Very confused… don’t know whether I should feel angry or guilty. (advice, definition)
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Because even though I feel like I have never been treated worse in a relationship, I also feel like I have never been treated better. 90% of the time things are amazing between us (yes, believe it or not) and I don’t know if I want to give that up for the 10% where things are bad.
Because I am confused as all hell. Whenever I tell people of the good things he does for me, they tell me how rare and wonderful a man like that is.
Because it means starting all over again after 9 years.
Because it means losing a friendship that was there before the relationship, one that means a lot to me (yes it would be gone, there is no way he’d remain friends with me, yes I know that for sure).
Because it means dealing with all this behaviour of his, TEN FOLD.
Because I am petrified..
Often abusers will do very nice things for their mate. And if he would end a friendship with you because you don't think things would work as a couple then he isn't someone you need to be around in the first place. Never make decisions based around the fact you might lose friends over it, because if they leave then they weren't really friends to begin with. Only you can make this choice of course....you can try to see if he will go to therapy of course but baring that you need to decide what you want. And honey i also think you need to seek therapy,becasue you need to stop making excuses for why the abuse is okay or why you have to stay with someone who does it. Also don't you belive in marriage might i ask?
It may been fine to go out for a couple drinks and then come home, but to go out and get completely plastered and then hung over the next day is called getting an inch and taking a mile. I think when he said go, you would have used more discretion with your alcohol intake and be home at a decent hour. I'll just say for the most part - the communication between the both of you regarding this really sucked.
Because even though I feel like I have never been treated worse in a relationship, I also feel like I have never been treated better. 90% of the time things are amazing between us (yes, believe it or not) and I don’t know if I want to give that up for the 10% where things are bad.
Because I am confused as all hell. Whenever I tell people of the good things he does for me, they tell me how rare and wonderful a man like that is.
Because it means starting all over again after 9 years.
Because it means losing a friendship that was there before the relationship, one that means a lot to me (yes it would be gone, there is no way he’d remain friends with me, yes I know that for sure).
Because it means dealing with all this behaviour of his, TEN FOLD.
Because I am petrified..
The definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
You cannot help him - you can only help yourself.
I told you a few days ago why you stay - his behavior is "familiar" and therefore "comfortable" for you, no matter how much you protest that's not true.
Make an appt with a therapist and start dealing with your issues. Get off the computer and pick up the phone - today.
Because I keep hoping things will change. After 9 years? They won't.
Because even though I feel like I have never been treated worse in a relationship, I also feel like I have never been treated better. 90% of the time things are amazing between us (yes, believe it or not) and I don’t know if I want to give that up for the 10% where things are bad. "He only beats me once a week, so I live for the other 6 days." Does that sound reasonable to you?
Because I am confused as all hell. Whenever I tell people of the good things he does for me, they tell me how rare and wonderful a man like that is. Of course, since you haven't told them the bad things he does to you. Trust me, men who are disrespectful and mean, even if it's only some of the time, are not rare or wonderful.
Because it means starting all over again after 9 years. So what? Will you die from starting over?
Because it means losing a friendship that was there before the relationship, one that means a lot to me (yes it would be gone, there is no way he’d remain friends with me, yes I know that for sure). With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Because it means dealing with all this behaviour of his, TEN FOLD. That makes no sense. Leave him and be done. If he bothers you, take out a restraining order.
Because I am petrified. Because he makes you that way. On purpose. Get help from family or friends to make the move and to lean on when you need to. Then get into counseling so you can learn how to respect yourself and choose better people to have in your life.
The definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
You cannot help him - you can only help yourself.
I told you a few days ago why you stay - his behavior is "familiar" and therefore "comfortable" for you, no matter how much you protest that's not true.
Make an appt with a therapist and start dealing with your issues. Get off the computer and pick up the phone - today.
I didn't want to dwell on it.
But which therapist can fund VG's exit from a situation which pays for her everything?
We're talking self-sufficiency, the economic conditions, and more importantly sustainability of being alone after 9 years of dependence.
And the expenses coming off therapists.
Do you even try to gauge anyone's ground reality before advocating therapy to all and sundry?
That is why I asked if you have any idea of other people's reality
This is what a therapist gives ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> empty words. It feels like ice cream at that point. That is all it does. Ice cream does not come for free.
But which therapist can fund VG's exit from a situation which pays for her everything?
We're talking self-sufficiency, the economic conditions, and more importantly sustainability of being alone after 9 years of dependence.
And the expenses coming off therapists.
Do you even try to gauge anyone's ground reality before advocating therapy to all and sundry?
That is why I asked if you have any idea of other people's reality
This is what a therapist gives ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> empty words. It feels like ice cream at that point. That is all it does. Ice cream does not come for free.
If she has no insurance coverage she can call the United Way in her city and find a therapist who will see her on a sliding fee scale based on her ability to pay.
If she is completely and totally financially dependent on this man than shame on her and tough nuts. But she'll never be emotionally healthy until she stands up on her own and walks away from this sick relationship.
Of course, she has to WANT to be emotionally healthy first, which I'm doubting she really wants. The drama is too comfortable and familiar. "Normalcy" is the great unknown she fears
If she has no insurance coverage she can call the United Way in her city and find a therapist who will see her on a sliding fee scale based on her ability to pay.
If she is completely and totally financially dependent on this man than shame on her and tough nuts. But she'll never be emotionally healthy until she stands up on her own and walks away from this sick relationship.
Of course, she has to WANT to be emotionally healthy first, which I'm doubting she really wants. The drama is too comfortable and familiar. "Normalcy" is the great unknown she fears
I once remember her post where she said she is unable to move out on her own.
Her helplessness is what is being exploited by the gentleman she lives with.
She won't move out. She's been made powerless both by herself and the guy.
I'm sure she has family or friends who would be willing to let her crash with them until she found a job and/or a place of her own. And if not, there are other resources out there.
Because even though I feel like I have never been treated worse in a relationship, I also feel like I have never been treated better. 90% of the time things are amazing between us (yes, believe it or not) and I don’t know if I want to give that up for the 10% where things are bad.
Because I am confused as all hell. Whenever I tell people of the good things he does for me, they tell me how rare and wonderful a man like that is.
Because it means starting all over again after 9 years.
Because it means losing a friendship that was there before the relationship, one that means a lot to me (yes it would be gone, there is no way he’d remain friends with me, yes I know that for sure).
Because it means dealing with all this behaviour of his, TEN FOLD.
Because I am petrified..
I'm sorry.
I think you know that none of that is a good reason to stay in a relationship like yours. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be.
I don't think you're happy - I think your comfortable and scared.
I'm not telling you what to post. But to me, your posts shouldn't be about your BF, they should be about you.
No why he does the things he does, etc. But why this life is acceptable to you.
There's no excuse for a man to treat his woman like garbage unless she's about to cut his man parts off with a butcher knife.
On the contrary, I would think that would be the opportune time to start being as nice as he possibly could.
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