Creating a fake profile on a dating site, to catch a cheating spouse: what's wrong with that? (long distance, guys)
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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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It's silly to think just because you're married to someone you know them. You don't even know your own family members as well as you think. Look at all the people who came to the aid of a family member accused of horrendous crimes that went on for years--I know him, he could never harm a soul--only to be proven he was guilty.
Point is, trust is a must, yes. But too often that trust is abused and broken. A person has a right to protect themselves. If you're the type who's jealous and suspicious no matteer what or whom you're with, that's another story. If you gamble and lose, it's your own fault. But if you find things that raise suspicions--we all know the trail of clues one can leave, no need to spell it out--I see nothing wrong with sleuthing. However, if it's come to that deep a suspicion for me, I'd rather just leave and spend the sleuth money on a nice weekend getaway by myself.
The only threesome I've been in, I was invited to do so by my then-girlfriend. I thought I was fulfilling her fantasy. Afterwards, she said it was a test and I failed the test.
If you set out to pursue HIM on that site, it's a little different than passively sitting back and seeing if he contacts YOU. Of course, in either case, it's still wrong of him, but it's wrong of you to dangle the bait in front of his face to see if he takes it. His proper response would be to say upfront, "Can't do it, I'm already attached."
They should be slammed and also seek help. Insecurity is very serious. For someone to think about spying on their so called loved one means that they already lack the fundamental foundation of any relationship, which is TRUST. Without trust, there is no LOVE. If someone has trust issues they should leave the relationship at once and be alone until they manage to overcome their problem, period, and if the partner (victim) senses trust issues in his/her spouse, he/she should either send them to therapy or dump them. Basically if u feel the need to spy, or create fake profiles etc you shouldn't be in a relationship, and if u get caught spying you deserve all the harshness bestowed upon you for insecurity is no excuse!
There are situations, IMO, where it is acceptable and others that are not. A partner who is usually trusting and secure with valid concerns and suspicions would be within his/her rights to try and find out. Cheating, by it's very nature, is not an act that encourages disclosure, or it wouldn't be cheating.
The partner with baggage from previous betrayals or who isn't so trustworthy him/herself is the example of what is not acceptable.
Exactly what the original post talks about is vague. Did this woman sign up for the dating site, merely saw that her man had a profile, then called it cheating? Did she message him flirtaciously to try to entrap him? Is this a paid site like Match or something like OKCupid where you could join just to take the fun little quizzes or chat in the forum? There's too many gray areas, I see both the good and the bad of entrapping your guy. It's wrong to get him to do something he wasn't going to do, but it also indicates that your guy isn't 100% committed to you if he sets up a date with someone else and it's good to know that for future reference.
So, I was reading a thread on another forum. Person A suspected her BF of cheating. Talked to him about it, he denied it, but she still couldn't shake her suspicion. She ultimately created a fake profile on a dating site she suspected he visited, and caught him. When she posted on a forum for advice, she got slammed for "being manipulative, dishonest, setting him up", etc. This isn't the first time I've seen a spouse who did such actions, get slammed. I'm just curious: what's so wrong with the behavior of the suspicious spouse? True, it IS going behind the spouse's back, but sometimes when you suspect wrongdoing, spying might be the only way to uncover the truth.
Let's play devil's advocate: a single mother suspects her nanny of harming her child. After asking the nanny if everything is OK, and getting an "all is well. you have nothing to worry about", she still can't shake her suspicions -- her child is acting too strange (and as we all know, sometimes kids keep quiet out of fear). So...she goes behind the nanny's back, and places "nanny cams" in several rooms around the house. Upon review of the tapes, discovers that the nanny has been verbally abusive to the child, and spanking the child.
Now, I'm pretty sure that no-one in their right mind, would slam a mother for going behind her nanny's back and placing hidden cameras in her home when she suspects harm to her child. Yet, a person who goes behind the backs of a spouse, to uncover possible wrongdoing, is often labeled as "having trust issues, being insecure", etc.
I'm curious: why slam one person, yet laud another? Thoughts?
Apples and oranges. Completely different situations, and there are just some things that have to stand on their own.
If you truly cannot accept the word of your spouse, then the relationship is likely in trouble anyhow, and that is the bigger picture.
I think that anyone who uses manipulative behavior is doing wrong. No matter the truth or the outcome.
There is NOTHING wrong with a spouse that creates the fake profile. If I had suspicions I would do the exact same thing. I don't think that shows insecurity on the part of the spouse at all.
Oh good Lord...it is never correct to lie and be sneaky on ANY side of the equation. People just can't talk to each other, anymore. Sad.
I had someone do that to me once, and YES, it was absolutely WRONG. of him. Are you saying there is nothing wrong with it IF the partner is cheating? Or regardless?
I was innocent, and the hurt he gave me because of his manipulative manner was irreperable.
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