U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-27-2010, 12:56 PM
 
3,261 posts, read 5,017,364 times
Reputation: 3977

Advertisements

Sorry to hear that ToxicLove. Some excellent advice and insight has been given already.

You can love the man and hate the alcoholic, but they are one and the same. If you aren't already, I think you need to find a local support group that can help you through this time. Most times the right decision, is the hardest one to make.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Broken Promise Land
301 posts, read 787,540 times
Reputation: 505
I just can't get over the past 5 years. The lies, the cheating, the crying all the time. I've been let down, taken for granted, laughed at, disrespected, pushed aside, ridiculed & my heart broken so bad I can hardly stop from crying some days. It's so hard to look the person in the face who swore undying "love" to you & see them in a new light & wonder if he ever meant any of it. Every time I see him stumble in the house drunk out of his mind, I picture him having sex with that girl in our bed. That's how drunk he was when he did that. He barely remembers it. As long as he drinks, there will always be other women and I will always be crying myself to sleep.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 83,811,880 times
Reputation: 22814
We can't tell you what to do, TL. Just don't assume a divorce will automatically make you happier and it'll solve all your problems. Some problems will go away; others will be added. It’s a trade-off and it’s hard to asses if the pluses will outweigh the minuses before you actually do it…
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,413 posts, read 19,309,406 times
Reputation: 18565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxiclove View Post
I just can't get over the past 5 years. The lies, the cheating, the crying all the time. I've been let down, taken for granted, laughed at, disrespected, pushed aside, ridiculed & my heart broken so bad I can hardly stop from crying some days. It's so hard to look the person in the face who swore undying "love" to you & see them in a new light & wonder if he ever meant any of it. Every time I see him stumble in the house drunk out of his mind, I picture him having sex with that girl in our bed. That's how drunk he was when he did that. He barely remembers it. As long as he drinks, there will always be other women and I will always be crying myself to sleep.
Read this over to yourself, and then pretend it was someone else who wrote it. What advice would you give them?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Broken Promise Land
301 posts, read 787,540 times
Reputation: 505
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
We can't tell you what to do, TL. Just don't assume a divorce will automatically make you happier and it'll solve all your problems. Some problems will go away; others will be added. It’s a trade-off and it’s hard to asses if the pluses will outweigh the minuses before you actually do it…
I know. I'm just trying to sort it all out right now. It's not black and white. If it was, it wouldn't be such a difficult decision to make.

Yesterday morning, I found two shot glasses sitting out. I asked him who came over last night. (I was at work that night). He said nobody. I asked him why two shot glasses? He said one was from the previous night. Yet, I did the dishes before left and the shot glass from the previous night was still in the dish machine. He got defensive and said to check the phone records, he spent almost two hours talking to his brother. He cannot explain the second shot glass. I asked him to stop lying to me. So, he started yelling at me (on the phone) and said that if I didn't trust him he would move out at the end of October and hung up on me. I feel given his past indiscretions, he has no right to be angry for me not trusting him. This isn't the first time he has threatened to leave. I told him the next time he did so, he better be prepared to pack his bags. If I can stand by him through all I have over the past 5 years, he should be able to be patient with me until I can trust him again.

It felt like a wake up call to me. When he came home, he ignored me and was laughing and joking with our oldest boy. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said sure. He gets defensive and rude when he is hurting. It's a defensive mechanism that he uses. He pretends like he doesn't care. When I said to him, that I felt it was over he said, "Good, then I don't have to listen to any of this anymore." and when I said that he would regret it someday, he laughed. I went to work and heard nothing from him all night. I came home and he had put 4 shot glasses out as a "joke".

This morning, he has been texting me asking what I want to do. He wants to talk about it now. He wants to work things out. This is the circle we go around in. The only reason he is even trying to talk to me is because before he left I hugged him. I couldn't help it. I love him and I cannot stand not touching him.

I cannot keep going on like this. I am a mess.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 83,811,880 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxiclove View Post
he would move out at the end of October
That's interesting... I wonder why he was so specific. Perhaps he does have plans of his own...

Quote:
This isn't the first time he has threatened to leave. I told him the next time he did so, he better be prepared to pack his bags. If I can stand by him through all I have over the past 5 years, he should be able to be patient with me until I can trust him again.

It felt like a wake up call to me. When he came home, he ignored me and was laughing and joking with our oldest boy. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said sure. He gets defensive and rude when he is hurting. It's a defensive mechanism that he uses. He pretends like he doesn't care. When I said to him, that I felt it was over he said, "Good, then I don't have to listen to any of this anymore." and when I said that he would regret it someday, he laughed. I went to work and heard nothing from him all night. I came home and he had put 4 shot glasses out as a "joke".
That's not a way to live...
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:39 PM
 
1,561 posts, read 2,077,354 times
Reputation: 2131
Accept his moving out at the end of October. Do not even argue the point. Move on with your life. Anything more is just beating a dead horse. Sorry your marriage fell apart due to your Husbands addiction. Realize you are not to blame, it is a old sad story.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Broken Promise Land
301 posts, read 787,540 times
Reputation: 505
I feel like I can do it this time. It used to be that I couldn't picture a life without him in it. I can now even if it means just me and my boys. I wish I could walk away and not have to see him anymore. He is my addiction. Sounds silly, but anyone who is codependent will know exactly what I'm talking about. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I just don't see any reason to stay where I'm at. I do not think he will ever change as long as I do not hold him accountable for his past mistakes. If he loved me as much as I love him, he would of quit drinking the day after he had sex with that girl. He would of fessed up to me then. I wouldn't of had to hear about it from a third party.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 83,811,880 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattB4 View Post
Accept his moving out at the end of October. Do not even argue the point.
I think that's a good idea! As a matter of fact, he may very well be bluffing and things may work out to her advantage (like him going to rehab, for instance).
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Broken Promise Land
301 posts, read 787,540 times
Reputation: 505
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I think that's a good idea! As a matter of fact, he may very well be bluffing and things may work out to her advantage (like him going to rehab, for instance).
I think he is bluffing. It never gets that far because I always beg him to stay. I will not this time. No matter how much it hurts, I am not going to beg him to stay.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2021, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top