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That's the time you high 5 and say "Heck with Disney, we're going to Jamaica". That time after the kids can be the best time of a couples lives if they let it be. You have time, more money and the house stays clean.
That's the time a couple should go to Vegas to renew the Vows, learn to play again and start a brand new love affair with each other.
Absolutely.
Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. Let me say that again. I. Love. My. Kids.
I would step in front of a bus for one of my children. I would make just about any sacrifice for their health and happiness. I have given up vacations to sit in bleachers. I have happily scribbled out checks for violin lessons, summer camps, you name it.
But my children are guests in the life my wife and I share. If parents do their job well, the child grows, learns, and leaves. The spouse should remain.
My last child graduates six years from now. My wife and I, while we'll be sad to see him go, already look ahead to life ahead with a degree of anticipation. And we don't apologize for doing so.
Affairs can happen even in great relationships - something doesn't have to be wrong before the possibility arises. It can simply be the allure of someone different, perhaps combined with opportunity and a weak moment.
If there is one trait we lack sadly in society is communication.....we bury hurts and pain and unanswered wants and needs and keep digging and shoveling until the bottom falls out or it blows up in our faces.....then we're bewildered and lost and wonder where we went wrong when, often, all it took is the time to sit down and look someone in the eye and say: I'm not happy; can we talk?
I know, I know....simplistic and unrealistic and Pollyannaish...our upbringings and molded way of dealing with things as children is as ingrained in us in adulthood as our eye color.....fitting together as husband and wife is far harder than we ever give credit to....
And keep in mind, we are living longer and have it easier than any other time in the history of mankind.....gone is the constant worry about food and shelter that our not too long ago frontier foraging forefathers faced daily....who cared about feelings when there was a blizzard that has trapped you in your cabin and there's no food and the babies are starving and your wife died in childbirth so you marry the widowed neighbor with 5 kids without barely knowing what she looked like becasue you needed a wife/mother to care for your household......feelings? Yeah, right after I harvest the back 50 honey-pie .....
We've come a long way baby.....and now with full bellies and secured roofs and heated homes, we have new problems: how to deal with one another.....
Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. Let me say that again. I. Love. My. Kids.
I would step in front of a bus for one of my children. I would make just about any sacrifice for their health and happiness. I have given up vacations to sit in bleachers. I have happily scribbled out checks for violin lessons, summer camps, you name it.
But my children are guests in the life my wife and I share. If parents do their job well, the child grows, learns, and leaves. The spouse should remain.
My last child graduates six years from now. My wife and I, while we'll be sad to see him go, already look ahead to life ahead with a degree of anticipation. And we don't apologize for doing so.
Hear hear....our youngest of 4 is an upandcoming senior in hs and when people look at me and ask, aren't you sad.....I tell them, noooo, my job was to rasie my children to adulthood and then it's our turn to take care of us.....selfish?
Nope! I was 190 percent mom for 31 years and as the nest empties, I'm downsizing and doing things that aren't dominated by my kids wants....a 1st for me!!!!!
And I wouldn't want it any other way...my kids are my life, my legacy but mom's gonna leave her own mark too......
My last child graduates six years from now. My wife and I, while we'll be sad to see him go, already look ahead to life ahead with a degree of anticipation. And we don't apologize for doing so.
Our youngest and last son at home came to me one day as a senior in High School. He announced he loved the house, the pool, the big screen TV and was going to live at home while he went to college. His mom & I were really looking forward to an empty nest and I told him "I don't think so. There's a dorm room with your name on it and it's time to get on down the road."
We never felt bad about helping the kids become independent. Many kids just need that little momma bird push out of the nest.
I hit my wife up to go to Vegas to renew our vows, I thought it would be a great idea. She said she would only if she could revoke the 1st set of Vows and could rewrite them now that she's smarter.
We never did go, I was pretty sure I would not like the new set of vows.
Our youngest and last son at home came to me one day as a senior in High School. He announced he loved the house, the pool, the big screen TV and was going to live at home while he went to college. His mom & I were really looking forward to an empty nest and I told him "I don't think so. There's a dorm room with your name on it and it's time to get on down the road."
We never felt bad about helping the kids become independent. Many kids just need that little momma bird push out of the nest.
I hit my wife up to go to Vegas to renew our vows, I thought it would be a great idea. She said she would only if she could revoke the 1st set of Vows and could rewrite them now that she's smarter.
We never did go, I was pretty sure I would not like the new set of vows.
......momma bird knows best....I always lived in fear of the "adult child that never left home" syndrome....
Love the Vegas story....hubbie brings up going there too.....maybe I should start my own "better late than never" vows and see what he thinks of them LOL
I respect your opinion but still do not believe for a minute that cheating can happen "by accident". It's not like you leave work one day, fall down a flight of stairs and land in someones vagina.
Funny you should mention that - just the other day one of the girls was coming off stage, tripped and landed right on my...
Well, you get the idea.
Do you, CAN you actually PLAN to go out and have an affair? I don't mean just the physical act of cheating - of course you can do that. I mean an affair. After all, they ARE rules for an affair, NOT for cheating. And an affair is to cheating as the Space Shuttle is to Wilbur and Orville's contraption.
Quote:
Even if you don't have intentions of starting something per se, the moment before it happens you KNOW you are about to do something wrong and by all accounts does not fall under what the category of "accident".
Um, actually, according to field notes, no - you don't know it until it's already happened. Too many sensations, too much brain freeze, tunnel vision...just like being mugged - you react solely at first by animal instinct. Only later can you make a calm, slightly more rational decision whether to continue or not.
It's not an accident. It's a multi step process that has any number of opportunities for the potential cheater to evaluate the situation and turn around.
Did they "accidentally" start spending time alone with the opposite sex?
Did they "accidentally" find dating websites on their computer?
Did they "accidentally suggest meeting up with their coworker for drinks after hours?
Did they "accidentally" find themselves at a hotel room?
If you prevent yourself from taking the first steps (no matter how innocent you think they might be), it's far easier to prevent the later ones.
Once again, I think there's some confusion between "cheating" and "affair".
You don't plan an affair - not at first. It just happens. Like an act of G*d. Cheating? Sure, you can line up honeys all day long in anticipation of a long night. Not so with an affair.
And I'm pretty much done with this topic - thanks for the social intercourse, folks!
Once again, I think there's some confusion between "cheating" and "affair".
You don't plan an affair - not at first. It just happens. Like an act of G*d. Cheating? Sure, you can line up honeys all day long in anticipation of a long night. Not so with an affair.
I have the opposite viewpoint. I think cheating can be a fling, a mistake, a one-time thing, whatever--but to me, an affair is a long-term cheat. In other words, affairs are cheating, but I wouldn't call all cheating affairs.
I have the opposite viewpoint. I think cheating can be a fling, a mistake, a one-time thing, whatever--but to me, an affair is a long-term cheat. In other words, affairs are cheating, but I wouldn't call all cheating affairs.
Just how I view the words.
True. An affair is pre-meditated and requires a great deal of planning, just as the OP detailed. A fling might be what happens over too much wine on a biz trip.
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