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Old 08-27-2010, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Broken Promise Land
301 posts, read 825,843 times
Reputation: 505

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Mountain love got toxic on me
Clever sport.


 
Old 08-27-2010, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,663,567 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxiclove View Post
Clever sport.

Sharpie isn't worth fighting over
 
Old 08-27-2010, 09:11 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,163 posts, read 4,334,947 times
Reputation: 2581
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Question rebound

Why do some of you itch so much at arresting this wedding??
I wonder as well. I know I did in an earlier post (that "I can do better" comment got to me) but really, nobody here knows these people and if he wants to marry the girl, go to counseling and try to work things out, who are we to stop him?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
No, now that he decided to go forward, everybody will get wishy-washy and wish him well!
Well, I do wish them well. I hope things work out better for him than they did for my ex-fiance.

Some people on this thread are giving advice based on what they think they would do in the same situation. However, most have not been there. I have My fiance left with 19 days to go before the wedding and only now, four years later, am I finally finding out just how crappy his life became after he left me. He thought the grass was greener, there was someone "better" blah blah blah. As it turned out he was wrong and is now wallowing in self doubt, and about as insecure as I've ever seen him. He feels like a loser for being divorced twice (well, almost twice) and having no clue how to make marriage work I don't know if we would have been able to work things out back then, but he didn't even try and the little wifeykins he left me for turned out to be a complete nut job and is holding the divorce back for her own manipulative purposes. He's down about being "unemployed" and "homeless" (he just retired from the military and is currently apartment hunting in DC where he'll start a new job in a few weeks) and is feeling very unworthy of love at the moment.

My life is going very well now but in all honesty, I was happier when I was with him in AZ than I am now. Life is great, but there's something missing. I'm not sure exactly what's missing but it's probably him
 
Old 08-27-2010, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble View Post
Well, I do wish them well.
I meant those who were strongly advising against it.

Quote:
My life is going very well now but in all honesty, I was happier when I was with him in AZ than I am now.
See? AZ ain't that bad after all! Sorry, just teasing! I hear ya...

Quote:
I'm not sure exactly what's missing but it's probably him
We've talked about this before - I don't know what to tell you, TT... It seems like you're like me in some ways - it's not easy for you to move on. I regret many things myself... both because I did them and undid them...
 
Old 08-27-2010, 09:38 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,163 posts, read 4,334,947 times
Reputation: 2581
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post

We've talked about this before - I don't know what to tell you, TT... It seems like you're like me in some ways - it's not easy for you to move on. I regret many things myself... both because I did them and undid them...
I suppose it does take a long time for me to move on from certain situations

I've tried to avoid posting too much about my break up lately but obviously this thread brings back some of those feelings and I just hate to hear about anyone else going through the kind of pain I went through four years ago. I may not have been the confrontational type like Sharpie's fiancee seems to be (based on his description at least) but even so, I don't think she deserves the kind of pain that would be inflicted if he leaves her. Eventually she would recover and maybe even meet someone "better" for her but it's always possible that neither one of them will ever find someone they click with like they do with each other. I think the least they could do is see a counselor for a while whether the wedding is postponed or not. Just calling it quits without even taking time to discuss it with a professional just seems so, well, final
 
Old 08-27-2010, 10:09 PM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,967,481 times
Reputation: 1562
My thing is if he's going to marry her then he needs to do it without any reservations. Pre nups, probation period, etc. is just another way of saying I'm probably doing the wrong thing but maybe it will be ok. Either take the dive or get off the diving board. Sharpie has not displayed (from my point of view) that he wants to marry her because it's what HE wants. Everything from him proposing to now has been because it would make HER happy. I think them living together and merging their lives as if they are already married is what has caused the problems they have. At this point he probably feels he owes her marriage regardless if it's what he really wants or not.
 
Old 08-27-2010, 11:09 PM
 
512 posts, read 1,431,336 times
Reputation: 276
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
sharpie - from the ugly rep you just left me, I feel bad for your fiance. Now I can see why you deserved to be yelled at.
Ugly rep? Why don't you copy and paste it here so everyone can see what I wrote? It wasn't ugly one bit.
 
Old 08-28-2010, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Sharpie isn't worth fighting over
Now this is true my friend You know I've still got MOUNTAINS of love for you
 
Old 08-28-2010, 10:02 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,777 posts, read 13,523,708 times
Reputation: 6584
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post

At least he realizes now that he does not love her the way you should love someone in order to be able to spend the rest of your life with them.

I will ask you, and others with your opinion, what exactly SHOULD he do - go thru with it just so he can be a "man" and stick to his engagement committment?? I say bullsh*t on that. Not saying he should get off scot-free - what he has done is very serious, and I for one hope he learns some big lessons going forward. But marrying now will only complicate things in the long run.
Well, he said he does love her and is going thru with it.
 
Old 08-28-2010, 10:11 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,077 posts, read 28,497,719 times
Reputation: 18189
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
Wow, 40 minutes with a therapist and she's made, probably, the biggest decision in your life for you. Another great move. Any professional, ethical therapist would not make such large leaps in judgement in one short session.

You and your girl sound pretty dysfunctional. Maybe you're the perfect pair. I don't know that anyone else would have you with the behavior you've outlined.
He made his decision before he saw the therapist, so you may have missed a post or two.
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