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So, I was reading a thread on another forum. Person A suspected her BF of cheating. Talked to him about it, he denied it, but she still couldn't shake her suspicion. She ultimately created a fake profile on a dating site she suspected he visited, and caught him. When she posted on a forum for advice, she got slammed for "being manipulative, dishonest, setting him up", etc. This isn't the first time I've seen a spouse who did such actions, get slammed. I'm just curious: what's so wrong with the behavior of the suspicious spouse? True, it IS going behind the spouse's back, but sometimes when you suspect wrongdoing, spying might be the only way to uncover the truth.
Let's play devil's advocate: a single mother suspects her nanny of harming her child. After asking the nanny if everything is OK, and getting an "all is well. you have nothing to worry about", she still can't shake her suspicions -- her child is acting too strange (and as we all know, sometimes kids keep quiet out of fear). So...she goes behind the nanny's back, and places "nanny cams" in several rooms around the house. Upon review of the tapes, discovers that the nanny has been verbally abusive to the child, and spanking the child.
Now, I'm pretty sure that no-one in their right mind, would slam a mother for going behind her nanny's back and placing hidden cameras in her home when she suspects harm to her child. Yet, a person who goes behind the backs of a spouse, to uncover possible wrongdoing, is often labeled as "having trust issues, being insecure", etc.
I'm curious: why slam one person, yet laud another? Thoughts?
For one thing, "spouse" and "BF/boyfriend" are not interchangeable.
If a person feels they have to go this far because they don't trust a BF, it's time to go your own separate ways. It's a case of paranoia or infidelity, and either way there's no good reason to stay together.
As for a spouse, I don't really like the idea. But I suppose if you are totally confident that you are right and the spouse won't fess up, I guess I could understand why a person might do it. I should hope you don't create a profile then actively contact your spouse... too much like entrapment for my tastes. I feel the profile you create should be a passive one.
I wouldn't set a trap on my B/F but I guess it's just me.If someone is going to cheat there's not awhole lot you can do about it but end that particular relationship.I'd just consider that they both deserved one another.
Because spying to prove the infidelity of a "grown up" versus abuse of a "child" who can't defend themselves are two totally different scenarios. They cannot be compared.
I say yes. The reason I say that is because ending a relationship can be a huge decision -- especially if it's a relationship that's gone on for years, and graduated to marriage, possibly with kids, joint finances, etc.
In my opinion, I think it's best to be absolutely sure (with proof) there's something going on, before choosing to end it.
But, that's just my .02.
I agree with you. I'm generally not suspicious of such activities, like my privacy, and don't invade other people's privacy, but if there is a good reason to suspect something wrong is going on, I will want to have it confirmed.
So, I was reading a thread on another forum. Person A suspected her BF of cheating. Talked to him about it, he denied it, but she still couldn't shake her suspicion. She ultimately created a fake profile on a dating site she suspected he visited, and caught him. When she posted on a forum for advice, she got slammed for "being manipulative, dishonest, setting him up", etc. This isn't the first time I've seen a spouse who did such actions, get slammed. I'm just curious: what's so wrong with the behavior of the suspicious spouse? True, it IS going behind the spouse's back, but sometimes when you suspect wrongdoing, spying might be the only way to uncover the truth.
Thoughts?
Doing such a thing is sneaky and dishonest.
You either trust the one you love, or you don't. If you don't, no matter how guilty or innocent they might be, you have a problem.
If they HAVEN'T cheated then you're just being insecure.
If they HAVE cheated and won't come clean with you you are better off without them anyway - there is nothing there worth fighting for.
Better to walk away with your dignity and integrity intact than to stoop to such low measures - it's very "high school".
Sort of like the Italian who called a sex line and had a passionate conversation with his wife sitting upstairs.
Yeah. That was a classic.
The fake site would be this situation in reverse. He'd be smooth talking to his wive, trying to seduce her. Probably words she hasn't heard in a long time!
One reason I think it's wrong is because I don't think it's fair to the other people on the dating site who might be wondering why they didn't get an answer to their query or wink or whatever. And then you could get led into temptation your own self and wouldn't you feel like a fool after that if your suspicions were unfounded?
So, I was reading a thread on another forum. Person A suspected her BF of cheating. Talked to him about it, he denied it, but she still couldn't shake her suspicion. She ultimately created a fake profile on a dating site she suspected he visited, and caught him. When she posted on a forum for advice, she got slammed for "being manipulative, dishonest, setting him up", etc. This isn't the first time I've seen a spouse who did such actions, get slammed. I'm just curious: what's so wrong with the behavior of the suspicious spouse? True, it IS going behind the spouse's back, but sometimes when you suspect wrongdoing, spying might be the only way to uncover the truth.
Let's play devil's advocate: a single mother suspects her nanny of harming her child. After asking the nanny if everything is OK, and getting an "all is well. you have nothing to worry about", she still can't shake her suspicions -- her child is acting too strange (and as we all know, sometimes kids keep quiet out of fear). So...she goes behind the nanny's back, and places "nanny cams" in several rooms around the house. Upon review of the tapes, discovers that the nanny has been verbally abusive to the child, and spanking the child.
Now, I'm pretty sure that no-one in their right mind, would slam a mother for going behind her nanny's back and placing hidden cameras in her home when she suspects harm to her child. Yet, a person who goes behind the backs of a spouse, to uncover possible wrongdoing, is often labeled as "having trust issues, being insecure", etc.
I'm curious: why slam one person, yet laud another? Thoughts?
First of all abuse is a crime. Cheating is not a crime (at least in the U.S.)
Secondly, one involves a defenseless child the other involves a consenting adult.
True, cheating isn't a crime. But, it can emotionally and physically (in terms of the cheating spouse possibly bringing an STD home) harm the spouse who's cheated on.
And yes, the adult is consenting to the relationship, but probably not to the cheating.
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They cannot be compared.
