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Now the question is why you are equally pursuing a destructive pathway. What is your addiction? Drugs? I have to believe that there is something that does not add up about your thinking on this. What is the rest of the story?
I See where you going with the question, a kind of "Whats would be in this for her", unless she has an addiction, possibly drugs as well.
Its obvious to me whats in this for her, she has avoidant anxiety and insecurity and a childhood of poverty, she can relate to these aspects in him, they're part of her own personality. The comfort hes earned makes her feel secure, but its all an illusion that could crumble any day.
Unlike other posters, I think she knows exactly why shes there,at the same time holds on to some hope he'll change but knows its temporary and will never lead to an LTR, but serves its purpose now.
I had this problem.
I thought about it.
For a while I would pretend in my mind that I would just accept things as they were.
And then I would switch my mental mode to pretending that I was leaving, come what may. At worst I could be living in a one room apartment with my 2 kids and paying for child care.
However...When I was pretending that I would leave I felt so much better, so Free....
And so it was that I did leave.
The Fates were kind however and I did well economicly.
So don't torture yourself.
You deserve the best you can do for yourself.
Pack and go!
Does anyone non-judgmental have an experience in this regard? Do you just discard people because they have addiction problems, or just assume that it's that easy for other peoplel?
I have not read this entire thread. I just felt the need to answer this OP's question.
I do have a history of living with an alcoholic. A very long history. Keeping this as short as possible, what I will tell you is this.
The person you have chosen is toxic. If you continue to choose to live in this relationship, you will end up, decades from now, wondering why you wasted your best years on it. You can't change anyone. They must do it on their own.
By your own admission, you have a psychological need to be around this person. What does that say about you?
Two years before I finally walked away, I read a book entitled, Getting Them Sober. It was a real eye opener. I bought the book, hoping I would find an answer as to how I could get this person to stop drinking. What I found in that book changed my life, forever. It wasn't about how to get them to stop drinking but rather how to either learn to accept things as they were or find the courage to leave. All the energy I wasted, trying to get this person to stop drinking could have better spent on making myself a "whole" person ... a person who was worthy of being loved and appreciated by someone who wanted a great life.
This person used to use all the psychological garbage on me. Told me that I drove this person to drink. Now, 20 years later, this person is still a drunk. You'd think that after I left, there would be no need to drink any longer. What a laugh. An alcoholic will find all sorts of excuses to blame someone else for their weakness.
The saddest part is that you will lose yourself if you continue to try and fix this person. From the bottom of my heart I tell you, "fix yourself." You must learn to value the person you are or can be. Trading your integrity and worth for material possessions or financial security will leave you with a void in your heart. And, as years pass, you will never get those years back. There are no do overs.
I remember something Ann Landers wrote to a reader who was questioning her marriage. She asked the reader, "Ask yourself this. Can you see yourself with this person in another 20 years?" I thought that was very profound.
I wish you all the best. Life has so much to offer. It would be sad if you find yourself living in this manner even ten years from now. The best investment you can make for the future is YOU. I know this must sound like I'm telling you to leave but I'm not. I can't do that. It is completely up to you to make a decision of such importance. All I'm saying is put the energy into yourself and the best will come of it.
This is probably written by a man. You know, I have a few financially successful males as friends (most of them better off), and they've stayed as friends. There are many things I like about him, he likes to work, he's very confident, he keeps a neat house, he's very physically attractive, keeps in very good shape, and is good in bed, he's in the right age bracket, he's not overly talkative (something I couldn't stand about my ex), he's very gentlemanly, and when he's sober he appears very considerate. To find all these things working in concert I think is very rare for me in my personal experience.
He's also an alcoholic and a steroid abuser whose personality is split. I am not just saying that you should get away from him because of this.......I suggest you end this relationship because your life could be in danger.
Regardless, this is insignificant compared to the amount of people who die from heart attacks that were smoking or a poor diet related.
Funny how you can ask for the stats and decide, absent that information, that it is "insignificant" relative to smokers. HUNH? We aren't talking about smokers or relative significance. The discussion is about the dangers of being in a relationship with an anabolic steroid (AS)abuser/user.
Unfortunately, because AS have such long term, irreversible (aka permanent) side-effects, few studies on humans have been conducted except for anecdotal. It is difficult at best to collect truly accurate figures because AS is illegal, unless prescribed for another serious health issue (such as severe, uncontrolled asthma) wherein the danger is more severe to NOT treat the other health issue. And then we are discussing PRESCRIBED AS use and not long-term, consistent abuse.
So here's some information for you, along with the link for some very interesting reading for anyone who believes that AS use/abuse is not a problem:
Steroid abuse has been associated with cardiovascular diseases (CVD), including heart attacks and strokes, even in athletes younger than 30. Steroids contribute to the development of CVD, partly by changing the levels of lipoproteins that carry cholesterol in the blood.
I See where you going with the question, a kind of "Whats would be in this for her", unless she has an addiction, possibly drugs as well.
Its obvious to me whats in this for her, she has avoidant anxiety and insecurity and a childhood of poverty, she can relate to these aspects in him, they're part of her own personality. The comfort hes earned makes her feel secure, but its all an illusion that could crumble any day.
Unlike other posters, I think she knows exactly why shes there,at the same time holds on to some hope he'll change but knows its temporary and will never lead to an LTR, but serves its purpose now.
Its partially whats in it for her and it is also reading between the lines of her other posts about her work and life style. Since she has not answered whether she is a recreational drug user (people love to gild the lily), it is hard to incorporate that into the picture. It would not shock me to find out that along with steroids and alcohol there is other things being used. If so, that could lead to her statement that she is no better than him in some ways.
I do not believe she has a avoidance personality though she may suffer from insecurity. She does like to have someone take care of her as evidenced by living with a previous boyfriend while dating the new guy. Now that the living arrangements on that are going away she needs a new place and a new provider.
I think she needs to stand on her own for a while. Live within the means of her employment and start preparing for a better job. Either that or marry a good guy and settle into domestic bliss .
It would not shock me to find out that along with steroids and alcohol there is other things being used. If so, that could lead to her statement that she is no better than him in some ways.
Theres Xanax in there as well. I don't get the feeling shes abusing any substance or that she wants to be taken care of, but likes the comforts she didn't have growing up, and when people don't feel good about themselves, they're drawn to dysfunction, she gets both in one man.
I'm taking her word that shes avoidant, it may have come from a health professional and could be on prescibed meds, who knows.
EDIT
I agree what shes doing is counter productive, I would have looked for a roommate, who I hadn't been involved with. She 'll never get the life she wants now minus the messy entanglements the way shes going about it.
Last edited by virgode; 09-28-2010 at 09:05 AM..
Reason: additonal message.
This is monumentally irresponsible and uninformed.
Unless you're an athlete, coach, or a doctor I don't want to hear what you have to say because you're the type of person who gets all your information from TV and chooses to believe it.
And I will reiterate myself, there are many variations of steroids (some more anabolic some more androgenic) and all of them are not harmful when taken in moderation; Oxandrolone is one of them.
Funny how you can ask for the stats and decide, absent that information, that it is "insignificant" relative to smokers. HUNH? We aren't talking about smokers or relative significance. The discussion is about the dangers of being in a relationship with an anabolic steroid (AS)abuser/user.
Unfortunately, because AS have such long term, irreversible (aka permanent) side-effects, few studies on humans have been conducted except for anecdotal. It is difficult at best to collect truly accurate figures because AS is illegal, unless prescribed for another serious health issue (such as severe, uncontrolled asthma) wherein the danger is more severe to NOT treat the other health issue. And then we are discussing PRESCRIBED AS use and not long-term, consistent abuse.
I'm sorry but I still don't understand what you're trying to tell me. NY Annie, do you play a sport? Are you a coach? Are you a doctor? Are you even in good physical shape??????
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie
So here's some information for you, along with the link for some very interesting reading for anyone who believes that AS use/abuse is not a problem:
Steroid abuse has been associated with cardiovascular diseases (CVD), including heart attacks and strokes, even in athletes younger than 30. Steroids contribute to the development of CVD, partly by changing the levels of lipoproteins that carry cholesterol in the blood.
I know about this. To avoid this, you need to chose the proper steroids, use it properly (i.e., moderation/cycle), and have a qualified medical doctor on retainer to keep track of your blood work. People who don't do this are asking for trouble.
Also, I'm not sticking up for this guy who is allegedly using steroids; he sounds like a complete train wreck.
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