
2) a "nice guy" who isn't.
Have them act the same "subtle" way. Women who are looking for any excuse to wash out # 2 will claim that he is bitter (and probably dangerous and a fraud). For # 1, they will blame previous women he was involved with and vow to do better for him.
What you are describing here is a justification that women use to make them feel better about themselves, for doing exactly what they have been accusing men of doing, for so long.
They also attribute this to their superior intuition, yet this is never tested or even questioned when they end up in an unhappy marriage or relationship with a #1. Then its all the fault of men, all men.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane It's also perfectly possible for a person to be confident, have a lot of things going for him, and still not be attractive to the women he's meeting. What if he's only surrounding himself with women who aren't attracted to guys like him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdJones
....the guy is plain and simply not attractive enough to the woman. Period. Nothing you can do about that.
Maybe this guy is hanging around with the wrong crowd
For most men, the "right crowd" is just setting him up for a pack of troubles and long term regret. I feel sorry for guys who feel pressure from family to get married because for 2/3 of them, this is likely their future.
Just like women, men need to have standards too. If a guy cannot have them met, he should just be happy that he doesn't need to lower them. Men face almost all the risk of bad marriages so this is actually essential.
Women who can play the game, want someone who is far better than they themselves are and will hold out until they have snagged someone who meets their standards or have little left to offer. Then it's time to look for the nice guys.
I really don't agree with your idea at all. Take 2 guys......
1) a good looking guy who is bitter.
2) a "nice guy" who isn't.
Have them act the same "subtle" way. Women who are looking for any excuse to wash out # 2 will claim that he is bitter (and probably dangerous and a fraud). For # 1, they will blame previous women he was involved with and vow to do better for him.
What you are describing here is a justification that women use to make them feel better about themselves, for doing exactly what they have been accusing men of doing, for so long.
They also attribute this to their superior intuition, yet this is never tested or even questioned when they end up in an unhappy marriage or relationship with a #1. Then its all the fault of men, all men.
It won't let me rep ya!!! Damn! This post is so good it should be embossed and required reading for every young man growing up..
Women are gonna do whatever the heck they want..whatever suits them whether it makes sense or not.. (many times not imo)
For most men, the "right crowd" is just setting him up for a pack of troubles and long term regret. I feel sorry for guys who feel pressure from family to get married because for 2/3 of them, this is likely their future.
Just like women, men need to have standards too. If a guy cannot have them met, he should just be happy that he doesn't need to lower them. Men face almost all the risk of bad marriages so this is actually essential.
Women who can play the game, want someone who is far better than they themselves are and will hold out until they have snagged someone who meets their standards or have little left to offer. Then it's time to look for the nice guys.
I hear what you say.
On the other hand, some peoples' expectations are just way too high. In some cases I would argue it would help some individuals to actually lower their expectations.
I'll give an example. I had a guy friend a few years back who was a lawyer, good finances, the whole thing. But he was also overweight. Nothing wrong with that, with the exception that he was always trying to pick the most gorgeous, physically-fit women [he had an obsession with women that worked out]. Over and over again he was turned down. Duh!
So I told him: dude, you either lower your expectations or lose some damn weight yourself. Perhaps the girls you are trying to hook up with also want a guy with a decent figure; particularly if working out is part of their lifestyle.
So in his case, the problem was not his niceness at all. He had a good profession with a huge salary.
Simply put, he was just not physically attractive enough for the 'crowd' of women he was trying to reach. From that perspectives, his expectations were not helping him.
Women are gonna do whatever the heck they want..whatever suits them whether it makes sense or not.. (many times not imo)
Many times not to you, perhaps. Hey, bigots don't make sense to me. We won't always understand where another is coming from. That's a good thing from where I sit.
I really don't agree with your idea at all. Take 2 guys......
1) a good looking guy who is bitter.
2) a "nice guy" who isn't.
Have them act the same "subtle" way. Women who are looking for any excuse to wash out # 2 will claim that he is bitter (and probably dangerous and a fraud). For # 1, they will blame previous women he was involved with and vow to do better for him.
What you are describing here is a justification that women use to make them feel better about themselves, for doing exactly what they have been accusing men of doing, for so long.
They also attribute this to their superior intuition, yet this is never tested or even questioned when they end up in an unhappy marriage or relationship with a #1. Then its all the fault of men, all men.
What part don't you agree with? That bitterness turns women off?
What's ironic about your post is that it sounds precisely like something I'd expect from the bitter nice guy. He's bitter because he thinks women are looking for any excuse to reject him. He's bitter because he thinks women will overlook the good-looking guy's bitterness when in reality she won't. He's bitter because he sees examples of women whose intuition failed them and now they're jaded and he has no chance with them. And when a woman (rightfully so) rejects a man for seeming bitter, he says women use it to justify feeling better about themselves. Thanks for proving my point about bitter nice guys.
What part don't you agree with? That bitterness turns women off?
What's ironic about your post is that it sounds precisely like something I'd expect from the bitter nice guy. He's bitter because he thinks women are looking for any excuse to reject him. He's bitter because he thinks women will overlook the good-looking guy's bitterness when in reality she won't. He's bitter because he sees examples of women whose intuition failed them and now they're jaded and he has no chance with them. And when a woman (rightfully so) rejects a man for seeming bitter, he says women use it to justify feeling better about themselves. Thanks for proving my point about bitter nice guys.
Hardly "proving your point", but diffinently demonstrated your lack of comprehension.
The "nice guy" is not bitter. That was his statement. However, the "nice guy" is ugly.
The "bitter guy" on the other hand is physically attractive.
I didn't realize it was news to anyone that good looking people can get away with a whole lot more.
Hardly "proving your point", but diffinently demonstrated your lack of comprehension.
The "nice guy" is not bitter. That was his statement. However, the "nice guy" is ugly.
The "bitter guy" on the other hand is physically attractive.
I didn't realize it was news to anyone that good looking people can get away with a whole lot more.
When I was young and naive, I would often run into the successful women chasers who were incredibly bitter and nasty about women. The "nice guys" would say things like "women are generally not like that, they'll soon come to their senses and besides, why are these guys still going after them and poisoning the environment for everyone else?"
Well, the answer is the easy, no string attached sex that these guys regularly get. For this, they despised these women as weak and stupid and were very vocal about this. However, they were smooth enough to cover this up when not in the company of only men. Funny how women never saw this in THEM.
However, Denny is right. I you wait long enough (say into his mid 30s) most nice guys become cynical. This protects some of them from the women who realize that it is time to get a meal ticket.
Its a very simple question all men should ask:
"If she wasn't interested in me when I was younger, what does she see in me now?"
This is why it is essential for older women who are interested in a man to find a good target and do the approaching. Most good men have quit looking seriously by then. It will be a tough sell.
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Personally, I think each woman makes her own individualized decision regarding who she goes for and many times can make no logical sense at all! (Not you of course..
) I still that it's all propaganda aimed at guys with low self esteem. 
This post is so good it should be embossed and required reading for every young man growing up..
