Less than 2 weeks before wedding and having thoughts of break up (feeling, looking)
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Why do some of you itch so much at arresting this wedding??
I wonder as well. I know I did in an earlier post (that "I can do better" comment got to me) but really, nobody here knows these people and if he wants to marry the girl, go to counseling and try to work things out, who are we to stop him?
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Originally Posted by sierraAZ
No, now that he decided to go forward, everybody will get wishy-washy and wish him well!
Well, I do wish them well. I hope things work out better for him than they did for my ex-fiance.
Some people on this thread are giving advice based on what they think they would do in the same situation. However, most have not been there. I have My fiance left with 19 days to go before the wedding and only now, four years later, am I finally finding out just how crappy his life became after he left me. He thought the grass was greener, there was someone "better" blah blah blah. As it turned out he was wrong and is now wallowing in self doubt, and about as insecure as I've ever seen him. He feels like a loser for being divorced twice (well, almost twice) and having no clue how to make marriage work I don't know if we would have been able to work things out back then, but he didn't even try and the little wifeykins he left me for turned out to be a complete nut job and is holding the divorce back for her own manipulative purposes. He's down about being "unemployed" and "homeless" (he just retired from the military and is currently apartment hunting in DC where he'll start a new job in a few weeks) and is feeling very unworthy of love at the moment.
My life is going very well now but in all honesty, I was happier when I was with him in AZ than I am now. Life is great, but there's something missing. I'm not sure exactly what's missing but it's probably him
I meant those who were strongly advising against it.
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My life is going very well now but in all honesty, I was happier when I was with him in AZ than I am now.
See? AZ ain't that bad after all! Sorry, just teasing! I hear ya...
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I'm not sure exactly what's missing but it's probably him
We've talked about this before - I don't know what to tell you, TT... It seems like you're like me in some ways - it's not easy for you to move on. I regret many things myself... both because I did them and undid them...
We've talked about this before - I don't know what to tell you, TT... It seems like you're like me in some ways - it's not easy for you to move on. I regret many things myself... both because I did them and undid them...
I suppose it does take a long time for me to move on from certain situations
I've tried to avoid posting too much about my break up lately but obviously this thread brings back some of those feelings and I just hate to hear about anyone else going through the kind of pain I went through four years ago. I may not have been the confrontational type like Sharpie's fiancee seems to be (based on his description at least) but even so, I don't think she deserves the kind of pain that would be inflicted if he leaves her. Eventually she would recover and maybe even meet someone "better" for her but it's always possible that neither one of them will ever find someone they click with like they do with each other. I think the least they could do is see a counselor for a while whether the wedding is postponed or not. Just calling it quits without even taking time to discuss it with a professional just seems so, well, final
My thing is if he's going to marry her then he needs to do it without any reservations. Pre nups, probation period, etc. is just another way of saying I'm probably doing the wrong thing but maybe it will be ok. Either take the dive or get off the diving board. Sharpie has not displayed (from my point of view) that he wants to marry her because it's what HE wants. Everything from him proposing to now has been because it would make HER happy. I think them living together and merging their lives as if they are already married is what has caused the problems they have. At this point he probably feels he owes her marriage regardless if it's what he really wants or not.
At least he realizes now that he does not love her the way you should love someone in order to be able to spend the rest of your life with them.
I will ask you, and others with your opinion, what exactly SHOULD he do - go thru with it just so he can be a "man" and stick to his engagement committment?? I say bullsh*t on that. Not saying he should get off scot-free - what he has done is very serious, and I for one hope he learns some big lessons going forward. But marrying now will only complicate things in the long run.
Well, he said he does love her and is going thru with it.
Wow, 40 minutes with a therapist and she's made, probably, the biggest decision in your life for you. Another great move. Any professional, ethical therapist would not make such large leaps in judgement in one short session.
You and your girl sound pretty dysfunctional. Maybe you're the perfect pair. I don't know that anyone else would have you with the behavior you've outlined.
He made his decision before he saw the therapist, so you may have missed a post or two.
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