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Originally Posted by John1960
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Yo, I had some fun with this on my "Dating a Married Man Thread" so I thought I could use it here too....this is aimed squarely at the gal that falls under this category and all her jealous friends...enjoy...
Now, for the lighter side....
Not sure if it was chow hound or whomever that was advising you to run like your life depended on it or not but, men in the audience, help me with this one...
Dave Chappelle could do an entire stand up routine on this one like he did for that Monica Lewinski skit. Don't listen to all those gals....they're just jealous....
While you are out swinging from the rafters sharing your wildest oratory moments with Mr. Fill-in-the-blank, these hard-assed, over the hill, can't be a credit-card-eatin'-bimbo anymore in the audience are just mad.....
Same group that fight us at the monthly DDAMM (Drunk Drivers Against Mad Mothers) meetings. They just don't "understand us"...
And while he's getting his knob polished, what are YOU doing, working the emory board? I think not. Scorned women are famous for this. The last time I checked, when they have sex they usually like to have orgasms too. We try to make it a "mutually beneficial situation" but, you just can't please everyone......
Hey, it usually takes two to tango up UNTIL you are married then, it's a somewhat imaginatory episode of; I'm mentally tagging your best friend and you don't even know it!".....strange...AND yet...true?
You probably haven't been this flexible in years....you have muscles of the Kiegel variety you never knew existed....hey, it ain't ALL bad.....wanna have some real fun? Call your divorced angry friends on Monday in that all too Catty way women do and ask them what THEY did over the weekend...we both know they aren't ALL Cougars.....now are they? It's okay, you can fess up now....
As we ALL know it's really the set up to tell them what YOU did all weekend and you can bet it involves something they ALL wish they were doing! Truly, a Southern Belle's tradition.....it's that or Brunch on Sunday and drop the proverbial enuendo(s)? Predictable but, effective...venue is probably key....
Don't listen to them....you have sexual stories they haven't heard since they "experimented" in College...trust me on this one, he's having similar stories about you with his friends. The difference? His friends will dismiss it in 5 minutes...
Yours? They will wear this out like a vibrator on a annivesary in Maui. HANG ON!!!
The more detail you can give em', the better. While it's true, people thrive on other people's misfortunes it's equally true they absolutely run from other people's wins and successes.
Don't believe me? Tell em' you got caught and they will be over with a fresh pot of roast faster than you can say; "Starbucks delivers".....
On the OTHER hand, tell them that you won the lottery and you and your newly divorced man are going away to Hawaii for a month of rest and horizontal relaxation and you won't so much as get a text message from them until next Summer......Aloha!
They are living unhappily vicariously through you!!! Afterall, misery luuuuuuvvvvvv's company, doesn't it?
Just the way it is....
Drop this bomb over brunch and watch that laser trimmed, eyebrow tweezed, botox paralyzed mug of theirs crease ever so slightly.....
So, don those heels baby, cinch that waist up, unbutton that extra button up front, get him the 4 pack of 50mg Viagra and "get busy". That way, you can torture the girls at work you never really cared for, see restaurants you haven't seen in a long long time and find yourself on the weekends relaxed and refreshed....
You go girl...