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Starting to be a little more frequently. They stop for A beer and its 4 hours later. I know he isnt doing anything wrong, but it just never used to be like this.
Starting to be a little more frequently. They stop for A beer and its 4 hours later. I know he isnt doing anything wrong, but it just never used to be like this.
I think this is a legit complaint if its happening more than a couple times a month, if only because you are recent transplants.
I dont want to smother him. I think he needs some guy time. But like I said I am just not used to it. And its only a few times a month.
True. But obviously it bothers you, or else you wouldn't have brought it up.
Perhaps you feel that he should be doing more to help you have a social life too, and you resent him a little bit for having made friends when you haven't?
Surely you realize how tough this economy is. You go where there's work whether it's comfortable for you or not. You say you don't want to end your marriage but marriages have ended for a lot less than this. I presume you're in your 40's and this is a very dangerous age for couples, even those who have been married for awhile.
As others have suggested, you need to find other outlets for your time and energy since you apparently aren't happy at work. You especially need to find activities you can do with your husband. Don't fall into a drift because that will happen so slowly you won't know how damaging it is until it's too late.
As for your kids and parents, there's no guarantee they would be around even if you hadn't moved. I don't mean to sound cold but parents do age and die and the kids will develop their own lives and may not want to spend that much time with you anyway. It sounds like you may be using them as a rationalization for your feelings of loneliness.
The bottom line is that when people are married, their no. 1 priority in life should be their spouse, not parents or grown kids. That doesn't mean you can't love and spend time with other family but that when circumstances dictate being with your spouse, you should be with your spouse.
Probably. He always makes friends easy. He just has the knack. I have a very few friends and I trust them with my life. They have always been there for me. This whole thing is really stupid. I always considered myself a pretty strong person. But this for some stupid reason is just crushing me. And I think that I am just looking for some sanity.
You want to hear something really pathetic. I have probably had more social contact here, than I have in the whole year I have been here. Pretty sad. But I do really appreciate your comments, it has really given me some different ways of looking at it. Now to see how much it has helped me, we will see if I dont have a panic attack in the morning,or I can sleep more than 3 hours. Thanks all.
I think a lot of you are being harsh on the OP. Telling her to stop thinking about her family? I think part of the reason why couples don't stay together these days is because they treat themselves as their own island. Used to be that extended family all lived in close proximity of each other so they could be on hand in times of trouble. People who don't know the value of family have nothing. Marriages can end. Children grow up, yes. But there's a way to keep your family together without smothering them.
OP, I fully understand what you're going through. I was miserable in the Pacific Northwest, it was terrible for my health. My entire life as I knew it changed. It wasn't about making friends, because I made plenty of those; my whole lifestyle changed, and I went from being a fun, healthy outdoor/athletic gal to this gloomy, sick person who stayed inside and watched t.v. while it rained. It's jarring whenever you don't have family to support you.
One thing that I did find helpful was to seek out people from my city. We "Ex-pats" formed a tight little network, and many of us were going through the same things as you. Don't be afraid to see your doctor about an antidepressant--they do help you level out. You won't feel high highs, but at least you won't be miserable either. Take care, and great big ::hugs:: from Texas!
I know its totally unbelievably self centered. But I hate not seeing my sons or my parents. It may be almost a year before I can see them again, it just crushes me. I am afraid of all the things in there future I will miss.
I live in a place where, for most of the past 15 years, plentiful jobs have attracted a lot of people to move here to work. Many are like you. It is difficult to leave behind friends and family.
Divorce rates are high and this is often given as he main reason. I wouldn't blame yourself too much. It is the unfortunate side effect of shifting economic opportunities. It stresses most people. All I can suggest is to find things to do that interest you and you will find friends through these activities.
I feel bad for the OP. I fully understand what she is going through.
You have to remember though, that your spouse is your #1 priority, as stated earlier. And just remember, everything happens for a reason.
Be happy that you & your spouse are employed in today's economy. And your kids are always welcome to move (back) to where you guys are. Take care and hang in there. It takes 3-4 years to adapt to a new place, from my experience.
Hell, I moved from Anchorage, AK to Southern CA. Imagine what I went through! Can you say culture shock! I cried all the time for almost 2 years. It's so much easier now. Hang in there (hugs)
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