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Your sister sounds like she was more of a "brat" than having a real problem. When you have a real problem, be it emotional, mental, hormonal etc, you can't just stop the "bad behavior". Like I said earlier, it sounds like she needs help. Not only medication and therapy, but she might actually need help around the house and with the kids.
The OP didn't say his wife hits or abuses the kids, and I am not going to assume she does. I think it's terrible to jump straight to "divorce her" or "threaten to divorce her". Seeing how many people constantly call for divorce on this board shows me why the divorce rate is so high.
You don't threaten the people in your family to make them "act right". You work with them and work through things.
This is disturbing to me too. What happened to "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health"?
This is disturbing to me too. What happened to "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health"?
The kids didn't take any such vows. They shouldn't have to live with a parent who has angry fits over the slightest little things. With kids little things happen ALL THE TIME. OP has no idea what is going on when he isn't home but I'd bet she's having melt downs other than the few times a week when he is home. He said he avoids her as much as possible now...but the kids don't have a way to do that. He doesn't want to be around her but he leaves the kids with her daily. That's not right.
IF she won't get help for her anger/depression then he can leave with the kids (or better yet, get her to leave so the kids stay in their home) while mommy gets better. It doesn't have to be a divorce. Mommy comes home again when she can keep HER end of the marriage vows to love, honor, cherish, etc.
The kids didn't take any such vows. They shouldn't have to live with a parent who has angry fits over the slightest little things. With kids little things happen ALL THE TIME. OP has no idea what is going on when he isn't home but I'd bet she's having melt downs other than the few times a week when he is home. He said he avoids her as much as possible now...but the kids don't have a way to do that. He doesn't want to be around her but he leaves the kids with her daily. That's not right.
IF she won't get help for her anger/depression then he can leave with the kids (or better yet, get her to leave so the kids stay in their home) while mommy gets better. It doesn't have to be a divorce. Mommy comes home again when she can keep HER end of the marriage vows to love, honor, cherish, etc.
a spouse should try to help solve the problem FIRST, not head straight for divorce. People should try to fix their problems not bail at the first sign of trouble.
I'm thinking divorce attorney and full custody, myself. Why would you want to be married to someone you avoid whenever possible and can't trust as a role model for your children?
I think that's kind of harsh. His wife obviously has some anger management issues. She should seek therapy or perhaps she is suffering from depression/anxiety and needs to be on meds. Please get your wife to see her Dr.
I think that's kind of harsh. His wife obviously has some anger management issues. She should seek therapy or perhaps she is suffering from depression/anxiety and needs to be on meds. Please get your wife to see her Dr.
Lisa, he's done that - she doesn't want to take medication (most mentally ill people don't) and he thinks just getting her out of the house working will "cure" her
When will people get that as parents our FIRST priority has to be to our young, vulnerable, impressionable children???
Your sister sounds like she was more of a "brat" than having a real problem. When you have a real problem, be it emotional, mental, hormonal etc, you can't just stop the "bad behavior". Like I said earlier, it sounds like she needs help. Not only medication and therapy, but she might actually need help around the house and with the kids.
My sister was a spoiled brat. But these 'issues' also run in the family. People with severe issues probably need more than strict boundaries. But there's no indication that the OP's problem is more severe than my sister's problem. I'm not saying that she doesn't need medication and therapy. I just took issue with the post that implied that the OP's wife might never be 100%. Treatment for depression and anxiety can be very effective, even for people who have struggled with it their entire lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kel6604
The OP didn't say his wife hits or abuses the kids, and I am not going to assume she does. I think it's terrible to jump straight to "divorce her" or "threaten to divorce her". Seeing how many people constantly call for divorce on this board shows me why the divorce rate is so high.
I don't think she's abusing the children. I do think a strong boundaries could propel her to better herself. I'm not pro-divorce. (I'm married for 18 years now!). I am pro-boundaries. Part of establishing boundaries are making it clear that you won't tollerate something and you're willing to walk out the door if the other person doesn't at least try to make progress.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kel6604
You don't threaten the people in your family to make them "act right". You work with them and work through things.
You're right. You don't threaten. You mean it. You promise. It has no power if the other person doesn't believe you will follow through.
Anyone on here taken antidepressants? The doctor had recommended it but we decided to try other methods like exercise and other relaxation techniques first because of the risks. Obviously, they have not been consistently followed and has not worked.
sometimes the benefits outweigh the risks. I think this is one of those times!
Quote:
Originally Posted by northlakemetro
crazyworld: I agree with you but it is more difficult than that. She may get custody or she may fight for it. I am thinking of recommending that she go back to work because a lot of these issues did not surface when she was working. We may have to find a babysitter.
buy her a punching bag, really, and talk to her. as for the last advice, dont even go there.....this is your wife who you should help, and next time she throws a fit, try to record it, without her knowing of corse.maybe if you show her how she looks she might not want to be so ugly...i was raised in a functional disfunctional family as well and i cannot stand that type of anger.my firstborn thought this was how to express his anger as well, so i bought that punching bag from big 5 for him to beat on. i hung it right outside our back door...i recorded him freaking out once, not visiual, just voices on my cell phone, and let him hear it a couple days later,who wants to be ugly?.....and after a couple of raw knuckles,i think he got it......
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That's not right. 
