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Old 09-16-2010, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,410 posts, read 18,569,130 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
These things are often bad from the start, but the guys don't see it.

I hate to say it, but this is the truth as I've seen it many times. A lot of white American men honestly believe they are intellectually superior to Asian women (ditto Russian women etc etc) so they go looking for one with their heads in the clouds. Often they hook up with a woman who is waaaay smarter than they think - come on, it's the smartest ones who figure out how to get the F out of there to make their way to the US! - and that smart woman becomes a wife who comes out on top as in our opening post. She has the money, she withholds the sex, and the OP is screwed.

(Let's not have any bitter white dudes yelling at me over pointing out the truth... I'm not a white woman and I'm not an asian male so I don't have a dog in this fight. I'm just calling what I see!)
You're spot on, word for word. I've seen lot's of guys come home from overseas with an Asian wife who they thought was going to be their little subservient sex goddess. They couldn't see the forest for the trees, that these women were spoiling them silly just to score the big prize. And yes, many of these guys thought that just because these women didn't speak the king's English, that they weren't smart. These women may not have been formally educated or book smart, but they made up for it in street and survival smarts. They know how to be charming and seductive, and it's usually the nerdy white dudes who can't get any action in the states who end up with these cunning women who eventually clean them out and then find some stud on the side to take care of business in the bedroom. Sad, but true.

 
Old 09-16-2010, 07:17 PM
 
14,790 posts, read 14,725,606 times
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how old is she?
how long has she been in the states?

.... at least you're sleeping in the same bed....
 
Old 09-16-2010, 07:31 PM
 
6 posts, read 14,975 times
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I can totally relate, I am in a somewhat similar situation. you should read my thread on It's not you, It's me
 
Old 09-16-2010, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,668 posts, read 35,077,519 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
I have a friend who is married to a Japanese woman, situation sounds exactly like yours. In my friend's case, I believe he decided to get himself an Asian wife because of the usual "they are better than American women" thing, you know, nice, pretty, thin, "knows how to treat a man," sweet personality etc. He didn't consider the fact that she is an intelligent woman in her own right, and turned the marriage into exactly what she wanted once she they said "I do": no sex, and berating him into submission. He is miserable, makes $180k per year, yet is always broke because she takes it all. And he knows he can't get a divorce either, as she will send him to the poor house. So now he just bangs prostitutes any chance he can get, while fantasizing about someday retiring without her.
After spending lots of time in Japan, where I was somewhat of a (very)low-level celebrity, I decided that I would NEVER marry a Japanese woman.
 
Old 09-16-2010, 09:56 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,369 posts, read 13,227,029 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
You're spot on, word for word. I've seen lot's of guys come home from overseas with an Asian wife who they thought was going to be their little subservient sex goddess. They couldn't see the forest for the trees, that these women were spoiling them silly just to score the big prize. And yes, many of these guys thought that just because these women didn't speak the king's English, that they weren't smart. These women may not have been formally educated or book smart, but they made up for it in street and survival smarts. They know how to be charming and seductive, and it's usually the nerdy white dudes who can't get any action in the states who end up with these cunning women who eventually clean them out and then find some stud on the side to take care of business in the bedroom. Sad, but true.
Street smarts always trump book smarts when it comes to real-world psychology and how to achieve your personal goals.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
After spending lots of time in Japan, where I was somewhat of a (very)low-level celebrity, I decided that I would NEVER marry a Japanese woman.
Nothing wrong with Japanese women. Japanese women who chase westerners, that's a different category. If you were a minor celebrity, I'd image you had the hos trying to get to you. Don't disparage an entire group of people over it.
 
Old 09-16-2010, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,668 posts, read 35,077,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Street smarts always trump book smarts when it comes to real-world psychology and how to achieve your personal goals.



Nothing wrong with Japanese women. Japanese women who chase westerners, that's a different category. If you were a minor celebrity, I'd image you had the hos trying to get to you. Don't disparage an entire group of people over it.

Yes, the hos were out there, chasing the gaijin athletes, and yeah, some of them were quite off-putting. I didn't get much of that attention directed at me, but I encountered and saw a bit of it because of who I was and who I hung with.

Didn't mean to dis Japanese women in general at all, and I wish I wouldn't have put it that way. Just that while I found a few of the ladies there attractive (not as much physically as intellectually), and I befriended quite a few, I found that we just didn't click on a deeper level. That's all.
 
Old 09-17-2010, 05:32 AM
 
13,773 posts, read 34,893,074 times
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Sit down and write a list of the good and bad about your marriage. Staying to together for the kids isn't good for your kids. If you think they don't know something is wrong you are mistaken.
 
Old 09-17-2010, 06:00 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,365,244 times
Reputation: 1293
[quote=Becmead;15910069]I lived in Japan for years. Studied the language and culture while in Japan. Met a Japanese lady a few years ago. Things were great while dating...didn't start with a plan to get into a serious relationship and actually thought it would become more platonic than anything else. She did all the right things to keep my attention and I did the same...driving her any place she wanted, treating her friends and her to dinners, buying things for her to show I cared...all those things normal guys do to show a lady he respects, appreciates and likes her. quote]


This is probably what your then Japanese girlfriend and her friends said:

"Oh! You got a Gaijin boyfriend? You're so lucky! You know those American men have MONEY right?" and probably told her to wear this certain dress to keep your attention. I don't know, since Eastern women are "more feminine than US women" from what I've read in this forum many months ago.

Dumb mistake #1: The main thing I can think of is treating her and her friends to dinner. Red flag. It meant that her friends convinced her have you treat you to a free meal or she wanted to show off to them how "rich" her American boyfriend is. If a guy had to impress a girl by inviting her and her friends to dinner and then picking up the tab, that's desperation.

Well, at least your thread bunked the whole "Asian women stereotype."

Sooo, why did you live in Japan? Wanted that "Asian Doll" because you couldn't get any play in the States? Just wondering.
 
Old 09-20-2010, 05:54 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,947,015 times
Reputation: 2398
hey I feel some of you are being very unfair to the OP. You all are assuming way too much. You ASSUME that he thought she was dumb, subservient, etc. You all don't know that. From what I read, it seems as though he geniunely cares about his wife and wants to make it work at all costs. I think that's sweet. From what he wrote it seems as though SHE'S the one who played him, though maybe there are some cultural barriers going on that's making communication impossible.

OP, if I were you, I would seek a marriage therapist who is Japanese or is familiar with the norms of Japanese society. If you find such a counselor and your wife refuses to go, you have your answer right there.
 
Old 09-20-2010, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,410 posts, read 18,569,130 times
Reputation: 18511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
hey I feel some of you are being very unfair to the OP. You all are assuming way too much. You ASSUME that he thought she was dumb, subservient, etc. You all don't know that. From what I read, it seems as though he geniunely cares about his wife and wants to make it work at all costs. I think that's sweet. From what he wrote it seems as though SHE'S the one who played him, though maybe there are some cultural barriers going on that's making communication impossible.

OP, if I were you, I would seek a marriage therapist who is Japanese or is familiar with the norms of Japanese society. If you find such a counselor and your wife refuses to go, you have your answer right there.
If you go back and read what some of us wrote, we didn't accuse the OP of all these things but we've observed it time and again. A very common pattern. Speaking for myself I did say that he built his relationship on materialistic values and predictably money has now become a hot issue between them. If you're going to buy your way into someone's heart, you better have deep pockets.
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