Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That said, if he had a similar personality and were around my age, I probably WOULD have high expectations... That's really the point of this thread. I wonder what I can take from this situation and apply to something more "serious."
IMO, a woman with high expectations may not know it, but she's making sacrifices in terms of the quality (looks, personality, status) of man she can convince to stick around.
conversely, i can demand that i MUST have a woman who cooks, cleans, does my laundry, et cetera, et cetera.. but i know good and well that the only person who'll put up with that, won't be worth dating.
Are you speaking in terms of having the upper hand and possibly manipulating that individual? Perhaps the guy in question has scored someone typically out of his reach and hence he's accomodating?
That happens a lot, but I'm sensing the OP has tied into something nice until it wears itself out, and it just so happens that the stars, moons, and planets were all alligned perfectly the day they met and it's been a mutually rewarding arrangement for the two of them. That's a rare find, especially after a year. Typically one party either wants more than the other by that stage, or the sparks have fizzled.
Are you speaking in terms of having the upper hand and possibly manipulating that individual? Perhaps the guy in question has scored someone typically out of his reach and hence he's accomodating?
That happens a lot, but I'm sensing the OP has tied into something nice until it wears itself out, and it just so happens that the stars, moons, and planets were all alligned perfectly the day they met and it's been a mutually rewarding arrangement for the two of them. That's a rare find, especially after a year. Typically one party either wants more than the other by that stage, or the sparks have fizzled.
I wonder what I can take from this situation and apply to something more "serious."
To an extent you probably can. I know that when I stopped thinking my husband should be the sun, the moon and the stars to me, he really stepped up to the plate. It was as if by harping on him (even if in what I felt were "unobtrusive" or "non-confrontational" ways--if you know what I mean) to do this, do that, be this, be that, I wasn't giving him the chance to think of doing and being all those things on his own.
Obviously I have expectations of my husband, and he has expectations of me. But I no longer feel he should guess my moods...do the vast majority of the physical stuff in the house or at least want to ("knight in shining armor")...or be exactly the kind of parent to our kids that I am (we are NOT the same people). Etc.
I didn't even realize those expectations were deep, and I mean deeeeeeeeeeeeeep down there underneath my "I'm a strong woman" attitude, until I really thought about it. But they, and more, were there. I let go a little and let him be himself and we are way happier, and no, he doesn't do less than before, or care less than before...actually, he does more, and cares more.
I do more and care more too. It was a win-win.
You probably couldn't have the expectation-less Nirvana with a serious relationship dude that you have with this man, but I do really feel you're pointing out something here that makes perfect sense and that can be a great lesson.
Are you speaking in terms of having the upper hand and possibly manipulating that individual?
well, i'm just saying that having expectations of others has consequences.
having unrealistic expectations of others, has correspondingly severe consequences.
Quote:
That happens a lot, but I'm sensing the OP has tied into something nice until it wears itself out, and it just so happens that the stars, moons, and planets were all alligned perfectly the day they met and it's been a mutually rewarding arrangement for the two of them. That's a rare find, especially after a year. Typically one party either wants more than the other by that stage, or the sparks have fizzled.
yeah, definitely.
based on how she describes it, they almost sound enlightened. who could argue with enjoying what you have in the present moment?
That said, if he had a similar personality and were around my age, I probably WOULD have high expectations... That's really the point of this thread. I wonder what I can take from this situation and apply to something more "serious."
Where I think we fail or drive others away is having unrealistic expectations. Perhaps if we kept it simple, had a good foundation to work with, alot of people would be much happier. There is not perfect checklist and I don't believe there is anyone that can be everything to us. We have to pick our battles, check our expectations and consider what we, ourselves, are bringing to the table as well.
It's a hard find the right balance of too much expectation and not enough but it can be done. Either way, if you never expect more from a person than you are willing to give, you will have a much easier go of it.
You mean like telling your best friend to lose the comb-over or dress his age?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225
Hi5!!
Apparently neither of you understand the difference between accepting someone as they are and being their friend. Acceptance means not trying to change them. But that doesn't preclude you from being candid with them and telling them what they might need to hear, especially you're trying to help them. So if your friend wants to walk around in an outfit that makes them look like a fool or hide their bald spot with a really bad comb-over, you let them. But part of being their friend means clueing them into something they may not be aware of. The fact that I have to explain that distinction to the two of you begs the question whether you understand what friendship entails.
Where I think we fail or drive others away is having unrealistic expectations.
(bolding mine) This may be the bottom line. ^
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
