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I recently had a close friend of mine go on a drug binge two days/nights ago. He was all by himself for away from everyone and sending weird text and calls to everyone and sounded totally out of whack. Of course everyone got nervous and worried about him. He was incoherent and didn't know who he was talking to and out of his mind. Basically, he has been deeply depressed and has been suicidal. He never really talks about his issues and keeps a lot to himself.
This friend of mine basically has some major issues he deals with and its gotten the best of him lately. I just feel a little bad because he's always the nicest guy to everyone and is always there for people at a drop of a hat and goes above and beyond for people. I'll admit I didn't realize some of this stuff till he got me worried.
However, 3 other friends of mine (whom he also contacted while drugged up) got worried but are ignoring him. They are ignoring him because he got them worried and stopped contacting after a while because he went to the hospital and his phone died he said. Which is believable to me but it can also be a lie but they think he turned it off so he can just worry them more. They also think he is lying to them and was just acting to gain attention since he isn't the most vocal about getting help.
I'm not going to argue with how they feel but I've recently seen this friend and from my personal opinion I can see in his eyes that he hasn't been in the best shape physically and mentally. He's lost plenty of weight and his eyes looked like raccoons. He is also the type to travel around a lot and randomly go places and the one area he visited he's frequented a lot.
I just feel bad because I feel he deserves a little more respect than that and for them to ignore him is kind of childish. Out of anyone if someone had an issue or needed to talk, he'll be the first person in line to help you and hear your problems and was always the most generous of all of us in my opinion. Like I said he always went above and beyond for all of us and I think he deserves to be at least heard from those 3 instead of being immature and ignoring him.
They want him to "crawl to them" and apologize-which he already did. He called them and apologize for the mishap. I feel even if they think he was lying or BSing that they should at least talk to him and tell him how they feel, just get things out in the open and draw a line in the sand or something instead of leaving him friendless.
This type of thing worries me because it seems like when you don't pay attention to someone in that type of situation and if they DO commit suicide or harm themselves, then they'll feel guilty and regret not speaking to this person. I've experienced it before and it was really a hurtful feeling and I'm trying to tell them that but I just feel like they should really speak to him instead of ignoring a guy who really is hurting and needs friends right now.
I think you need to reach out to him on your own, individually, and try to find out whats going on with him. Talk to him. Maybe just by offering to talk, will help him, but I don`t think ignoring him is going to help anyone at this point. Don`t worry about what the others think, or say...you do what you feel is right! Good luck to him!
Of course, that's why I'm talking to him. I'm just a little upset that they're being really immature about this because he was the closest with those 3 and was there for THEM a lot. I feel more disappointed than he does in a way. ahaha. I'm also good friends with them and I explained to them its not like he does this everyday (or ever), its not like we went over to look for him, its not like we had to take care of him, or anything like that. We didn't do anything in the physical sense or do anything that took away from our time to take care of him. I wasn't that close to him as much as the others but like I said this situation sucks because I did have a friend who committed suicide before because NO ONE really paid attention to him because they thought he was just being dramatic. Though he was, the end result ended up with him ridding himself and I felt-and still feel-guilty about it.
This guy comes off very strong and independent but I still think he needs some sort of support and I would hate to see him in a deeper hole if his closest friends aren't there for him.
Ignoring someone without peacefully stating why is negative abusive behavior. But he is also being abusive to the relationship by acting this way and not taking action steps to clean himself up. Don't get very involved with that type of person but give them some numbers and options. That type of person can tend to latch onto you and be a drain. So remember to care about yourself first always when dealing with someone like that. But don't use it as an excuse to abuse them by just ignoring them in hope they will crawl back to you.
Know too that using hard drugs can really be dangerous for anyone around him. That includes you. Hard stuff can turn the sweetest person into a monster you can't even imagine. If they are deeply addicted to whatever they are using they could do messed up things to you like rob you or have a violent temper tantrum. I would have this "maybe you need to see someone" talk over the phone or in a public place.
Ignoring someone without peacefully stating why is negative abusive behavior. But he is also being abusive to the relationship by acting this way and not taking action steps to clean himself up. Don't get very involved with that type of person but give them some numbers and options. That type of person can tend to latch onto you and be a drain. So remember to care about yourself first always when dealing with someone like that. But don't use it as an excuse to abuse them by just ignoring them in hope they will crawl back to you.
Know too that using hard drugs can really be dangerous for anyone around him. That includes you. Hard stuff can turn the sweetest person into a monster you can't even imagine. If they are deeply addicted to whatever they are using they could do messed up things to you like rob you or have a violent temper tantrum. I would have this "maybe you need to see someone" talk over the phone or in a public place.
Absolutely, the thing is this guy never did drugs prior to this. When he hung out with us, he never even drank alcohol. He pretty much doesn't do drugs for recreational use and was always the sober one when we hung out. I know that people who do drugs can be monsters but I just feel they aren't looking at the bigger picture here. They know he never did drugs or even sipped on any alcohol when we hung out and for him to do something like that has to say something about his problems.
I understand that they feel mad about certain things but I agree that ignoring it is just abuse. I feel they should definitely state their reason for ignoring him or not wanting to talk to him even if they agree or not at least things can be settled. I don't think its right to just leave someone who supposed to be a friend in the dust.
I think you need to reach out to him on your own, individually, and try to find out whats going on with him. Talk to him. Maybe just by offering to talk, will help him, but I don`t think ignoring him is going to help anyone at this point. Don`t worry about what the others think, or say...you do what you feel is right! Good luck to him!
Good succinct response.
You say he has already apologized to these "friends" and they've chosen to take the low road. So be it. Nothing you can say to them will change their minds but what you might do is explain to him why these "friends" might feel this way.
You might also look into what counseling opportunities are available in your area which might suit him and which he can look into. Your role as a friend is to be an ear and then guide him towards a professional avenue but not be drawn into any long and drawn out conversational sessions which might put you in the position of being an enabler. A friend doesn't drop a friend for one indiscretion such as this but a friend should try to guide. That's all you can do. The rest is up to him. Good luck!
They said they would speak to him but that he would need to "prove" to them some stuff. Like they want to see his medical records, his phone calls made, they want to find out info at the place he stood when he got drugged, they want to speak to his family members about what happened etc. They want physical tangible evidence. I don't know about anyone else but in my opinion I think that's way too much info that they want and way too much interrogation that's not necessary.
They're acting as if he stole or took something from them while in a druken state or hurt them physically. When he was no where near them. Like STT mentioned I'm not going to get into a long drawn out conversation with them about this but I don't think he owes them any of that info. They should just give him the benefit of a doubt in my opinion and look at the bigger picture and realize this guy is crying out for help and really needs it. They should just realize that this guy at the end of the day-was a great friend to them and that's what ultimately matters instead of turning a blind eye.
I don't want to make this like my problem or anything but it sucks to see this happen to someone who's always been there for them in every way when they needed help, he's always been the guy to reach out to them and even ask how they were doing without them even asking him for help first. Heck, I remember he came through for me emotionally and even financially once when he really never had to. He was always the type of guy to be there for you and lift your spirits when things went sour. Now that he's down in the drain his 3 supposedly close friends don't want anything to do with him and want to ignore him because he stressed them out, worried them, got them messed up emotionally.
They're not thinking about him? About how he felt? He was the one on drugs, he was the one who tried to commit suicide, he's the guy who's dealing from some terrible memories and experiences. He's the guy who needs help right now, not them.
I think its selfish that they're putting their feelings first and acting as if they had to endure the bulk of his behavior.
I don't want to make this like my problem or anything but it sucks to see this happen to someone who's always been there for them in every way when they needed help, he's always been the guy to reach out to them and even ask how they were doing without them even asking him for help first. Heck, I remember he came through for me emotionally and even financially once when he really never had to. He was always the type of guy to be there for you and lift your spirits when things went sour. Now that he's down in the drain his 3 supposedly close friends don't want anything to do with him and want to ignore him because he stressed them out, worried them, got them messed up emotionally.
They're not thinking about him? About how he felt? He was the one on drugs, he was the one who tried to commit suicide, he's the guy who's dealing from some terrible memories and experiences. He's the guy who needs help right now, not them.
I think its selfish that they're putting their feelings first and acting as if they had to endure the bulk of his behavior.
You keep stressing that you do not think this is fair, and that the other friends are doing him so wrong. So..why don`t you do something about it, and tell them what you have told us here? How he has always been there for them in their time of need, but they are turning their backs on him, when its his turn?
They said they would speak to him but that he would need to "prove" to them some stuff. Like they want to see his medical records, his phone calls made, they want to find out info at the place he stood when he got drugged, they want to speak to his family members about what happened etc. They want physical tangible evidence. I don't know about anyone else but in my opinion I think that's way too much info that they want and way too much interrogation that's not necessary.
They're acting as if he stole or took something from them while in a druken state or hurt them physically. When he was no where near them. Like STT mentioned I'm not going to get into a long drawn out conversation with them about this but I don't think he owes them any of that info. They should just give him the benefit of a doubt in my opinion and look at the bigger picture and realize this guy is crying out for help and really needs it. They should just realize that this guy at the end of the day-was a great friend to them and that's what ultimately matters instead of turning a blind eye.
I don't want to make this like my problem or anything but it sucks to see this happen to someone who's always been there for them in every way when they needed help, he's always been the guy to reach out to them and even ask how they were doing without them even asking him for help first. Heck, I remember he came through for me emotionally and even financially once when he really never had to. He was always the type of guy to be there for you and lift your spirits when things went sour. Now that he's down in the drain his 3 supposedly close friends don't want anything to do with him and want to ignore him because he stressed them out, worried them, got them messed up emotionally.
They're not thinking about him? About how he felt? He was the one on drugs, he was the one who tried to commit suicide, he's the guy who's dealing from some terrible memories and experiences. He's the guy who needs help right now, not them.
I think its selfish that they're putting their feelings first and acting as if they had to endure the bulk of his behavior.
As I said, don't go there with them and do stop reacting to their alleged demands which are outrageous. Grab into your brain and pull them out of there. We only use a miniscule portion of our brains during our lifetime and the phrase,"mind over matter" really isn't just a catch-all piece of silliness. Stop fretting over these so-called friends and do what you can for your buddy but without going overboard and getting sucked in. What the heck, call him this evening and go see a movie or do something light! If he doesn't want to go out, offer to bring take-out to his place and watch a movie. He may look like crap and probably feels like crap but he might be open for light company which is probably what he needs most at this juncture.
Yeah, I'll do that STT. He's not a hard person to please, maybe just being at his house and hanging out with him is more than enough.
I'm totally not going to do what they want but I'm trying to explain to them that he's seriously not a bad person and they shouldn't leave him hanging. He's just a guy that needs help and needs support just like they needed when they were down.
What upsets me the most is just how selfish and elementary people can be at this age. These aren't teenagers, they are adults who are 23 and up and just can't act like adults.
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