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I saw my best friend's husband leaving his ex-girlfriend's for at least the 10th time in as many weeks today. He text-messaged me, asking me not to mention it to my friend. She tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago...and although she has given me lots of reasons why she tried, this hasn't been one of them.
I know they have been fighting about his "ex" for awhile and he keeps telling her there's nothing going on. He's already been married three times, and she left her first husband for him. (YIKES).
My partner thinks I should tell her (since he has also seen them together), but I don't want too---I think she already probably knows. What do you think?
If my friend were mentally stable, I would tell her, as I would expect the same from her if she saw my man cheating. Finding out later that she knew all along would seem like a betrayal to me. Of course, this depends how close to the friend I am. Good luck with your situation.
No way! Don't tell. What if u do tell and she stays anyway? U r going to be the bad guy in both their eyes. She sounds as if she is too emotionally unstable for u to determine how the news may impact her mental health. In matters of heart it is better to steer clear as much as possible. If u tell u will probably regret it.
I personally would get some proof like pictures or something and send them to her...Sunqueen is right, what if she doesn't believe you or she stays and hates you because you know...
THEN of course there is the fact she tried to kill herself...if you are going to do something that will result in her knowing you need to make sure your friend is safe...I know all of us would never forgive ourselves if we did something that made a friend try to kill themselves.
If it were me, I would want a friend to tell me...but because I know how people are, we want to pretend its not happening, I would want proof.
When I caught my ex cheating, I hacked into his email and found the proof myself or I would never have believed it of him. It sounds like this guy isn't sneaking around if you and another person have seen him coming and going from his girlfriends place.
I have to tell you I have never felt so betrayed in all my life as I did when I found out my husband was having an affair...I would have been terribly crushed to also find out that my friend knew and didn't tell me...make sure this jerk will probably tell her that you knew just to make matters worse.
Wow - without the suicide attempt, my answer would be TELL HER. I suspect she knows, but it's really just the most ego-deflating thing to go through. My ex left me...come to find out, I was the ONLY one who didn't know. Managed to rack up about a 25 lbs. weight loss over that one...I weighed 89 lbs. by the time the divorce was final and looked and felt like death walking. He subsequently wanted to kiss and make up - like a fool, I thought he'd mended his ways and started seeing him again. Took about six weeks before I caught him again, so he obviously hadn't reformed - but I needed the anger to help me push past it. Suffice it to say I got angry enough that even now, 15 years later, he will turn and go the opposite direction if he sees me. (I think it has something to do with the "I will kill you when you least expect it" statement I made in a fit of anger - I have a wicked temper -- but geez, it was just words!)
I don't think your friend is in any condition to hear this right now, although she probably knows - it may be the one thing she isn't sharing with you - if she doesn't know, telling her now could injure her further both mentally and perhaps physically.
Try to be close to her, try to draw her out. See what else is on her mind. Robinhood is right - much depends on how well you know this person - but eventually yes, I would tell her if she is living in the land of ignorance. I also felt extremely betrayed by people who I thought were my friends that would watch me disintegrate before their eyes....then again, I'm sure they were afraid that blow might send me over the edge. The only difference was that he had already left me - I think I could have pushed through it if I'd only had a reason other than his pitiful excuse that he "couldn't take it anymore"...never did figure out what "it" was...
If she is seeing a therapist or medical doctor, you can also call them and tell them what you know. They cannot discuss her case with you, of course, and I'd be pretty sure of my facts before I threw it out there - but it may help them help her before things reach the breaking point. I can pretty well bet if she doesn't know and you don't tell her that it will hurt your friendship, hopefully not beyond repair.....but I just don't know that now is the right time.
If my friend were mentally stable, I would tell her, as I would expect the same from her if she saw my man cheating. Finding out later that she knew all along would seem like a betrayal to me. Of course, this depends how close to the friend I am. Good luck with your situation.
I agree with robinhood here. But as robin said initially "if she were mentally stable..." and it appears your friend may not be right now. So that's where it gets to be a judgment call. Because of that, I would probably not mention it. It will probably come out soon enough, but in almost every other situation, if it were a close friend, I would tell.
I saw my best friend's husband leaving his ex-girlfriend's for at least the 10th time in as many weeks today. He text-messaged me, asking me not to mention it to my friend. She tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago...and although she has given me lots of reasons why she tried, this hasn't been one of them.
I know they have been fighting about his "ex" for awhile and he keeps telling her there's nothing going on. He's already been married three times, and she left her first husband for him. (YIKES).
My partner thinks I should tell her (since he has also seen them together), but I don't want too---I think she already probably knows. What do you think?
If you mess with a skunk you're going to end up stinking. I'd stay out of it and not meddle, you'll always loose when meddling in others relationship.
If you mess with a skunk you're going to end up stinking. I'd stay out of it and not meddle, you'll always loose when meddling in others relationship.
That's along the lines of what I was thinking. But you can test the water by asking "do you trust your partner?" and leave it at that.
this should provoke a little thought...
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Dicey situation
