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This topic may seem antiquated but the reality is that it's still a sore point for many couples. When a spouse feels taken for granted and unappreciated, resentment builds. It can seriously affect the quality of a marriage/partnership.
In my view, the lesson is to nurture our relationships and not take for granted what our SO does for us. It's too easy for both genders to forget just how lucky we are to have someone by our side.
Look at the number one reason ol' hubby doesn't get laid...
[URL="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight/201008/why-your-wife-hates-sex-and-what-you-can-do-about-it"]Psychology Today: Why Your Wife Hates Sex and What You Can Do About It.[/URL]
Here, I'll share, emphasis mine:
1. She is too tired. Women typically do about 7 times more housework and childcare than their husbands do even when they both have full-time jobs. Add to that the fact that women need more sleep than men do, and you have a recipe for her wanting sleep more than sex when both your heads hit the pillow.
This is something my ex never quite understood. The second reason in that article is "She resents or is angry at you." Gee, wonder why?
Oh, and look! Here is one of the things Mr. Sexless can do:
2. Do some of the things she usually does around the house. This includes things like bathing and putting the kids to bed or cooking, so that she is not totally worn out by the time you get around to slipping your hand under her pajama top. Or you can stun her by hiring someone to help when she is not expecting it. When you combine this helpfulness with a low-pressure approach to sex...you may be stunned by the change in her responsiveness.
Don't shoot the messenger, who intends to trot this article out every time some grouchy man comes onto this forum complaining that he and his wife stopped having sex after they got married.
Don't hire someone. That will stress her out more. Because that person won't do it right and then ruin things or eventually cause more work for her. Do it yourself. Strangers rarely care and rarely do a good job.
You can never put the cat back in the bag. Do you think African Americans will lose their right to vote within the next couple of generations? The equal rights women share now can never be revoked and within the next couple of generations we will see third world and middle eastern countries being dragged into the 21st century, because the younger generation will demand it.
I don't think he means women will lose the rights they've gained; I think he means that we'll hear less and less about Feminism, have it fade away as some Sword of Damocles threatening to break its cord and come crashing down at the merest slight or hint of male indignation or resentment.
I know many of the younger women I've listened to these days actually tend to resent being labeled Feminist. I've heard on several occasions remarks about NOT wanting things like the "right" to go to combat situations, often punctuated with things like "the women who voted for THAT one were too old to be at risk when they voted for it! I'D never have wanted that and I don't know why they thought I would!"
Sadly, this kind of thing WILL always have a place in our society because of human nature.
For example, the NAACP -- a necessary organization who has done some wonderful things. The downside of it is WHO on God's green earth wants to have to listen to Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton every time anyone makes ANY remark, and who doesn't look at it as silly that every white remark is racist while every black remark in the other direction is simply "observational humour"?
There will always be a need for watchdog organizations, whether gender-based or racially based -- always, because despite that only one in twenty men (a hypothetical and purely illustrative number) is interested in male domination of women, there will always BE that one who abuses a position of power. Same with women in positions of power. Same with whites, or blacks, or hispanics, etc, etc, etc.
The question, however, is a rephrasing of a question I posed the other day in a different forum regarding racism. It can be rephrased to include sexism, racism, religious persecution, etc.
At what point does a stereotype which came into being for a valid reason STOP being observational and START becoming prejudicial? And at what point does a watchdog organization stop being protective and merely become vicious and demanding?
It's always a question of personal control and it always will be.
1. She is too tired. Women typically do about 7 times more housework and childcare than their husbands do even when they both have full-time jobs. Add to that the fact that women need more sleep than men do, and you have a recipe for her wanting sleep more than sex when both your heads hit the pillow.
This is something my ex never quite understood. The second reason in that article is "She resents or is angry at you." Gee, wonder why?
Oh, and look! Here is one of the things Mr. Sexless can do:
2. Do some of the things she usually does around the house. This includes things like bathing and putting the kids to bed or cooking, so that she is not totally worn out by the time you get around to slipping your hand under her pajama top. Or you can stun her by hiring someone to help when she is not expecting it. When you combine this helpfulness with a low-pressure approach to sex...you may be stunned by the change in her responsiveness.
Don't shoot the messenger, who intends to trot this article out every time some grouchy man comes onto this forum complaining that he and his wife stopped having sex after they got married.
Despite that it's from Psychology Today, I'd be hesitant about that article based solely on the inflammatory nature of the title.
Then again I've always tried to be a decent human being and a loving partner, so I've never, ever had to deal with a SO or spouse who hated or resented sex and withheld it. I've dealt with some whom *I* stopped touching because they just revealed themselves to be lousy people, but that's a different matter.
Well my CD friends, we have reached the end of the story. Relationships have evolved, some of us need to get on the bandwagon.
Happy life and love to all. Thank you for your conversation and thoughtful responses.
Don't shoot the messenger, who intends to trot this article out every time some grouchy man comes onto this forum complaining that he and his wife stopped having sex after they got married.
Thanks for the good information it helps clarify. My wife has always told me we agreed on no sex by the small print in the Vows we made. I've asked her for a copy but she still won't produce the signed agreement.
Thanks for the good information it helps clarify. My wife has always told me we agreed on no sex by the small print in the Vows we made. I've asked her for a copy but she still won't produce the signed agreement.
It's her TOS.
Did ya have this exchange at your wedding?
Who's in Charge?
Minister to Bride: Do you take this man to be your husband?
Bride: I do.
Minister to Groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife?
1. She is too tired. Women typically do about 7 times more housework and childcare than their husbands do even when they both have full-time jobs. Add to that the fact that women need more sleep than men do, and you have a recipe for her wanting sleep more than sex when both your heads hit the pillow.
This is something my ex never quite understood. The second reason in that article is "She resents or is angry at you." Gee, wonder why?
Oh, and look! Here is one of the things Mr. Sexless can do:
2. Do some of the things she usually does around the house. This includes things like bathing and putting the kids to bed or cooking, so that she is not totally worn out by the time you get around to slipping your hand under her pajama top. Or you can stun her by hiring someone to help when she is not expecting it. When you combine this helpfulness with a low-pressure approach to sex...you may be stunned by the change in her responsiveness.
Don't shoot the messenger, who intends to trot this article out every time some grouchy man comes onto this forum complaining that he and his wife stopped having sex after they got married.
The part in the article where it says that if your wife only wants to have sex one a month, you should masterbate the rest of the time?????
I disagree. If you are loving husband and you help your wife with some of the work, you should be getting sex at least 3 days a week, 2 at the least. My god.
A wife that loves her husband given that he helps her out with the load will have sex with her husband at least 3 times a week.
The part in the article where it says that if your wife only wants to have sex one a month, you should masterbate the rest of the time?????
I disagree. If you are loving husband and you help your wife with some of the work, you should be getting sex at least 3 days a week, 2 at the least. My god.
A wife that loves her husband given that he helps her out with the load will have sex with her husband at least 3 times a week.
I agree that both partners need to compromise and be satisfied, and that it's not fair for one person's needs to completely trump the other's. Expecting one person to just masturbate is not a good solution.
Every couple's ideal sex schedule differs, though. There is no three-days-a-week standard.
I disagree. If you are loving husband and you help your wife with some of the work, you should be getting sex at least 3 days a week, 2 at the least. My god.
A wife that loves her husband given that he helps her out with the load will have sex with her husband at least 3 times a week.
So what if the wife wants sex 5-6 times per week. What does she have to do? Change the oil in the car? Re-wire the house? Build a deck?
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