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Old 09-08-2010, 10:16 AM
 
239 posts, read 824,530 times
Reputation: 195

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A relative of mine use to be so beautiful and thin and sexy. But that was in the past. I was looking at her wedding photos the other day. She must have been maybe 120 pounds at 5 foot seven. She was so thin and so pretty.

Now fast forward 15 years and she is divorced, angry, bitter, and maybe 350 pounds. She looks terrible!

If that happened to your spouse could you stay interested?
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:55 AM
 
8,519 posts, read 14,325,276 times
Reputation: 7665
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Outcast View Post
A relative of mine use to be so beautiful and thin and sexy. But that was in the past. I was looking at her wedding photos the other day. She must have been maybe 120 pounds at 5 foot seven. She was so thin and so pretty.

Now fast forward 15 years and she is divorced, angry, bitter, and maybe 350 pounds. She looks terrible!

If that happened to your spouse could you stay interested?
People don't turn into this overnight unless there was a medical condition or it was a side effect of taking medication. So if someone goes from 120 to 350 in 15 years, then the real question should be why? People get married expecting to grow old together, which includes potentially gaining weight. So if you're someone whose spouse gained that much weight, then you need to ask why it happened and whether you could've helped prevent it. A lot of people eat under stress. Stress of their jobs, taking care of kids, taking care of parents, etc. A good partner pays attention to whether their SO is under stress and how they're dealing with it. So if you see your partner responding by eating, then I would assume you'd speak up and help them find a healthier way of dealing with stress before things got out of hand. But weight is such a touchy subject. There's no easy way to tell your spouse that you're worried about their weight gain without them feeling like it's an insult. You can try to approach it from the health standpoint, but a lot of times they may not believe that's your real concern.
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Old 09-08-2010, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Way up high
17,351 posts, read 23,116,249 times
Reputation: 20661
My ex gained 130lbs during our 4 year relationship...I stayed at 130lb
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Old 09-08-2010, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,669 posts, read 20,964,635 times
Reputation: 21344
Yes, my husband gained a lot of weight. We have been married 35 years. About a year ago, he had gastric sleeve surgery and has lost a lot of weight. He looks great now, but I loved him even when he was heavy. Didn't change my feelings for him. Of course, I was concerned for his health and of course, I do prefer the way he looks now, but again, I loved him no matter what he weighed.
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Old 09-08-2010, 11:35 AM
 
25,736 posts, read 27,220,630 times
Reputation: 24468
350 pounds? It would be difficult for me to feel physical attraction. But I would still love the person. My hubs has gained weight since we married, and so have I. He's gained...let me think. Maybe 40 pounds? 30 pounds? I still jump him, though.

A very, very, very massive weight gain, though, would really worry me and as I said, I'm sure I wouldn't be as eager to do the jumping. I sure wouldn't stop loving him, though.
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Old 09-08-2010, 11:45 AM
 
1,646 posts, read 2,201,478 times
Reputation: 865
my exhusband gained 40 pounds...not sexy anymore.
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Old 09-08-2010, 11:56 AM
 
8,680 posts, read 13,990,568 times
Reputation: 15290
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
People don't turn into this overnight unless there was a medical condition or it was a side effect of taking medication. So if someone goes from 120 to 350 in 15 years, then the real question should be why? People get married expecting to grow old together, which includes potentially gaining weight. So if you're someone whose spouse gained that much weight, then you need to ask why it happened and whether you could've helped prevent it. A lot of people eat under stress. Stress of their jobs, taking care of kids, taking care of parents, etc. A good partner pays attention to whether their SO is under stress and how they're dealing with it. So if you see your partner responding by eating, then I would assume you'd speak up and help them find a healthier way of dealing with stress before things got out of hand. But weight is such a touchy subject. There's no easy way to tell your spouse that you're worried about their weight gain without them feeling like it's an insult. You can try to approach it from the health standpoint, but a lot of times they may not believe that's your real concern.
How about the stress of being married to an ahole?

Looks like you didn't think of that.

You wouldn't believe the number of women who cope with a bad marriage by eating. They eat because it's the only thing in their lives that makes them feel nurtured. They eat because they are tired because--say it with me, kids--they work fulltime, come home, and have to do all of the chores while their lazy-arse husbands sit on the couch thinking their own work ended at 5:00.

As for the part about telling the wife how fat she's getting, come on, Denny. Women have mirrors. Women have scales. Women have clothes that have to be replaced in bigger sizes. They don't need their husbands' "helpful suggestions" couched in terms of "a health standpoint" when 99% of the time it's really about the husband's sexual desires and whether he's embarrassed to be seen in public with a fat wife. Get with reality, man!
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Old 09-08-2010, 12:05 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 13,990,568 times
Reputation: 15290
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Outcast View Post
A relative of mine use to be so beautiful and thin and sexy. But that was in the past. I was looking at her wedding photos the other day. She must have been maybe 120 pounds at 5 foot seven. She was so thin and so pretty.

Now fast forward 15 years and she is divorced, angry, bitter, and maybe 350 pounds. She looks terrible!

If that happened to your spouse could you stay interested?
Yes, and in your deep and abiding love and concern for your relative, you care about how she looks. It couldn't have anything do to with her divorce, and the reasons behind it. It couldn't possibly be that she is depressed and has had to deal with issues you don't even know about. All you know is she was "so pretty" and now she "looks terrible!" No wonder that man left her, right? To heck with family. SHAME ON HER!

I hope you're not in her will.
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Old 09-08-2010, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Central FL
1,382 posts, read 3,467,255 times
Reputation: 1191
My husband is 6' tall. He weighted maybe 165 when we started dating. Today he weighs about 240. He started a new hobby of weightlifting and tried to bulk up. He did add some muscle but he also added a lot of fat. He keeps buying larger and larger pants. I have to say that my attraction has been dampened somewhat, esp because he has also started dressing like a slob. (baggy camo cargo shorts, sleeveless shirts, etc).

I'm making an effort to keep myself up. I recently lost about 8 lbs due to depression, so at least I look good. I'm 5'7" and down to about 121 lbs. Now I just need to tone up. Meanwhile, he never compliments me or anything. At least my Facebook friends do.
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Old 09-08-2010, 12:21 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,367 posts, read 13,462,004 times
Reputation: 10346
Quote:
Originally Posted by MovedfromFL View Post
My husband is 6' tall. He weighted maybe 165 when we started dating. Today he weighs about 240. He started a new hobby of weightlifting and tried to bulk up. He did add some muscle but he also added a lot of fat. He keeps buying larger and larger pants. I have to say that my attraction has been dampened somewhat, esp because he has also started dressing like a slob. (baggy camo cargo shorts, sleeveless shirts, etc).

I'm making an effort to keep myself up. I recently lost about 8 lbs due to depression, so at least I look good. I'm 5'7" and down to about 121 lbs. Now I just need to tone up. Meanwhile, he never compliments me or anything. At least my Facebook friends do.
Have you discussed any of this with him, that you are becoming less attracted to him due to weight gain, and that you wish you could hear more compliments from him? Because these things aren't going to change by magic. It's just going to get worse and worse -- better to have an honest talk right now and nip it in the bud. (Be prepared to hear any of his criticisms he may have about you too.)
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