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I think counseling is in order for her to have a successful marriage and family whether it with this guy or another. She desires to be married to a man and have a family one day.
Now that you've given some more details about her, AND if she truly wishes to be married (for the right reasons), I would tend to agree that some professional help might be in order. This isn't just a case of normal curiosity or temporary lust - this is probably the legacy her upbringing has left her.
And, hopefully, she'll get a smart-enough counselor/therapist to treat the root causes, not just the symptoms.
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Is it cheating when a women has a relationship with a women while she is dating a man???
That would be a good new thread.
I would say it depends upon the definitions of all parties involved. I've known "open relationship" couples that do quite well with this; others, not so hot. It takes a large amount of self-confidence on everyone's part to pull that off.
After reading some of the OP's other posts it seems she spends ALOT of time worrying about her friends sex lives. Which usually means she doesnt have much of one herself. If any.
No, I know someone like this and she wants to be with her man but doesn't want to do the above mentioned with him and she really likes porn which is a bit odd...I don't know of many women that like porn and strip clubs so I wanted to get some insight from the cd men.
Her guy feels bad because he can tell she doesn't enjoy him when they are intimate. She said she thinks about women when she is with him and I don't think he liked hearing that....
Sounds like your friend needs to come out of the closet.
1. Who watches lesbian porn is not straight.
2. Enjoys watching women at strip clubs is not straight.
3. Likes womens' bodies more than male bodies is not straight.
4. Overly admires other women is not straight.
5. Checks out women like a guy would is not straight.
The lady described in this thread is either bisexual or a closet lesbian. Case closed.
Oh puleeeeze.....what is he, like 12?
If he wants to get things straightened out, he'll go......its not gonna end well, otherwise.
At ease there, Sparky, before you hurt yourself and spend your life having the wrong idea about men.
Something I'd say the majority of women tend to ignore while rueing and lamenting their own social pressures and sensitivities is the social pressure with which men cope. It's entirely too easy to dismiss something out of hand if YOU aren't sensitive to it.
If women are insecure about sex "then someone must have hurt them, and they need time to adjust"; if men are insecure about ANYTHING sexually, then "they just need to grow the hell up". *disgusted huff*
It's just WAY too easy to traipse down the path of thinking If I don't have this problem, then no one should and they're just not being realistic.
I'm not saying Johnny-Boy shouldn't go to the therapist, although I think what they'll discover is that Jenny-Girl is gay and doesn't want to admit it, has merely accustomed herself to oral sex and accepts it; I'm saying the eye-rolling there is wrongfully dismissive and you might want to take a kinder stance in your future dealings with men if you ever want any of your own relationships to at least resemble a two-way street.
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posted by PaganMama:
Who cares if she is pretty and kind.....doesn't he have a set on him for god's sakes?
Exactly the kind of thing I see all too often from women. No questioning of why he might be that way, just dismissal; he's doing it WRONG. No suggestions, just disgust and denegration for not meeting HER needs and requests. Never mind that the OP says he loves her dearly and is good to her.
I agree with alot of what you have stated. I grew up with her and know her family and history and I think that has to be a large part of it. She was raised by parents who very religious in Christianity and she was forbidden to do alot growing up. She was very sheltered and he knows that so that is another reason I think he sticks it out with her. She wasw the one that was thought of in her family as not every doing wrong. The saint if you will....She resented that but didn't know how to get out of that stigma in her family. That followed her in college to a degree.
Even prior to him she didn't like sex. She is in her early 31 and didn't have sex until 28. I know for a fact she has had emotional connections to women and they have fallen for her and then she splits.
Deep down I feel she has that freaky side and would like to be with a woman sexually but too scared based on core beliefs from her family. I don't think she would march in gay pride parade but I think she is able to alleve her curiousity with the porn and with the strip clubs. I remember one night he told me she was drinking and they both went to a strip club together and this Britanny look alike stripper fell for her. The girl gave my friend her number right in front of her boyfriend. And the stripper gave her several dances for free along with her guy. At that point the boyfriend got upset about the phone number exchange and drove her home. She revealed to me she called the girl but the stripper was in a crazy situation and she didn't want any part of it.
I think counseling is in order for her to have a successful marriage and family whether it with this guy or another. She desires to be married to a man and have a family one day.
Is it cheating when a women has a relationship with a women while she is dating a man???
I think your friend is trying to figure out what she wants. I suspect at least once in college she probably had -- or nearly had -- a sexual relationship with a woman, and probably some strong emotional ties. These have stuck with her and that, combined with the idea (at least as I've heard it expressed by a lot of women) that many women find other women more aesthetically pleasing even if they're not sexually drawn to them, would add up to a lot.
I believe there are two kinds of homosexuals: Those who are born and those who are made. I think those who are born are just exactly that -- simply born a certain way, and that's all there is to it no matter how they may try to live before finally accepting.
And those who are made, who form bonds for various reasons such as early repression and later opportunities for self-expression. These things can be amazingly powerful, so that a girl who was coping with a family-induced straight-and-narrow but wanting sexual relief on some level just might (admitted speculation here) discover herself kissing another girl late one night in the privacy of a dorm room just as easily as kissing another guy. If it was pleasant and catered to desires, she could find herself attracted -- if not JUST to women then at least to a female figure who now represented an awakening of sorts.
Between that hypothetical scenario and continued expectation for such a girl to conduct herself a certain way I could see potential for a lot of confusion and frustration. Ideas which remain unexplored have a way of building up in our minds over time, a way of taking over our thinking.
I wouldn't call it a freaky side; I'd call it unexplored territory and intimacy issues, with herself and with others of both genders.
[The OP's friend's bi-curiosity] does, however, raise some questions about the feasibility of their committing successfully to a long-term relationship at this point. When they've worked this out...IF they work it out...then they might consider LTRs, but until that time I would think that they might just enjoy what they enjoy and to hell with what the peanut gallery thinks.
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Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
I'm not saying Johnny-Boy shouldn't go to the therapist, although I think what they'll discover is that Jenny-Girl is gay and doesn't want to admit it, has merely accustomed herself to oral sex and accepts it.
I'm not big on pushing counseling on people, particularly people who are only dating, because it shouldn't be this much work. But if the two of them want a future together, therapy might be a good idea, not just for her (for obvious reasons) but for him to examine why he is content with someone who desires him so little. From the OP's description, it sounds like this not a case of "I want you but I can't"; this sounds like "I want to want you despite how I really feel."
I'm not big on pushing counseling on people, particularly people who are only dating, because it shouldn't be this much work. But if the two of them want a future together, therapy might be a good idea, not just for her (for obvious reasons) but for him to examine why he is content with someone who desires him so little. From the OP's description, it sounds like this not a case of "I want you but I can't"; this sounds like "I want to want you despite how I really feel."
I personally don't think the guy in this situation needs counseling, but I do think he needs to know the truth from his SO and where he stands. The problem is that the OP's friend is so obviously conflicted, she may not know what that truth is yet herself.
I think she needs to figure that out and only then the guy can decide if more guidance or assistance is needed.
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