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That's a good question... I'm not sure, but I would think not.
Well, I will be frank and disclose that I have had sex multiple times with a guy and did not even come close to getting off and I am far from emotionally involved with him. Of course, that could be attributed to his lack of skill lol. And I had such high hopes for him... that's why he kept getting numerous second chances.
Hmmm, interesting, however I think it's more how women see the world. Men are able to compartmentalize their feelings. They can see a woman just for her sex appeal instead a whole- a person with feelings and emotions. In general, women connect and associate everything as one picture. For women I think sex is triggered by the emotions we have "in our head." Of course this is a generalization and I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule.
I think there is some truth to this, although it merits further discussion.
Men DO tend to see "wholes", but we also break down those wholes into sub-systems and parts. We DO look and see the "whole" beauty of a car; but we open the hood and see myriad parts without which the whole simply doesn't work. When a part doesn't work, we're interested in that part, puzzling it out, making it work again. In the view as best *I* see it as a man, that part merits focus and attention in order to fix because the rest of it is just fine. Why would I worry about the carburetor when the solenoid isn't even firing?
It's less about an often misperceived simplicity in the male character than it is in our view of one thing at a time so that it STAYS fixed.
When it comes to sex and relationships we can be the same way and, no differently than women, we focus on our interests. If we're actually interested in a meaningful, lasting relationship on more than a physical level, you'll KNOW. Lots of women in these forums have often told others, and with a high degree of truth: If he actually WANTS to make time for you, he WILL make time for you (of course, within realistic expectations).
I think it's less that men automatically compartmentalize than that we are able to compartmentalize, which makes it easier for us to focus on problems.
We do, on occasion and without a doubt, sometimes OVER-compartmentalize.
Whereas with women (as I perceive them, because every time in these forums I say HOW women think it's a veritable call to arms despite that women do this about men all the time) I often wonder whether they CAN compartmentalize, or simply don't. That's not a denigration by any means, it's an actual question and one I'm positive I won't have answered in these forums where every observation I've ever made which is even potentially negative with regard to women is just dead wrong because NO woman in these forums EVER did or would do any such thing, let alone lack some hypothetical ability. (I swear sometimes, if I came in with proof that I could fly I'd encounter dozens of women in here who could also fly and simply chose not to and *sniff* certainly didn't have anything to prove to ME.)
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Plus I think society hammers in a romantic fairytale that become ingrained in how we (women) view love and sex. We grow up hearing about a beautiful princess in danger and her prince charming needs to rescue her. It usually ends with him kissing her and they are in love forever, the end.
So the combination of viewing love and sex connected and societal conditioning women don't separate physical affection from emotional affection.
I think there's a LOT to this.
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As a teen and young woman I remember feeling those idealistic ideals about love. As I have matured and experienced more I can separate love more from sex although I don't like the idea of having sex without an emotional connection.
This, I suspect, is where some women can have one up over a lot of men, especially younger men. I know that I've always preferred a connection but as I've aged, sex has definitely dropped down on the list compared to that connection, with regard to importance.
When I heard this, I agreed with it. It made sense to me as a woman. I wonder if you do.....here's what my doctor said. The reason women apparently get more involved when they have sex with someone is because there's just a lot more at risk, even if your protected. The fact that women carry the physical and emotional burden of bearing a child make a greater stake in the experience. The feeling is innate and within our genetic makeup to attach ourselves to someone when making love or having sex.
Although I think older women tend to understand the essence of a relationship better than a younger woman. Most older women seem to not misinterpret or create illusions about sex with a man and have less at stake because they've already had children or are past that need.
What do you think? Does this ring true for other women or not?
The reason women get emotionally attached after sex is because of what happens in the brain chemistry. Look up the effects of Oxytocin. A subtler version of this is that long duration hugs and "cuddling" can have a similar bonding effect that sex does.
Some of you gals get emotionally attached after sex because of Oxytocin and brain chemistry and a synaptic firing in your neural networks, pheromonal outputs which wax and wane and genetic design revolving around procreative potential subliminally projected through a male's symmetrical proportions and dominant characteristics as viewed on a social scale...
Some of you gals get emotionally attached after sex because he wows you in bed as much as you wow him, he's sweet, you're feeling all cuddly, he gets you all gooshy inside and wet down below, when he's around you just feel happy in general and after sex it's so much nicer...
Equally real, equally perceptible, but I know whom I'd rather take to bed and beside whom I'd rather wake up!
When I heard this, I agreed with it. It made sense to me as a woman. I wonder if you do.....here's what my doctor said. The reason women apparently get more involved when they have sex with someone is because there's just a lot more at risk, even if your protected. The fact that women carry the physical and emotional burden of bearing a child make a greater stake in the experience. The feeling is innate and within our genetic makeup to attach ourselves to someone when making love or having sex.
Although I think older women tend to understand the essence of a relationship better than a younger woman. Most older women seem to not misinterpret or create illusions about sex with a man and have less at stake because they've already had children or are past that need.
What do you think? Does this ring true for other women or not?
In my opinion, I think that women in general (not all, but a lot) do not know how to handle their hormones and emotions. They equate sex to love. I don't know why. I don't know if they were raised this way that if a man loves you, he'll have sex or what but that's my opinion about it.
I am older and when I was single, if I met someone that I wanted to be sexually involved with (and that was all), it was very easy for me to turn off the emotions, get down to business and keep it that way.
I've always been able to do this though. I never have equated having sex to meaning it's all love. I am fully aware that just because you have sex and then cuddle afterwards, it doesn't mean the man must be in love and wants to marry me LOL
That is where women make their biggest mistakes, not being able to keep their emotions and hormones in check. I have a friend he's 34, dating a much younger woman (she's 24 / 25). He's twice divorced, never wants to marry again and done having kids. He's been more than clear about this (I've witnessed many of these conversations) and she just hears what she wants to hear.
She is so sure that he'll change and that all their time spent intimately means he's surely going to change his mind. He reminds her all the time no marriage, no kids, period.
She's one of these women that just hears what she wants or takes certain actions out of context and will keep believing that one day he'll marry her and have kids. It aint happening and she's upset by this. Here is a perfect example where if she would have listened in the first place, made an informed decision early on to stay and not have it go anywhere other than what it is, or to go and move on - she'd be in a much happier place by now.
Women have got to understand that men can't be changed. They change if they want but you can't emotionally change a man's way of thinking. If you meet a guy and he only wants to have sex with you, trust him to know himself well enough that had he wanted anything further, it would be that way.
Here again, this is not about all women and yes, some men do play games.
Location: Country cottage in the South East of England.
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I actually decided in my teens that I wasn't going to have children, after not only having come from a LARGE family but also working professionally with children in various roles in both education and nursing. I had choosen to live a life dedicated to travel and being hedonistic as and when I pleased.
However- I have not ever had a one night stand or casual sexual encounters, every man I have been involved with has ended up as a long term relationship. So I guess I fall into to the 'exception to the rule' category??
* I did go on to have a beautiful daughter just before I turned 28 mind!
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