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1. Good that you're not bent out of shape over this. Use this time and experience to learn -- about dating and about yourself.
Thanks, I actually feel a lot better about this than I thought I would. I honestly won't lose sleep if she never called me again.
2. Orincarnia was correct: You phrased that wrong, gave off a lack of confidence. Never say if you don't want to hang out I understand unless you're honestly TRYING to give them an out because you're no longer interested. It comes off hangdog, slightly pathetic.
I can see that, but whatever, I was just trying to get a feel if she was blowing me off or she really was busy. I'd just rather not waste either of our time at this point.
3. This woman is working AND in the middle of attempting to purchase a home. Odds are she WAS interested at the outset. However, you've got to take an honest look at yourself. You're currently unemployed, only have "offers on the hook", not an actual job. This woman is WORKING on her future -- proactively. I'm not saying anything about you as a person BUT people who are being proactive about their own futures may be initially attracted yet they're forced to ask themselves where is this going? What potential does it have?
She knows I've been successful and I doubt she lacks faith in my ability to be a contributor in the future. If she's worrying about me in that regard, she should really be worrying mor about herself. She's a hairdresser with no college degree. Afterall, I'm the one with two bachelor's degrees...she dropped out after 1 year. She's aware of my ambitions, and we share many of the same ones.
4. I won't speculate on whether the 2nd date making out session was "more than she wanted or less than she expected"; that would be total speculation, although it's where some people tend to go right off the bat. I'd be MUCH more likely to pay attention to the part where she had to give you a ride home. There's nothing wrong with public transportation and in some areas that's the norm -- but if she owns a car and you don't have one, it comes across more like a reinforcement of the fact that you're unemployed.
The thing about the car, most people around my age living in downtown chicago do NOT have a car. It makes no sense really unless you travel out of the city a lot or have a long commute. I live downtown, work downtown, Chicago has great public transportation. Not having a car is not a strike against me in my environment. She only has a car because she still lives in the neighborhood her family has resided in for generations, and he parents pay for her car.
EDIT: If you do have a car, was hers pretty nice and yours a jalopy, so she felt more comfortable taking hers? Why didn't you take yours (don't answer that, just think about the answer) if you have one which is perfectly fine? Some women simply like to drive, be in control, but typically they prefer a man to drive on dates. [/edit]
Her car is nothing special, probably a 10 year old bronco. We met downtown, took the train together back to her neighborhood/house. Neither of us drove to where we met for the date. It was either the train or a cab. She gave me a ride home because she offered. I was ready to take the train and last minute she offered to drive me. No biggy.
Of note: I've mentioned two factors pointing toward the unemployment status. DON'T take this as a statement that women are "just material"; instead, remember that if you were gainfully employed and someone else hadn't been for a while, didn't have a vehicle so you had to ferry them around, etc, you'd (hopefully) be realistically hesitant too. Sure, the economy is tough and things are hard right now, but this woman cannot possibly know whether you're currently unemployed or habitually unemployed. You can tell her, but you could tell her anything. You could tell her you're not really a man at all but rather, a highly evolved form of bicycle. See? You could TELL her anything.
I wouldn't call anymore. Frankly, I think she's taking a pass on this one. In your shoes I wouldn't let it eat away at me BUT I'd ask myself whether I need to be actively dating (casual is fine, but pursuing more dates... not so much) while unemployed. It gives off a moocher signal whether that's your nature or not. Plenty of guys can come up with the dough for a few dates but a smart woman asks herself how long that will last rather than enjoying it and getting all caught up.
You make a good point about actively dating. I only started again because I'm practically employed again. I have 2 offers now that are giving me as much time as I want to accept, and I'm holding out on the job I really want which the interview process starts tomorrow. I can start dating as I'm most likely going to be employed by the time I meet a new girl anyway.
I really can't tell if this girl is passing or not. Part of me cares as I can see myself dating this girl, and she had brought up some future date ideas that I looked forward to. But I think I may just wait on ever calling her again. Maybe after 2 weeks. This will give her an idea that I'm not clingy and I can go a while without talking to her, and she may also be testing me as well. If I call in a couple weeks it might show her that she isn't just a potential fling in my eyes and that I really would like to see her again.
But yeah, this actually makes the whole dating thing easier when your stomach isn't in a knot and you can get some sleep on a regular basis.
Later edit: I also am confident in the fact that if I call her and she shoots me down, or even worse doesn't answer and never calls me back, then I'm really not worried about it. I like her, I know what I have to offer and if she's not interested then I can feel good about the fun we did have and that she's the one passing on a good guy...however I'm staying objective, my jury is still out on her ;-)
Last edited by cdubs3201; 09-02-2010 at 03:31 PM..
Well, I can tell you in my dating life, if I've been out a few times with a guy I really, really dig enough to want to sleep with, then I'm going to return his calls and I'm going to want to see him again very soon regardless of how busy my life is. She is being polite, but I agree with previous posters that she has taken the out. I wouldn't call her two weeks or two years from now. Let her contact you if/when she chooses to.
Well if you all are right, and she is passing on me, and she's taken the out....why would she text me 5 min ago saying "just wanted to say hey and see how u are, sorry things are crazy for me trying to get my place on the market" ? Is she just playing a game then? I'm thinking I should just walk from this...
Well if you all are right, and she is passing on me, and she's taken the out....why would she text me 5 min ago saying "just wanted to say hey and see how u are, sorry things are crazy for me trying to get my place on the market".
For the record, I did not contact her.
I said, "let her contact you" and she did. That is great!!
I said, "let her contact you" and she did. That is great!!
Ok, what do I respond with?
I don't want to ask her out again, that might seem "clingy" or "desperate". So I'm going to just say something like "I'm great, been busy, good luck with selling your house"
I don't want to ask her out again, that might seem "clingy" or "desperate". So I'm going to just say something like "I'm great, been busy, good luck with selling your house"
I don't want to ask her out again, that might seem "clingy" or "desperate". So I'm going to just say something like "I'm great, been busy, good luck with selling your house"
Yes, go with that response. And just wait until she finally asks YOU out, then say "let me check my schedule because I'm really busy these days too"... then get back to her and accept the date, if you want to. Otherwise, in the meantime keep your dating options open.
We exchanged a couple more texts....she asked if I liked any of the companies from my interview, I said there's some good ones I might take, then she said one of her clients just showed up and she had to run.
My take: I think she's trying to bait me into asking her out again, which I won't. I won't contact her again either, if she wants to talk, she'll have to contact me again. I don't like games, but fck it. I don't care what happens either way so I'm going to play along but not get baited into making a move.
Update: she texted a little more about nothing, I played along, didn't ask her out, asked her about the upcoming weekend, she said what she was up to, then I said "sounds wonderful, gotta run, kickboxing class starts soon"
Last edited by cdubs3201; 09-02-2010 at 05:44 PM..
Your first few dates were hours and hours long - I would personally hate that. Maybe it's just my interpretation, but it sounds like you were jumping in too fast/deep and expecting something from it - and when she wasn't as enthusiastic about it as you like, you freak out. You always have these weird rules and assumptions about the women you date and (IMO) that's what kills it for you.
I would take an out, absolutely. But I am also (atypically) brutally honest and upfront. If I like someone, I will let them know. If I don't like someone, it's no secret.
If you're already holding her to your weird standards, it's definitely best to let her go.
We exchanged a couple more texts....she asked if I liked any of the companies from my interview, I said there's some good ones I might take, then she said one of her clients just showed up and she had to run.
My take: I think she's trying to bait me into asking her out again, which I won't. I won't contact her again either, if she wants to talk, she'll have to contact me again. I don't like games, but fck it. I don't care what happens either way so I'm going to play along but not get baited into making a move.
Update: she texted a little more about nothing, I played along, didn't ask her out, asked her about the upcoming weekend, she said what she was up to, then I said "sounds wonderful, gotta run, kickboxing class starts soon"
that sounds a bit immature
and this is coming from a guy that just wrote a thread about trying to have sex with his hot female stalker...
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