Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In most romantic relationships, there are disputes and annoyances. My step-dad often breaks cups by accident, or removes documents from tables unknowingly, but such is life, and people are people. We all have foibles and flaws.
I'm not belittling her problem, but a lot of people get angry from work, or express anger towards pets should they not act as we like.
I think the fact that she's on here posting about it and that she says she can't even talk to him about it speaks volumes.
Oh, we talked after we took a day off to think (or I to think and converse with you all).
It would take far too long to go into detail, since I'm taking a break at work.
We don't have a magic cure, but have agreed when the situation flares up again, we'll both just have to realize that our opposing reactions are just how we feel about that situation. Neither of us can change the other, but it's not a deal breaker.
He was largely upset because I was feeling like he might lash out at me, which he never has done and says he never will. We just have to trust each other. I'm not going to waste time wondering "what if".
Therefore, I'm peaceful and cool about it. We'll take a little more time to relax and ease into our holiday weekend with no expectations on the horizon.
Thanks for all of your help. I'm through with this thread.
Desirable trait?
...haven't heard complaints about those traits.
Really? I've seen people complain about those traits, although they may have had a different name for the trait at the time. This is kind of tongue in cheek, but many personality traits have a negative flip side...
Quote:
Generous
Poor with money, spoils their children
Quote:
smart
Easily frustrated with people less so, can come off as arrogant
Quote:
caring
Sucker, push over, naive
Quote:
patient
Can't cut through the BS to get things done, doesn't care, isn't assertive enough
Quote:
hard-working
Works to much, neglects health and neglects their family/relationships
Quote:
attentive
Annoying, co-dependent, anal retentive
Many personality traits that are often seen as negative often have positive rewards (arrogance is confidence, separated by a matter of degree and perception) Even if its just the ability to manipulate people...which, like it or not, it probably the most rewarding ability with regards to interacting with people and making money.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston
So why is my opinion invalid? She has not stated furhter what the issue is.
Don't over-analyze. You said you didn't see a problem with his behavior. I said she does, that's what matters because she's the one who sees the whole picture.
I think that unless his behaviour is destructive to himself, you or others, then you have a right to voice your concern. If it isn't, then sorry there really isn't much you can do.
He is how he is...and as previous posters have said, you either accept it or don't. It is wrong to try and change someone.
I had a friend in the boat you are in...was engaged to the guy and tried to change him. Ultimately they ended up breaking off the engagement. You aren't going to like every single thing about your SO, that's just human nature, but you need to decide what you can accept and live with and what you can't.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181
I think that unless his behaviour is destructive to himself, you or others, then you have a right to voice your concern. If it isn't, then sorry there really isn't much you can do.
He is how he is...and as previous posters have said, you either accept it or don't. It is wrong to try and change someone.
I had a friend in the boat you are in...was engaged to the guy and tried to change him. Ultimately they ended up breaking off the engagement. You aren't going to like every single thing about your SO, that's just human nature, but you need to decide what you can accept and live with and what you can't.
No one has to just accept uncontrolled anger in their s/o and they have a right to address it without being accused of trying to change them. Anger is known to escalate and often get out of control if not addressed. It's only natural for one to be concerned about it. It's not as if you're trying to change how they like to spend their time or their interests or anything. If my anger concerned others I'd expect them to come to me about it. Communication should be a plus, not a negative thing.
No one has to just accept uncontrolled anger in their s/o and they have a right to address it without being accused of trying to change them. Anger is known to escalate and often get out of control if not addressed. It's only natural for one to be concerned about it. It's not as if you're trying to change how they like to spend their time or their interests or anything. If my anger concerned others I'd expect them to come to me about it. Communication should be a plus, not a negative thing.
Yeah but people are how they are. I am a messy slob...my apartment is gross and I know it...and I know maybe that isn't as bad as anger (or to some maybe it is) but that's just how I am. Someone addressing it with me isn't going to change it, it's only going to get me more annoyed.
Chances are the guy is fully aware of how he is. He can choose to do something about it or not but it isn't the girlfriend's job to say things about it. It will only make him more angry.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181
Yeah but people are how they are. I am a messy slob...my apartment is gross and I know it...and I know maybe that isn't as bad as anger (or to some maybe it is) but that's just how I am. Someone addressing it with me isn't going to change it, it's only going to get me more annoyed.
Chances are the guy is fully aware of how he is. He can choose to do something about it or not but it isn't the girlfriend's job to say things about it. It will only make him more angry.
Disagree. I and all family members and friends are grateful that loved-ones said something to another family member about his anger which has been increasing over the years. He finally saw someone about it only to discover he was bipolar. He's on medication now and says he feels like a new man. He no longer has the anger and rage and he finds joy in things he never used to. Thank God for people in his life who were willing to speak up. He sincerely thought it was everyone elses fault he was always angry.
Disagree. I and all family members and friends are grateful that loved-ones said something to another family member about his anger which has been increasing over the years. He finally saw someone about it only to discover he was bipolar. He's on medication now and says he feels like a new man. He no longer has the anger and rage and he finds joy in things he never used to. Thank God for people in his life who were willing to speak up. He sincerely thought it was everyone elses fault he was always angry.
Sometimes it is though. I get angry sometimes...b/c of the actions of others. No one really gets that angry @ themselves all the time. Most often my anger is caused by other people. If other people weren't so into themselves all the time, this man (OP's boyf) wouldn't be getting so angry. You can't change the way society is and how people act. It's a crummy world out there...most people don't exist to make others happy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
