Ever given an out and didn't take it?

[mir86]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

We exchanged a couple more texts....she asked if I liked any of the companies from my interview, I said there's some good ones I might take, then she said one of her clients just showed up and she had to run.

My take: I think she's trying to bait me into asking her out again, which I won't. I won't contact her again either, if she wants to talk, she'll have to contact me again. I don't like games, but fck it. I don't care what happens either way so I'm going to play along but not get baited into making a move.

Update: she texted a little more about nothing, I played along, didn't ask her out, asked her about the upcoming weekend, she said what she was up to, then I said "sounds wonderful, gotta run, kickboxing class starts soon"

she's "baiting" you because she's most likely traditional and expects the man to ask her out. That is your role, as a man. I completely get the fact that she should contact you now, but if you want a date, you ask for it. That is how I think she feels.

[NorCal Dude]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

If anyone remembers me, I took a few months off from dating, so far it's been great! I have been unemployed and just enjoying the summer, but on the verge of landing a few job offers so everything is all good.

I ended up responding to an email that a woman initiated with me, she is the same age (27 years old). Date 1 went well, met for drinks, talked for 6 hours. Date 2 started out as a visit to the art institute which evolved to drinks at a local bar, then drinks later at a bar in her neighborhood, and then some heavy couch making out sessions at her place. Basically date 2 started at noon, and she gave me a ride home at 2:30 am. Date 3 she was able to squeeze in as she had a lot going on, but we found time to grab lunch and head to the zoo for a couple hours. She's busy with work and purchasing a condo, yet the 3rd date seemed a little weak (just didn't seem as much spark) but still enjoyable. This was last monday, and she mentioned being busy most of the week with work and plans with friends.

I ended up texting with her last wednesday and set up a dinner date for sunday night. Tried calling her Sat night, texted her again sunday morning to see if we were still on for dinner (we had not defined specifics like time and location yet), which she replied on sunday afternoon "sorry but I have too much going on and tonight won't work (sad face)".

Normally this would bother me and this is where things get hairy. So as previously advised, I just did what I felt like and I said
"hey, that's cool. I just want to let you know that if you're not interested in going out again then I understand, but I am up for going out again when you're available."
Her: "My life is just crazy right now, I'm game for hanging out again"
Me: "cool, I understand this time of year is always crazy"
Her: "Thanks for being sweet"

I actually don't feel any of the anxiety or worry I used to have. Let's face it, I'm really only keeping one objective in sight here which is basically to hook up with this girl. If a relationship develops and feels right then I'll roll with it, but I'm going to sound like a jerk and admit I'm only interested in sex from women right now. That's all I'm going for at this point.

So after those of you can get over the fact that I'm taking this approach as it is much easier emotionally, as well as I'm aware of the fact this girl could be doing the same thing as other women I've liked and dated, she may just follow suit and disappear on me completely.

I guess my question is that part of me wants to hold out, treat this girl out on another date and enjoy her company, maybe develop something and roll the dice on actually get laid the next time. Or: I can walk from this and just never call her again. Give up on it before it annoys me. For some reason I feel like she is blowing me off and she really doesn't want to go out again. Yeah, I know what she said, I gave her an out and she didn't take it. Howver, life experiences have taught me HER WORDS MEAN NOTHING. The facts are that she blew off the date just a few hours before and she hasn't contacted me since. My 6th sense says she could care less about seeing me again, and everything that's happened on our dates really can't be taken with any importance, none of it matters to her. Women have this ability to get really physical with a guy, spend all day with him, go out of her way to cook food for him, and even try to make date plans a month in advance with a guy that they don't have any interest in, which is what I think this girl is doing.

I don't know how else to explain it, I just feel it. I know she doesn't want to go out again and she's blowing me off. But the best part is that it really doesn't bother me. No chest pain, no lack of sleep, not something I think a lot about (I'm sure this long post doesn't help that argument, but I assure you I don't). I'm just an overanlyzer by nature, that aspect of my personality is never going to change. I'm just interested in getting out my thoughts and gaining any feedback or response. As you all know how much I value alternative viewpoints.

So have you ever been given a chance to end a dating situation or relationship and didn't? Especially when you knew you didn't like the person that way and it wasn't going anywhere? Have you dodged the easy chance to take the honest way out or did you cop out and disappear like a coward? Just curious to the other side of this situation's perspective.

I hope everyone and all my old forum friends are doing as well as I am!

your biggest mistake was not having like 15 girls to follow up with

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by NorCal Dude

your biggest mistake was not having like 15 girls to follow up with

I did that for a while, and it got a little crazy. I don't want to make a hobby out of dating. I've met too many women who have been on too many dates and I know they'll never find someone because it became too common for them. I don't want to get to that point.

Originally Posted by mir86

she's "baiting" you because she's most likely traditional and expects the man to ask her out. That is your role, as a man. I completely get the fact that she should contact you now, but if you want a date, you ask for it. That is how I think she feels.

I can see this point of view, but I can't help but get the feeling that if I can told everyone that I did ask her out and she blew me off, then you'd be saying "you fell into her bait" or "you need to let her make the next step and set up the date" or something of that nature.

I may have left this out, but I did ask her what she was up to this weekend, she sounded busy. She didn't even really ask what I was up to or hint that she wanted to do something with me. She didn't give me any window or idea that she wanted to see me again. I know what was going on, I've been in that situation before. She just wants me to chase her so she can shoot me down and talk about it the next day with her friends at the salon.

Let's be straight here, if she really liked me she would've never broken the date. This is why I get annoyed with dating.

[MAtheBanker]

Originally Posted by spinx

Your first few dates were hours and hours long - I would personally hate that. Maybe it's just my interpretation, but it sounds like you were jumping in too fast/deep and expecting something from it - and when she wasn't as enthusiastic about it as you like, you freak out. You always have these weird rules and assumptions about the women you date and (IMO) that's what kills it for you.

I would take an out, absolutely. But I am also (atypically) brutally honest and upfront. If I like someone, I will let them know. If I don't like someone, it's no secret.

If you're already holding her to your weird standards, it's definitely best to let her go.

I wish I could have rep'ed you 20 times for that!!

Some people just aren't meant to date. The ones that are successful in life that go by that rule are the ones who actually FOLLOW that rule