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I'm curious as to how you can go to school when you are not allowed to drive. I'm curious as to how a man who doesn't want you to work and sets the alarm so you can't leave the house would be okay with you getting a college education. If you can't get out of the house, you're not going to school. Or is there something I missed?
Putting school on hold for a year is not going to doom you to a life of waitressing. So, that excuse is out.
You can't be an "example" to your kids when you're in the hospital or worse, dead. That excuse is out.
What will happen to them when you do end up in the hospital? Know that it is not a matter of if, but when. Do they stay with the man who put you there? Or do they go to your ex who (a) also treats you like dirt in front of your kids and (b) may not give them back. At this point, he may be the lesser of two evils as far as environment is concerned for those kids.
How can you actually think that raising them in a prison where their mom is getting the crap beaten out of her on a regular basis is better than a life of "poverty and crime", when no poverty or crime will come to them after a mere one or two semesters off?
How you manage to convince yourself that those kids don't know or see what's going on must relieve you somewhat, but the truth is they will see it and they will know about it. If he is punching you as hard as you say he is, they will remember the bruises. They will figure it out eventually. It will affect them and their relationships when they get older.
I'm not going to shame you for what you are going through. There are probably plenty of reasons why you found yourself in this position, given this is not your first abusive relationship. And it is not your fault that he is what he is.
However, I am not going to humor what I see to be nothing but excuses to stay. I am not going to praise you for this image of self-sacrifice you are trying to put forth. There is nothing honorable or admirable about what you are suggesting. It nothing short of insane. This has nothing to do with the well being of those kids, it has everything to do with you wanting to stay. And at this point, you are the biggest risk to them. You are failing to protect them just by being there.
You will leave when you are ready, but don't think all this "sacrifice" is going to be any comfort to you or your kids when something goes terribly wrong.
As far as school, I was a campus student. He deployed for a year of our relationship and I had the vehicle. He has now left the military and going to school also. We just moved to a different state and just now got an alarm. Have been here for about 2 months. I could ride with him and attend classes on campus but instead am doing online classes in case I leave here so I don't have to quit half-way through the semester. But, if I was attending campus classes, he would let me go. It's the social life he won't let me have. If I walk out this door, he wants to be there to babysit me.
And, I don't believe putting school off for one year is going to, what I fear is if I get a full time job which is what I would need to support myself and two kids, and wouldn't be able to go back to school.
And last, I agree with everything you said. If it's not to be seen as making an excuse though, may I say that the extent of the physical violence occured before he deployed and rarely since he's been back. He has hit a few times, but nothing like before. It certainly isn't a daily issue. More of a quarterly one. Yeah, I know that sounds lame, you don't need to tell me. But, just saying, I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm getting my ass beat daily.
Get a thicker skin and some backbone unless you want you kids to be without a parent or you're permanently blind from having listerine thrown in your face or something worse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReadyToDoThis
I know this, that sort of is my point. I'm always making excuses, I always have reasons why it's best for me not to go, and I need other people to hear me and tell me how stupid it is. I need the motivation. I've set my mind to leaving him a million and one times and then I always talk myself out of it, or he talks me out of it. I want to do it, but I'm scared out my mind, I feel I'll regret it or maybe not, I don't know. I have none of the answers. I need to hear from the outside world that this is crazy, I need to hear other people telling me that I can do it better without him, because it's harder than you'll ever know to just get up and walk out that door.
Every young woman that is thinking about quiting school and moving in with some bozo should have to read your post. From looking at your back ground you are not a very good role model for your own kid. Get your shyt together, get a job, get a life and stop moving in with every low life that wants to use you for a punching bag. Your life is what happens when a young person makes really bad choice's and doesn't get an education. Once you leave home, you are responsible for yourself. Make a baby and then you are responsible for another person, and it gets worse from there.
My ex never used me for any sort of punching bag, he never once stuck his hands on me. And I would love to get a damn life, but if you can tell me how in hell I'm supposed to do that, it would be really appreciated. Yeah, I had a baby, and things sure as heck got tougher, but seeings I can't change that, I sort of need some solutions beyond a 6 week let's try to get you into hud housing program.
My ex never used me for any sort of punching bag, he never once stuck his hands on me. And I would love to get a damn life, but if you can tell me how in hell I'm supposed to do that, it would be really appreciated. Yeah, I had a baby, and things sure as heck got tougher, but seeings I can't change that, I sort of need some solutions beyond a 6 week let's try to get you into hud housing program.
And when your kids get old enough to ask why mommy is staying with a man who hits her and who hits them, what are you going to say? "It was too much trouble to put you kids first, and do what was best for you because I was too much of a chickensh** to get off my butt and act like a real mom."
Is that what you'll say? Because that's what the truthful answer will be.
And when your kids get old enough to ask why mommy is staying with a man who hits her and who hits them, what are you going to say? "It was too much trouble to put you kids first, and do what was best for you because I was too much of a chickensh** to get off my butt and act like a real mom."
Is that what you'll say? Because that's what the truthful answer will be.
Yeah, he doesn't hit my children in any way, shape, or form, so please don't start assuming that. I have enough crap on my hands right now without you throwing out there that he abuses my kids also. Never has he or would he. He's best friends with them, it's me and him that can't get along for the love of God.
OMG... You may end up DEAD!!! Do you understand that?! Do you think this will make your kids' lives better? Going to college is great, but that's not your first priority now, even if you have to put it on hold. You're young; you can continue a little later when you're back on your feet. Btw, who pays for that college...? Since you don't work, it must be this as@hole. Is that what keeps you with him?
Yeah, he doesn't hit my children in any way, shape, or form, so please don't start assuming that. I have enough crap on my hands right now without you throwing out there that he abuses my kids also. Never has he or would he. He's best friends with them, it's me and him that can't get along for the love of God.
a) so what? Your kids are in a bad enviornment
b) any man capable of hitting a woman and abusing them is capable of hitting a child.
OMG... You may end up DEAD!!! Do you understand that?! Do you think this will make your kids' lives better? Going to college is great, but that's not your first priority now, even if you have to put it on hold. You're young; you can continue a little later when you're back on your feet. Btw, who pays for that college...? Since you don't work, it must be this as@hole. Is that what keeps you with him?
Half is paid by grants and scholarships, while the other half is paid by loans. He has no part in that.
I just can't get over the urination bit. This guy is bat-sh*t crazy. Op, you have your kids hanging around a psycho. Only a pyscho would do this kind of crap. I hope you at least go and talk to a professional.
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