Do you tell people when they say or do something wrong? (women, husband)
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I say something hurtful to the next door neighbor- who is usually very friendly- without meaning to be mean. He does not tell me he is upset, but he sure is. Two days later I see him in the yard and call out his name. He looks away and does not respond. He is angry at me for what I said but does not say so. A week later I see him again. I call out his name and make a comment. He again give me the cold shoulder because he is angry at the innocent comment that angered him the week before. I see him a third time and say hello again and he still gives me the cold shoulder. I approach him and ask if he is mad at me for something. He says. "no" but his body language and tone says differently. That is passive aggressive behavior. Why can't he be honest with me about his disapproval of what he said and discuss it like adults?
Is this real or hypothetical?
If it's real, you know dang well that what you said was clueless and offensive, so just man up and say, "Hey, I was thinking the other day that what I said about XYZ came out wrong. I hope it didn't offend you, but if it did, that wasn't my intention and I apologize."
If someone seemingly out of nowhere gives you the cold shoulder and you ask him if something is wrong and he says no, that is his problem. Continuing to push the issue is rude, and he's only going to dislike you more, so just leave him alone.
The story is true, and why should I apolize to him. I said nothing wrong and he is the one who is being rude to me. He was over sensitive. But for reason he did feel I said something wrong and avoided me for a long time because he preferred a passive aggressive approach.
In your opinion you said nothing wrong, but nonetheless he was offended. Knowing this, and doing nothing to clear up the misunderstanding makes you insensitive in contrast to his (in your opinion) over sensitivity.
You're both wrong, IMO, and both too proud to fix it.
Even if you really did nothing wrong and he took it wrong, then what harm is done (versus what good) by apologizing?
I say something hurtful to the next door neighbor- who is usually very friendly- without meaning to be mean. He does not tell me he is upset, but he sure is. Two days later I see him in the yard and call out his name. He looks away and does not respond. He is angry at me for what I said but does not say so. A week later I see him again. I call out his name and make a comment. He again give me the cold shoulder because he is angry at the innocent comment that angered him the week before. I see him a third time and say hello again and he still gives me the cold shoulder. I approach him and ask if he is mad at me for something. He says. "no" but his body language and tone says differently. That is passive aggressive behavior. Why can't he be honest with me about his disapproval of what he said and discuss it like adults?
Try looking at it from his point of view. If your neighbor offended you, you could go up and tell him. But what if that just makes things worse? You're neighbors. It's not like you'll never run into each other again. Maybe this guy is just hoping you'll get the hint and either apologize or leave him alone.
Well you had to have known you said something hurtful (as you write it in your first sentence). I would just apologize and explain that you didn't mean to hurt his feelings-I don't understand why people can't communicate- trust me, if I **** someone off tell me! I can't stand passive aggressive-because I respect people enough to comunicate with them.
Look, if you've wronged me, you'd be lucky to not have me knock your head off your shoulders. I don't think you should press it.
Really? What are you 10? I would say something to the neighbor-is he being overly sensitive-yes BUT you have to live next to him-it doesn't have to be long just say "hey if I said something to offend you, it wasn't my intention." After that...who cares?
I think there is a time when you should be bold and speak out what you think about the person or the situation. There are times when it's best to hold it off until it's time. I think it's difficult, at least IMO, for those who are very opinionated and outspoken to keep things to themselves when they want the other person/people to know how they feel. Is my word going to bring them up or bring them down? I think that's important even when it's an disagreement.
I think it's to remember that some have thin skin. I have thin skin myself so I would understand those who have thin skin as well.
Even if it wasn't intentional? You still won't give them a chance to apologize?
Why should I? For one thing, I've already responded to it, and for another, the apology is unlikely to be sincere.
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