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Young, hopeless romantics need a shot of reality before even thinking about getting married. It's not all "bliss," and it's not all "wheeeee, yayyyyy, let's play house and I can be the daddy and you can be the mommy and our kids will be Susie and Johnny and we're all going to live happily ever after, woo-hoooooo!"
I can certainly understand how you might feel I am perhaps not being realistic, although I would respectfully disagree...at the same time, I try to be optimistic, hopeful, and ever-confident, that I *could* in fact genuinely and sincerely make a marriage work, with the right person.
Doesn't work like that. There are values, goals, and beliefs to consider, bills to pay, chores to be done, other family members to contend with, parents who will one day get sick and need care (if it doesn't happen to one of the spouses, first), investments to make (including cars and homes), jobs and careers to account for, catastrophes to be dealt with, and, when raising kids, discipline to deliver, never mind the whole issue of sexual compatibility in a permanent monogamous relationship, or, *gasp* "fighting style" when they have *OMG!* disagreements.
I understand the above fully, with open eyes -- please see my previous thread above in reply to you, for more detail.
When I read stuff like the OP's post and Union Federal's, I think, "Yep, and in three years, they'll be complaining on C-D about how marriage isn't what they thought it would be and saying their wives have 'changed' because these guys have unrealistic expectations going into it. They want dolls and support systems, not human beings, flaws and all, to be partners."
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I certainly won't begrudge you yours also -- I would truly hope though, and know in my heart, that within 3 years' time (if I were to actually get married), I will be able to cheerfully report that I would love a dear wife, as much and as intensely, as on the very first day I married her.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-24-2010 at 02:24 PM..
Young, hopeless romantics need a shot of reality before even thinking about getting married. It's not all "bliss," and it's not all "wheeeee, yayyyyy, let's play house and I can be the daddy and you can be the mommy and our kids will be Susie and Johnny and we're all going to live happily ever after, woo-hoooooo!"
Doesn't work like that. There are values, goals, and beliefs to consider, bills to pay, chores to be done, other family members to contend with, parents who will one day get sick and need care (if it doesn't happen to one of the spouses, first), investments to make (including cars and homes), jobs and careers to account for, catastrophes to be dealt with, and, when raising kids, discipline to deliver, never mind the whole issue of sexual compatibility in a permanent monogamous relationship, or, *gasp* "fighting style" when they have *OMG!* disagreements.
When I read stuff like the OP's post and Union Federal's, I think, "Yep, and in three years, they'll be complaining on C-D about how marriage isn't what they thought it would be and saying their wives have 'changed' because these guys have unrealistic expectations going into it. They want dolls and support systems, not human beings, flaws and all, to be partners."
Am I saying marriage is a bad thing? Meh. If someone wants it, go for it. Some people are very happy with it, and more power to 'em.
But from all I've seen, the people who make the best shot of it are people who go into it with their eyes open and who have already weathered a few storms together, not those who get smitten, start daydreaming about "bliss," and pop the question before they've dealt with anything difficult or had a chance to see how their partner handles hardship or a crisis.
So, to Lex, I say, "Yeah, yeah. Reality bites. Deal with it."
...So, now that the personal rant is over...
I know plenty of realistic people that realize marriage takes work, keep working on it, and are still as happy as if they just met. I recognize some marriages don't work, but one's experiences may not always be another's.
Talk about bursting bubbles! I'm sure you were happy once. Everyone else has that right also.
I admit I am jaded, but I'm also a realist and I agree completely with Avienne. Love unfortunately does not conquer all. Being a hopeless romantic doesn't guarantee a happy outcome, I was once one of those many years ago.
I think there is a vast difference between intellectually understanding that marriage takes work, and actually having lived through a marriage and either 1)still being married, or 2)divorced.
I went into my first relationship with rose coloured glasses, full of happy families ideals. My current relationship was a far more considered decision, but I have to say, 5 years on we are still in love and having fun.
Girls,what do you most want in a *husband* (not a b/f)? haha~
They don't know.
Not that even if they find it, they'll be looking for the bigger and better deal. Divorces are easy to come by, and I think women are of the mindset these days of "if it doesn't work out for me then I'll just get a divorce".
Girls,what do you most want in a *husband* (not a b/f)? haha~
Someone who isn't looking for someone to "take care of" because it makes him feel more like a man. Someone who isn't looking for someone to take care of him. Someone who understands that I get take-out rather than cook and hire a maid service rather than clean--not because I'm lazy, but because i have better things to do with my time when I'm not working. Someone level-headed, well-educated and self-sufficient, with a subtle sense of humor; he must have good, strong ethics and a strong moral code. (Just think CSI: NYC's Gary Sinese character.)
But most importantly? Someone who isn't trying to get married because he's lonely. That's been the hardest part. Lots of lonely folks out there of both genders. It's hard to weed them out.
From a former hopeless romantic. It is a lot of hard work, it isn't like the movies. It is a lot of hard work. It is good to remember not to say hurtful things, no matter how small, they add up. I think there was a glimpse of that hopeless romantic coming back for me. Really I was wrong, just hopeless. If you want to make that commitment go for it, never look back, never doubt your spouse or yourself.
Lol, really? But don't the guys here ever get lonely though at all, and dream of sweet wedded domestic bliss, to the one most special, treasured girl in their hearts, and to raise a loving family with and to grow old together with? I know I do -- I literally dream of almost exactly that, every day -- very much! (I know, I know; guilty as charged...I readily confess, to being a hopeless romantic at heart )
Many of the men on CD are negative and will tell you to stay single. I think you should listen to your heart. No one but you knows what you want. Being a romantic is a good thing. Tell her how you feel and don't worry about anyone's opinion but hers and yours.
My husband and I have been married for 26 years, and he is my best friend. He is the only one I want to be with after a long day, and the one that always is there for me. When he looks at me, I feel beautiful. He can read my mind, and always knows just what to say. Relationships can work, if you find the right person. I just hope that my husband and I have many more years together. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will be together until one of us dies. Too bad we can't go together because the one left behind will be lost. I hope your relationship works out as well as mine has.
Female chiming in here for a sec. My husband and I were young when we met, he asked me to marry him in three weeks. We married one year later. 23 years have passed.
One thing that makes me know that even after all these years I'm where I should be is that through all we've been through, he still looks at me like he used to and tells me I am beautiful. I think that's a little bit of being able to still see the person you fell in love with through all the rest of life.
Love that^^. Thanks for sharing!
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I know I do -- I literally dream of almost exactly that, every day -- very much! 
(I know, I know; guilty as charged...I readily confess, to being a hopeless romantic at heart 
)
