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My daughter is in no way neglected, we have an extraordinary loving, mother daughter relationship. She is in no way resentful in any aspect. Socially she is extremely well adjusted and does well in school and sports. I spend a temendous amount of time with my children. She also respects my bf and likes him. Both my children do. My daughter spends 50% of her time at her fathers (he lives locally) we have joint custody amicably. This issue is an ADULT matter and not outwardly apparent to my kids. It Is about FINANCES. And adults being RESPONSIBLE for their living expenses! Who the heck expects to live for FREE at someone elses expense?! These adult issues are NOT discussed in the presence of my children!!
Neither of my kids came home from school and "randomly found someone sitting on my couch'! This is a man we have known for 16 years!
Honestly, I am an excellent parent and anyone who knows me will reiterate this! This not a "parenting issue" it is a RESPONSIBILITY issue. My kids lifestyle has NOT been financially diminished due to this man living in my house for three months...my concern is a capable adult LIVING for nothing! Show me where I can live for FREE?!
An excellent parent doesn't gain a shack-up buddy after the first date.
An excellent parent teaches a child the communication skills that are necessary to ensure one is treated with respect, courtesy and dignity. Leaving a note on the kitchen table in the hopes that your 55 year old bf will start contributing financially doesn't count.
This situation reminds me of the problem with the "Emporers New Clothes" - he was convinced he was wearing them, but everyone around him could see they didn't exist.
You think you are "independent" and "generous" when in reality what you are is a doormat with has no boundries.
I would suggest counseling for you so that you can get to the bottom of why your personal self-image does not match your reality.
Again, our OP talks a good game - but her actions do not match up with her claims of what she believes about "personal responsibility".
My God some of you are judgmental. Ill bet your houses are made of glass.
The woman came on here venting about a situation that has snuck up on her that she has never had to deal with before looking to remedy her situation. She is not asking for parenting advice but she has been called a bad parent, dysfunctional and a doormat.
So she needs to grow a pair and tell her bf things arent working and he needs to find his own place. No need to make her feel like crap because she has found herself in one of lifes situations. Sounds like she is working on it.
Again, thank you for your understanding 2mares my feelings are not hurt by negative comments. I am aware of who I am and realize it is hard for people to get the whole picture merely from an online public forum! Or be cognitive of the whole picture!
I am taking the relative advice and helpful input that applies to the solution I was seeking in my original posting which is simply: is there a constructive way to express to my "significant other" the importance of contribution to our living arrangement or is my only option to "show him the door"?
I have received a broad spectrum (which is what I was seeking) of advice ranging from "help him" to kick him out, to I am a doormat (sometimes kind people tend to be taken advantage of)
I truly am taking in all of the replies and hope to apply those relevant to my situation as it genuinely is!
I do appreciate your input, and agree with your glass house statement!
My God some of you are judgmental. Ill bet your houses are made of glass.
The woman came on here venting about a situation that has snuck up on her that she has never had to deal with before looking to remedy her situation. She is not asking for parenting advice but she has been called a bad parent, dysfunctional and a doormat.
So she needs to grow a pair and tell her bf things arent working and he needs to find his own place. No need to make her feel like crap because she has found herself in one of lifes situations. Sounds like she is working on it.
Hey if you don't want commentary about something in your life, don't post about it on an open forum. Sometimes we get answers we don't like; this happens to us all when we start a thread.
My God some of you are judgmental. Ill bet your houses are made of glass.
The woman came on here venting about a situation that has snuck up on her that she has never had to deal with before looking to remedy her situation. She is not asking for parenting advice but she has been called a bad parent, dysfunctional and a doormat.
So she needs to grow a pair and tell her bf things arent working and he needs to find his own place. No need to make her feel like crap because she has found herself in one of lifes situations. Sounds like she is working on it.
We are NOT being judgemental
Her stated intention for starting this thread (go back and read the title) was for opinions -which we are giving her.
She thinks this is all HIS problem, but in the truth is, it's all HER problem.
Understanding that who she says she is doesn't match up with what her reality actually is would go a long way toward getting her life where she claims she wants it to be.
Again, thank you for your understanding 2mares my feelings are not hurt by negative comments. I am aware of who I am and realize it is hard for people to get the whole picture merely from an online public forum! Or be cognitive of the whole picture!
I am taking the relative advice and helpful input that applies to the solution I was seeking in my original posting which is simply: is there a constructive way to express to my "significant other" the importance of contribution to our living arrangement or is my only option to "show him the door"?
I have received a broad spectrum (which is what I was seeking) of advice ranging from "help him" to kick him out, to I am a doormat (sometimes kind people tend to be taken advantage of)
I truly am taking in all of the replies and hope to apply those relevant to my situation as it genuinely is!
I do appreciate your input, and agree with your glass house statement!
S, the comments I have made to you are not intended to be negative in any way shape or form.
They are simply an observation of your situation.
You are acting like a doormat.
I asked you why - you have yet to acknowledge that question here, which is fine, you don't owe me anything.
But I do sincerely hope you are asking YOURSELF this question and trying hard to answer it.
Lol tough noogies?! Funny lol....needed that humor
I think what 2mares was stating was this post has gone off track a little. I seek advice on how to handle this situation of accountability
for financial responsibility. Not parenting, nor who responders feel I
am or my character. I am not looking for sympathy or an assessment of how this has transpired. I am not "proud" (as one poster so eloquently phrased it) of my "generousity" or supporting a grown man. Just hoping to get some useful objective input on how to handle this unexpected situation. Thank you.
Honestly, I am not at all bitter for non child support for my children, I will not discuss the details of my arrangement on thus forum, my op had nothing to do with this matter and in no way affects any aspect of my initial subject posting?!
This subject just reiterates my adamant concern that WE all NEED TO, AS ADULTS assume financial responsibility for ourselves! I take care of myself and my children. Period! This is about a "bf" paying his OWN way.
Blessings!
It doesn't matter how well off you are financially. Child support is not for you, it is intended to go to your children. The father's financial obligation has nothing to do with your income. Both parents are to support their children.
Lol tough noogies?! Funny lol....needed that humor
I think what 2mares was stating was this post has gone off track a little. I seek advice on how to handle this situation of accountability
for financial responsibility. Not parenting, nor who responders feel I
am or my character. I am not looking for sympathy or an assessment of how this has transpired. I am not "proud" (as one poster so eloquently phrased it) of my "generousity" or supporting a grown man. Just hoping to get some useful objective input on how to handle this unexpected situation. Thank you.
Which, again, I have given you
You need to be asking YOURSELF some very tough questions.
Does he have issues - you bet he does (and I see nothing at all remotely attractive about a man like this personally)
BUT, you do too. You cannot "fix" him, so quit trying to find ways to do that.
YOU need to concentrate on YOU, and getting to the bottom of why you would allow yourself to be in this situation in the first place.
You need to quit making excuses for yourself - "I'm just generous and generous people sometimes get taken advantage of" - bullsh*t. I'm VERY generous myself but I can tell you, NO ONE can take advantage of you without you first volunteering for it.
Stop focusing on him and his problems and look to yourself instead - you'll make a lot more progress toward getting what you want out of life
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my feelings are not hurt by negative comments. I am aware of who I am and realize it is hard for people to get the whole picture merely from an online public forum! Or be cognitive of the whole picture! 
