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Old 01-22-2011, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Russia-USA
39 posts, read 82,043 times
Reputation: 60

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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post

Two full people are required for a relationship, otherwise it is just a person with a sidekick or an assistant.
Many people see things either black or white: so for them it's either like you live like friends who have sexual relationship at the same time or a dominant abusive guy and a submissive wife with no rights at all.
There are shadows and other colors, you know and people can be happy clinging to different groups, not the 2 mentioned above, you know
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Old 01-22-2011, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Russia-USA
39 posts, read 82,043 times
Reputation: 60
By the way, I am not a Buddhist, but there's a Buddhist saying I like:

All happiness comes from the desire for others to be happy.
All misery comes from the desire for oneself to be happy
.

by Shantideva
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:36 PM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,967,481 times
Reputation: 1562
I've given up my career so I can be available to my fiance because with his career it's so demanding that me having a career would simply keep us separated more. I was a little nervous about it at first because I got use to providing for myself and having my own financial security however when I was working, my personal relationships suffered because I never could balance the 2. Being married is very important to me and I wouldn't choose my career over partnership and that made me secure in my decision.

We pretty much have the same hobbies, however I did reevaluate some of my friendships. I cut off my guy friends out of respect for my fiance and he deleted his Facebook which is what he used to communicate with his female associates out of respect for me. There are going to be sacrifices but as someone else stated the sacfices shouldn't be one sided and that's usually when problems come into play. You should never feel like you don't have a identify and voice in the relationship and I don't know any real men who would really want that from their wife. Like someone stated there's a difference between being a doormat and maintain a strong personality. I might not be bringing in any money but my fiance knows I have just much of a say in decisions that he makes as he does because we are a team and neither of us think of ourselves as being more important than the other regardless of our roles in the relationship.
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Old 01-23-2011, 06:38 PM
 
3,769 posts, read 8,779,044 times
Reputation: 3773
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
I've given up my career so I can be available to my fiance because with his career it's so demanding that me having a career would simply keep us separated more. I was a little nervous about it at first because I got use to providing for myself and having my own financial security however when I was working, my personal relationships suffered because I never could balance the 2. Being married is very important to me and I wouldn't choose my career over partnership and that made me secure in my decision.

We pretty much have the same hobbies, however I did reevaluate some of my friendships. I cut off my guy friends out of respect for my fiance and he deleted his Facebook which is what he used to communicate with his female associates out of respect for me. There are going to be sacrifices but as someone else stated the sacfices shouldn't be one sided and that's usually when problems come into play. You should never feel like you don't have a identify and voice in the relationship and I don't know any real men who would really want that from their wife. Like someone stated there's a difference between being a doormat and maintain a strong personality. I might not be bringing in any money but my fiance knows I have just much of a say in decisions that he makes as he does because we are a team and neither of us think of ourselves as being more important than the other regardless of our roles in the relationship.
So you have abandoned your career for a fiance. Hmmm. You are not even married? Hmmm. It is very hard to imagine any career that is so demanding that you must give it up to continue in a relationship - if you love each other and are committed to the full person. While I understand leaving a job, a city and many other things - to sacrifice a career and other things for someone else - absent an ill spouse, child or parent - would be a mistake IMO.
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Old 01-23-2011, 08:31 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,465,492 times
Reputation: 3482
Are you clingy and needy on your husband? If you realize that he is resenting your actions then you need to back off and find hobbies or other things to do without him. It's good to be one with your man but it's also good to have your own life.

Both of you need to sit down and talk and finding a good space that you can each have so you won't smother each other.

Hope you change so that you don't lose yourself.
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:28 AM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 5,084,118 times
Reputation: 3345
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dependent2 View Post
When I got married I was so in love that I forgot about my friends, didn't worry about keeping my job, my financial future/retirement, I gave up my hobbies for his (even though he didn't ask me to) and I basically became one with him.

I know I'm not the only woman who has done this. I would love to talk with other women who are in the same situation. They have given everything up, to be available to her man, even though he hasn't asked or demanded her to do so. I'm not talking about abuse, I'm talking about your choice to give things up to be with this man.

Why do we do it? Are we depressed? Do we have such low self esteem that we have to cling to someone else's life?

My husband likes that I've given up my life to be with him, but at other times it's obvious that he also resents it. I'd like some feedback on this issue.

Then do something about it..complaining isnt helping..
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:43 AM
 
1,041 posts, read 1,523,256 times
Reputation: 768
Women who give up their lives like the OP did should realize that marriage is not a guarantee of anything.

I hope your relationship lasts.
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Old 01-24-2011, 06:47 PM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,967,481 times
Reputation: 1562
Quote:
Originally Posted by StilltheSame View Post
So you have abandoned your career for a fiance. Hmmm. You are not even married? Hmmm. It is very hard to imagine any career that is so demanding that you must give it up to continue in a relationship - if you love each other and are committed to the full person. While I understand leaving a job, a city and many other things - to sacrifice a career and other things for someone else - absent an ill spouse, child or parent - would be a mistake IMO.
What are the HMMMMs for? My choices/decisons I make in MY relationship are MINE so I don't seek nor do I need the approval of others in regards to MY decisions. There's nothing for you to HMMMM/think about because its not you it's me. I never said I HAD to give up my career, however I CHOSE to do so because it would make things easier for US. It has nothing to do with either of us being fully committed to each other but everything to do with circumstances and adjustments that take place in any partnership. That is YOUR opinion that a woman giving up her career outside a ill spouse, child, or parent is a mistake but its defiantly not a fact.
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:09 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,151,745 times
Reputation: 13485
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
What are the HMMMMs for? My choices/decisons I make in MY relationship are MINE so I don't seek nor do I need the approval of others in regards to MY decisions. There's nothing for you to HMMMM/think about because its not you it's me. I never said I HAD to give up my career, however I CHOSE to do so because it would make things easier for US. It has nothing to do with either of us being fully committed to each other but everything to do with circumstances and adjustments that take place in any partnership. That is YOUR opinion that a woman giving up her career outside a ill spouse, child, or parent is a mistake but its defiantly not a fact.
Aren't you in your mid-twenties? What career?
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:19 PM
 
3,769 posts, read 8,779,044 times
Reputation: 3773
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
What are the HMMMMs for? My choices/decisons I make in MY relationship are MINE so I don't seek nor do I need the approval of others in regards to MY decisions. There's nothing for you to HMMMM/think about because its not you it's me. I never said I HAD to give up my career, however I CHOSE to do so because it would make things easier for US. It has nothing to do with either of us being fully committed to each other but everything to do with circumstances and adjustments that take place in any partnership. That is YOUR opinion that a woman giving up her career outside a ill spouse, child, or parent is a mistake but its defiantly not a fact.
A bit defensive? Hmmmm.
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