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I broke up with my ex about 8 months ago and it took me a while to get over him, but I'm starting to date again, go out, focus on me etc etc. But the problem is, my ex is very close to my parents. We kind of grew up together so he always turned to my parents for advice and really values the relationship. I decided after we broke things off that I wouldn't get in the way of him contacting them since I knew how he felt about it, and I knew it would be unfair.
But recently he dropped by my parents' house only hours after I left and it kind of freaked me out. I don't want to run into him. We did not leave on good terms. I still have a lot of hurt from what happened between us, and I don't like that he's in such close proximity to "my world" so to speak.
I am now avoiding going to my parents' house for fear of seeing him. I figure I can either suck it up, and be civil if I happen to see him or contact him the next time he does it and ask him to stop. My parents know very little about "us" since I kept it private, so they have no clue as to how I feel.
He hasn't tried contacting me directly, but I do wonder if he asks about me. I don't like the thought of him knowing personal information about my life, but I don't tell my parents that much anyway so I figure there's not much they can tell him.
I've had boyfriends be stalkers before, and I don't think he is. He's very self-centered so I'm not at all sure he's aware of the affect this is having on me. I think in his mind he feels entitled to come to my parents' house. I doubt he's taken into consideration how I would feel about it.
If he is trying to be nosey, or impose on my life purposely I figure I can make it backfire on him by showing him how well I'm doing without him.
I just hope it was a one time thing and it doesn't happen again. They get together sometimes for lunch or to talk, which I don't mind as much. I just don't want to feel that at any moment he could come walking into my life again (literally).
He hasn't tried contacting me directly, but I do wonder if he asks about me. I don't like the thought of him knowing personal information about my life, but I don't tell my parents that much anyway so I figure there's not much they can tell him.
I've had boyfriends be stalkers before, and I don't think he is. He's very self-centered so I'm not at all sure he's aware of the affect this is having on me. I think in his mind he feels entitled to come to my parents' house. I doubt he's taken into consideration how I would feel about it.
If he is trying to be nosey, or impose on my life purposely I figure I can make it backfire on him by showing him how well I'm doing without him.
I just hope it was a one time thing and it doesn't happen again. They get together sometimes for lunch or to talk, which I don't mind as much. I just don't want to feel that at any moment he could come walking into my life again (literally).
You're right it could be a one time coincidence, but self centered people feel very entitled to over step boundaries. Like the other poster mentioned, I'd definitely talk to your parents.
I am going to play the devil's advocate here and suggest another possible approach to the situation.
He doesn't sound like a stalker, nor do I think he has an ulterior motive - his contact/friendship with your parents is nothing new, as you say that you two grew up together and from what you have said, he seems to see your parents as a second set of parents.
So basiclally, you have known this guy most of your life (correct ?). But now that you have broken up, you don't want him near your parents lest you run into him. It sounds like a bit of a knee-jerk reaction (over reaction).
He sounds fine with the situation, your parents sound fine with it . . . it is you that has difficulty - which I can understand. For the sake of peace though Eve, have you considered mending some bridges and coming to a more amicable split? It sounds like there is some unfinished business, and if you guys could put some stuff under the bridge (forgiveness for past wrongs?) then maybe his friendship with your parents and the possibility of running into him, would be more palatable.
I broke up with my ex about 8 months ago and it took me a while to get over him, but I'm starting to date again, go out, focus on me etc etc. But the problem is, my ex is very close to my parents. We kind of grew up together so he always turned to my parents for advice and really values the relationship. I decided after we broke things off that I wouldn't get in the way of him contacting them since I knew how he felt about it, and I knew it would be unfair.
But recently he dropped by my parents' house only hours after I left and it kind of freaked me out. I don't want to run into him. We did not leave on good terms. I still have a lot of hurt from what happened between us, and I don't like that he's in such close proximity to "my world" so to speak.
I am now avoiding going to my parents' house for fear of seeing him. I figure I can either suck it up, and be civil if I happen to see him or contact him the next time he does it and ask him to stop. My parents know very little about "us" since I kept it private, so they have no clue as to how I feel.
What would you do?
I think you need to have a chat with your parents about familial loyalty. It sounds like you haven't said anything to them about it before -- and in my estimation you shouldn't have had to -- so it may not occur to them that you're uncomfortable with the situation.
The wife and I were in a similar situation, with her ex still periodically visiting her parents and younger siblings. But the ex gave us an opening by making it clear to my wife that he wanted her completely out of his life. So she turned that around on him by reminding him that getting her out of his life meant keeping her family out of his life too, because continuing to visit them meant he's still sharing his life with her. Thankfully he took the point before we had to make it an issue with her parents, but it still pisses me off that we had to take care of an issue that they should have known better about, especially since they know how crappily he treated their daughter.
I broke up with my ex about 8 months ago and it took me a while to get over him, but I'm starting to date again, go out, focus on me etc etc. But the problem is, my ex is very close to my parents. We kind of grew up together so he always turned to my parents for advice and really values the relationship. I decided after we broke things off that I wouldn't get in the way of him contacting them since I knew how he felt about it, and I knew it would be unfair.
But recently he dropped by my parents' house only hours after I left and it kind of freaked me out. I don't want to run into him. We did not leave on good terms. I still have a lot of hurt from what happened between us, and I don't like that he's in such close proximity to "my world" so to speak.
I am now avoiding going to my parents' house for fear of seeing him. I figure I can either suck it up, and be civil if I happen to see him or contact him the next time he does it and ask him to stop. My parents know very little about "us" since I kept it private, so they have no clue as to how I feel.
What would you do?
It's understandable that he'd want to stay in contact since you guys knew each other and each others families for years BUT the fact is, that relationship is over and you should be very clear and honest with your parents. Tell them how you feel about him visiting them and explain that things ended poorly and that you are not comfortable with the idea of a chance meeting with him at your parents place.
If I were in this situation and I was your Mom I'd respect your wishes and tell this guy that he can't come over anymore and I'd make it very clear in spite of his feelings or theirs, it's their daughter and I don't think something like this should come between you and your family.
On the other hand (trying to see it from both sides), your parents assuming they don't know how you feel, probably don't view his as "your ex", they probably look at him as an old family friend and see no issue with the visits.
Either way, a sit-down talk with your parents IS in order and sooner than later.
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I am going to play the devil's advocate here and suggest another possible approach to the situation. 
