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Old 09-23-2010, 09:37 AM
 
Location: NY metro area
7,787 posts, read 15,107,298 times
Reputation: 10760

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Bear with me...I'm hoping I can pose this question clearly.

For those of your who are married or are in long-term/live-in relationships, when it comes to your married/couple neighbors, do you make it a point to befriend or speak with both of them?

Do you find that you tend to speak with the same sex? Example, if you're a male, do you generally speak with the male of the other couples more so than their female partners?

Or does it not make a difference?



The reason why I ask is because I have one married male neighbor who makes it a point to approach me every time there's a neighborhood function (party at another neighbor's home, block party, etc.), but he never speaks with my husband. Nor does his wife approach me. (I'm cordial to her, but she has shown no interest in speaking with me.) I don't know if it's just circumstances or intentional, but he tends to come up to me when my husband is not next to me. (My husband is usually in conversation with the other husbands.) I see him at events maybe 1-2 times a year and each time he approaches me, he re-introduces himself. The most recent time was at our block party and when he re-introduced himself, I laughed and said "Hi Bob, yeah I know who you are." (Names are changed to protect the innocent. ) He smiled and continued to chat it up with me while my husband was busy talking shop with the other men. I tried to keep it brief as I was running the block party and tending to my 1 week old.

The following week I was alone in my truck and backing out of my driveway. I stopped at the end of the driveway because I saw a vehicle coming and wanted it to go by (the norm around these parts), but instead I was caught off guard when the car stopped and waved me to come out of the driveway. As I made my way I realized it was Bob with his window down asking me "how it was going?" My window was down, but I don't normally pull up in my car and chat with any of my neighbors (we just wave), so out of reflex, I just yelled back "Hey! How's it going!?!" and continued on my way. Could it be my acknowldgement of knowing who he is prompted this?

The first time we met was at an after party at a neighbor's home. My husband and some of the other husbands were involved in a game of bocce, so I was on the sideline watching them. Bob came up to me and spoke with me for a good portion of the night and I recall feeling awkward...thinking "where's his wife? Why is he chatting with me all night?" The only reason why I continued to talk with him was because I was fairly new to the crowd and didn't know any of the other women all that well.

I guess I'm just wondering if I'm reading into his behavior? I'll openly admit that I'm not good at reading signals and I'd hate to jump to any conclusions, but I've also found that by my assuming they wouldn't be interested in me and not jumping to conclusions has placed me in some really awkward situations.
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,636 posts, read 9,113,900 times
Reputation: 9535
At the next function, notice if he talks to other women, or just (or mainly) to you. He may just be overly friendly compared to other guys in the neighborhood, or he may be subtly hitting on you and hoping for a positive response.

At functions or when encountering neighbors, we'll talk to whoever is present, separately or together. Of course, we have no interest beyond being neighborly, and we have a great group of mutually helpful neighbors. One of the husbands does seem a little overly friendly to my wife, but he's harmless and she just keeps a little distance and coolness towards him.
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:47 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,081 posts, read 25,578,080 times
Reputation: 18077
Its strange he hasn't attempted to interact with the guys and fixates on you ,its odd, if he hasn't met your husband introduce him and walk away.
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
4,489 posts, read 10,035,859 times
Reputation: 3673
I know who my neighbors are, and I wave to them, but that's the extent of it. We don't do neighborhood get togethers or anything. I've never spoken more than a couple sentences to either the husband or the wife next door (and those two sentences were about how our dogs were fence-friends, lol!)

Sorry, that's probably no help. It amazes me when people say they have neighborhood functions. I've lived in many different houses/apartments/states, and never experienced it.
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:04 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 38,574,790 times
Reputation: 42631
My husband and I are generally chatty with neighbors of both sexes, but we gravitate toward our own sex. I mean, I don't avoid Jim, but I tend to talk more to Jane, or I'll ask how she is--precisely because I do not want to be misconstrued as hitting on anyone or allowing him to hit on me.

I think Bob is either hitting on you, or he is socially awkward and latches on to your friendliness. Even if he has perfectly good intentions, if he makes you uncomfortable or you think people will get the wrong idea, it's OK to politely put some distance between you. Your "Hi, bye!" in the truck is a good example. Friendly acknowledgement, followed by graceful exit. "It was nice to see you--I think Jeff needs me over at the BBQ" is another easy retreat. Or reintroducing spouses to a conversation: "How is Anne? I saw her planting some flowers on your side yard last weekend. Jeff says we should do something more with our back flower beds." It's just the verbal equivalent of flashing your wedding ring.

P.S. +5 for bocce.
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:05 AM
 
8,415 posts, read 36,902,309 times
Reputation: 6319
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheImportersWife View Post

The reason why I ask is because I have one married male neighbor who makes it a point to approach me every time there's a neighborhood function (party at another neighbor's home, block party, etc.), but he never speaks with my husband. Nor does his wife approach me. (I'm cordial to her, but she has shown no interest in speaking with me.) I don't know if it's just circumstances or intentional, but he tends to come up to me when my husband is not next to me. (My husband is usually in conversation with the other husbands.) I see him at events maybe 1-2 times a year and each time he approaches me, he re-introduces himself. The most recent time was at our block party and when he re-introduced himself, I laughed and said "Hi Bob, yeah I know who you are." (Names are changed to protect the innocent. ) He smiled and continued to chat it up with me while my husband was busy talking shop with the other men. I tried to keep it brief as I was running the block party and tending to my 1 week old.

The following week I was alone in my truck and backing out of my driveway. I stopped at the end of the driveway because I saw a vehicle coming and wanted it to go by (the norm around these parts), but instead I was caught off guard when the car stopped and waved me to come out of the driveway. As I made my way I realized it was Bob with his window down asking me "how it was going?" My window was down, but I don't normally pull up in my car and chat with any of my neighbors (we just wave), so out of reflex, I just yelled back "Hey! How's it going!?!" and continued on my way. Could it be my acknowldgement of knowing who he is prompted this?

The first time we met was at an after party at a neighbor's home. My husband and some of the other husbands were involved in a game of bocce, so I was on the sideline watching them. Bob came up to me and spoke with me for a good portion of the night and I recall feeling awkward...thinking "where's his wife? Why is he chatting with me all night?" The only reason why I continued to talk with him was because I was fairly new to the crowd and didn't know any of the other women all that well.

I guess I'm just wondering if I'm reading into his behavior? I'll openly admit that I'm not good at reading signals and I'd hate to jump to any conclusions, but I've also found that by my assuming they wouldn't be interested in me and not jumping to conclusions has placed me in some really awkward situations.

YouTube - Big Mama Thornton-I smell a rat


He won't be around when you are with your hubby because a man KNOWS, just like a female knows, when someone of the opposite sex has sugar in the eyes.
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:07 AM
 
271 posts, read 710,415 times
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When I lived in an apartment complex, there was a guy below us that would always talk to me if I was outside and sometimes say slightly flirty comments. He would talk to my husband too though. I think he was just bored and wanted to talk. There were a couple things he did that made me feel a little weird like when he knew my husband was gone hunting, he came upstairs and asked me to put on his neck tie. Why he couldn't ask his roommate to do it, who knows? And I had a feeling he would go outside for a smoke so he could run into me when I got back from the gym. Then he actually asked me about doing volunteer firefighting with him. I assume this was an attempt to get me closer to him so he could make a move or whatever. That's how I took it. And then he got back together with his ex-wife and he barely spoke to me again.

As far as your neighbor goes, I doubt you'll find yourself alone in a dark room with him so I wouldn't worry about him. He just seems friendly and he likes to talk to women.
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 13,608,829 times
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A couple of observations and I'll also play devils advocate a bit. First, I'm in a LTR with my b/f and we just purchased a home, been living together for 5+ years. When at any function, we always introduce each other OR ourselves (depending on the situation). On a personal note, I have NO problem with him talking to the opposite sex and it's mutual.

With that said, it's obvious this guys focuses on you, I'd be curious if he does this with other women in general? From my POV, I do find that I more easily talk to men, always have. My b/f is aware of this and isn't the least bit worried about it. Of the two of us, I'm the outgoing one and usually the life of the party.

With the OP's situation, even in MY case where we don't get jealous, I KNOW my b/f would notice this behavior and take issue with it. It might just be that this guy is comfortable with women, maybe HE's the outgoing on in their relationship too. Ya just never know.

How about his wife? Does she talk to others or she's pretty much a solitary lurker? I'd analyze it from all angles, mention something to your hubby so that next time this happens, he can come over and just be a presence (so to speak). I mean, it could be that some people just tend to "latch" on to one person and that's their safe place out amongst a group...

If it were me, it would make me a little uncomfortable. I would have already said something in a nice but easily understood way to "give it a rest". LOL
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:14 AM
 
3,735 posts, read 4,129,203 times
Reputation: 4268
That's kind of odd.

I'd ask my husband to come over whenever he sees me in conversation with this neighbor and see what happens. If he continues to talk to the both of you, it may not be such a big deal. However, if he finds an excuse to leave, I'd bet that he's interested in picking you up.

Most married couples tend to socialize as a couples, or with persons of the same sex spending more time with each other. To spend too much time with the opposite sex spouse invites suspicion. Like TaoistDude mentioned, next time see if he talks to other women or whether it's only you. That should clue you in. Also what's he talking to you about? Do you two have a lot in common? If so, that might be why he finds you so interesting?

It's also quite strange that his wife sees him talking to you so much and is not interested in meeting you herself.

First thing that came to mind when you describe this couple's behavior is that they may be into some kinky lifestyle.
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,384,447 times
Reputation: 40032
It could be totally innocent - you may just be so interesting and engaging that he truly enjoys talking to you

I do not ever feel like I can only talk to the wives in my neighborhood. In fact, I talk to the men just as much and as often.

However, I would tell you to follow your gut instincts on this.

If he is sending out vibes that make you uncomfortable in any way I'd pay attention to that and be a little less available when he comes around. He may be testing the waters because he's hoping for some kind of real relationship
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