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I agree!
OP it seems you are ready to settle down/get married in the near future and it would really be a disadvantage for you to get into a relationship with this 22 year old with those expectations even if he did say he sees himself wanting to settle down soon. It's easy to SAY things when you have all the time in the world to have a change of heart. I wouldn't allow someone else to be in control of my wants and desires. If you want to be married in the near future, find a MATURE older man who's experienced the single life and will be content with leaving it behind. The 22 year old is just getting his feet wet in the world and settling down/getting married should be the last thing on his mind.
My wise g-ma always said, "Love flys out the window when poverty knocks on the door.".....but my dh and I are going through a financialy difficult time right now...and we're leaning on eachother.....of course financially difficult and poverty are two different things....
I am in a situation myself, that is similar...I have found the perfect one for me, he takes care of me, loves me, puts up with me (not easy!), but...he has a prison record, is a different race than I am, has less education than me (a lot less), and is on disability. I have dated other men, and am bored when I am out with them, even when we are sailing around on the yacht, going to a fancy place for dinner, I find myself wishing I was with the other guy...but I just can't wrap my head around all the other issues...so, what to do...I am not shallow, but I wonder about all the differences for a long term relationship...
Yep, the only time money can buy happiness is when you at the dog pound. In the mean time if the chemisty is right and everything else seems to click, what is holding you back? The fact that you date only professionals? Do you really think you would want to be married to a doctor or a lawyer? Because he is not your 'type' doesn't mean as much as you think, your type might not be so nice to be married to. Your one sentence makes me stop and really wonder about just where you are coming from: "Now I'm not a gold digger but at 26 I know I want a partner that can provide stability and take care of his family". At 26 what do you bring to the relationship? Why can't you go back to school and be the professional and make all the money you think will make you happy? I know, you want the whole story, the little house with the white picket fence around it and the rest of ithe fairy tail. To me you sound like the typical 26 year old woman waiting for some guy that can support her to come along and fall into her trap...
Last edited by Nite Ryder; 10-02-2010 at 11:53 PM..
Well from our conversations he's eluded to being a one woman man and that once he's completely financially set his next step is marriage. I promise I had a poker face on the whole time but in my mind I was like , lol.
Where's the problem in this? Pay attention to what's actually being said:
- He's a one-woman man (so far no problem, right? and don't act all stunned, there ARE lots of us out there)
- ONCE HE'S FINANCIALLY SET... (meaning AFTER)
- ...his next step is marriage (he's young to be knowing this but it happens; I always knew I wanted to be a family man; more rare than just the one-woman man, but we exist).
The ORDER of things should allay any fears you could possibly have and I don't know, given this statement, why you think there's any conundrum AT ALL.
He didn't say "Let's get married now and hope for the best" and he didn't say "I want to get married as soon as possible" and he never once alluded to the notion that he'd like to get married and then simply "hope for the best financially" or toss around any old chestnuts about how two can live as cheaply as one.
He said he wanted to get himself established and then after that he'd be interested in settling down.
If THAT presents some kind of PROBLEM or presents you with a head-clutching conundrum, maybe you should leave this kid alone, because it doesn't sound to me like he's got anything at all wrong with him but maybe YOU do, having read a problem into the scenario that simply isn't there in the first place. If what he stated is actually what he's trying to do with his life then given what I've read here, you'll end up being a stumbling block for him, not the other way around.
When I first met DH he had five dollars in savings, he didn't match my "profile" of my perfect man in any sense -- too short, not muscled, caustic sense of humor, arrogant, fair (I liked tall, dark, and muscled). He was working at temp job.
I was climbing the corporate ladders, dating executives, engineers, with a lineman or two tossed in for fun. Nope, DH didn't have a chance.
Then we went out on a date, and somehow all the rest of my delusions fell away. My mind tried to over rule my heart, but my heart followed its bliss.
We've had our hard times, more good times, and I'd never trade what we have for any roads not taken.
If you are not satisfied with his income, make your own. Being supported by someone else is unhealthy, anyway. Stand on the two feet God gave you and be a partner in your lives together -- support each other. Enjoy the happiness that you give one another.
Yep, the only time money can buy happiness is when you at the dog pound. In the mean time if the chemisty is right and everything else seems to click, what is holding you back? The fact that you date only professionals? Do you really think you would want to be married to a doctor or a lawyer? Because he is not your 'type' doesn't mean as much as you think, your type might not be so nice to be married to. Your one sentence makes me stop and really wonder about just where you are coming from: "Now I'm not a gold digger but at 26 I know I want a partner that can provide stability and take care of his family". At 26 what do you bring to the relationship? Why can't you go back to school and be the professional and make all the money you think will make you happy? I know, you want the whole story, the little house with the white picket fence around it and the rest of ithe fairy tail. To me you sound like the typical 26 year old woman waiting for some guy that can support her to come along and fall into her trap...
Umm that is quite an assumption considering the fact that I'm an MBA candidate that just got a nice offer from a reputable investment firm. I'm not looking for a man to merely support me while I lay on my back, that's asinine. What I do want is a partner.
Where's the problem in this? Pay attention to what's actually being said:
- He's a one-woman man (so far no problem, right? and don't act all stunned, there ARE lots of us out there)
- ONCE HE'S FINANCIALLY SET... (meaning AFTER)
- ...his next step is marriage (he's young to be knowing this but it happens; I always knew I wanted to be a family man; more rare than just the one-woman man, but we exist).
The ORDER of things should allay any fears you could possibly have and I don't know, given this statement, why you think there's any conundrum AT ALL.
He didn't say "Let's get married now and hope for the best" and he didn't say "I want to get married as soon as possible" and he never once alluded to the notion that he'd like to get married and then simply "hope for the best financially" or toss around any old chestnuts about how two can live as cheaply as one.
He said he wanted to get himself established and then after that he'd be interested in settling down.
If THAT presents some kind of PROBLEM or presents you with a head-clutching conundrum, maybe you should leave this kid alone, because it doesn't sound to me like he's got anything at all wrong with him but maybe YOU do, having read a problem into the scenario that simply isn't there in the first place. If what he stated is actually what he's trying to do with his life then given what I've read here, you'll end up being a stumbling block for him, not the other way around.
I never said that I had an issue with that, I actually admired his mindset for such a young guy considering the fact that most of them only care about screwing every woman they come across until they're 35. I'm also in no hurry to get married, my ideal age for marriage is actually 30..however I would like to a real prospect.
Let's see, this chap, at the ripe old age of 22, has a day job and a gig as a musician on the side. So, he's responsible and realistic about paying his bills while still following his dreams.
Cut the guy loose so he can find a woman who appreciates him for who and what he is--wise beyond his years, energetic, ambitious, yet kind. You'll be doing both him and a member of the sisterhood a favor, because at the rate you're going, if you end up with him, you're going to ruin him and then he'll be on C-D in five years complaining about how materialistic women are. Women in their 20s have enough to deal with, without running into yet another bitter, jaded man who was damaged by a prig with an MBA.
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, lol.
