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OK.. I have freakin` had it. I need to vent this out before I blow up!
The last two and ahalf yrs. I have been very patient, with my ex, and his child support payments! I know that he has had a round of bad luck, so I haven`t ask him for nothing for our child. No clothes, no lunch money, nothing... he lost his business, and went bankrupt. He found another job pretty quickly after that, but I never ask him for a dime, because I knew that he had his own problems, and yes, I felt sorry for him.
Then, awhile later, he lost his house! More time, and sob stories...I was allowing him to try to get his life back before I ask him for money for our son.
The time just never seemed to be right. I would hear how broke he was, etc..
OK..Here awhile back..he sold a house he had, and got at least 5 grand.. his sister told me about it. I thought, well good....he can at least help pay for the school supplies and clothes that the boy needs... he is 11, and outgrowing everything..I ask him for help. He gives me a hundred dollars! Sigh......
I get furious about it, and go to the child support place to fill out papers on him....but haven`t turned them in yet..
He has given me 40 bucks last month, only because I ask him when he was going to start paying to help..
Today....he pulls up in my driveway driving a 2008 toyota selica!!
I called him and said,"A new car huh?" He went on to tell me how much money he will save with the diffrence in gas milieage, blah , blah!
He tells me that he don`t have enough money to pay his rent some months, or buy food, but this??
Hit me!!! I`m ready for ya!
I`m gonna add, that I`m not sure what will happen to him, once I turn these child support papers in...I don`t want to see him go to jail, or even payback the back child support...I just want him to make his payments weekly, so I can support him(our son) the way he needs to be.
Honestly George do you believe there are quarentees with marriage. That ppl dont misrepresent themselves or change over time.
Do tell what the warning signs are that a man may become unemployed 10 yrs. down the road or that a man wont be a perfect father or keep up his child support payments or cheat or develop additictions or medical conditions.
It's easy to point fingers at someone else's life mistakes. And it's a little disgusting how some people get so much satisfaction out of doing so.
I was in Yankeegirl's place. It never occurred to me that my ex wouldn't feel it was his responsibility to take care of his child financially or in other ways. I grew up with a responsible father, my ex's mother was a wonderful woman, and his father had died when he was young so I never knew him. I was married and working, my ex had a small home-improvement business, and around the time my daughter was born the economy tanked (early 90's) and he suddenly had no work coming in, his mother died, and he just started spending more and more time at the bar and then was using drugs. He wouldn't do anything to change, and by the time she was eight he had to go for both my sake and my daughter's!
I don't know what yankeegirl's story is, but I suspect it is similar. We don't get married and plan to have children thinking "Well, this guy will likely be a sucky husband and father but I will marry him anyway."
I know worse--a woman with three kids, nice home, college-educated husband had a great job working in his father's business, he decided to take up drinking after about 12 years of marriage and got so bad his own father fired him. She had to divorce him and a year later he was dead of a brain hemorrhage. This stuff happens. There are no guarantees, as someone else said.
It's easy to point fingers at someone else's life mistakes. And it's a little disgusting how some people get so much satisfaction out of doing so.
I was in Yankeegirl's place. It never occurred to me that my ex wouldn't feel it was his responsibility to take care of his child financially or in other ways. I grew up with a responsible father, my ex's mother was a wonderful woman, and his father had died when he was young so I never knew him. I was married and working, my ex had a small home-improvement business, and around the time my daughter was born the economy tanked (early 90's) and he suddenly had no work coming in, his mother died, and he just started spending more and more time at the bar and then was using drugs. He wouldn't do anything to change, and by the time she was eight he had to go for both my sake and my daughter's!
I don't know what yankeegirl's story is, but I suspect it is similar. We don't get married and plan to have children thinking "Well, this guy will likely be a sucky husband and father but I will marry him anyway."
I know worse--a woman with three kids, nice home, college-educated husband had a great job working in his father's business, he decided to take up drinking after about 12 years of marriage and got so bad his own father fired him. She had to divorce him and a year later he was dead of a brain hemorrhage. This stuff happens. There are no guarantees, as someone else said.
I hear you. It irks me when ppl point fingers and insist women should all be psychics. What about the men who end up "losing half their stuff" to golddiggers, have wives that grow to be fat slobs or wont have sex with them anymore. Wont care for the kids and sleep around. Are these men clueless, do they not think about a womans ability to be a loyal wife and loving mother when they chose to sleep with them? Geesh.
OK. I had to bring this back today, because I turned the papers in today!
I almost walked out, twice, but I thought about my son, and his needs, instead of my ex`s needs. I know that I did the right thing....he`s gonna have a fit though, when he finds out!
I just really hope that they don`t throw him in jail..its out of my hands now.
Yea and what happens if they throw him in jail? You gonna take him to the bank with the 5 dollar a week jail paychecks?
Will he loose his job if he goes to jail?
Will people hire him after he gets out of jail.
Will your kids still respect you if he does go to jail and they find out you instigated it? Because they will find out sooner or later.
I think you should have thought this over a little more personally, but good luck .
I just can't shake this feeling that you are more mad about the disposable income you could be enjoying, vs actual child support...
Yea and what happens if they throw him in jail? You gonna take him to the bank with the 5 dollar a week jail paychecks?
Will he loose his job if he goes to jail?
Will people hire him after he gets out of jail.
Will your kids still respect you if he does go to jail and they find out you instigated it? Because they will find out sooner or later.
I think you should have thought this over a little more personally, but good luck .
I just can't shake this feeling that you are more mad about the disposable income you could be enjoying, vs actual child support...
I don`t think they will throw him in jail, unless he refuses to help at all.
I also think they will look at his income, and look at mine, and estimate his amount of child support that he needs to be paying, weekly.
If he doesn`t have any money to give, then let the court be the judge of that.
I have gave this alot of thought..for too long actually.
Income that I could be enjoying? Right dude...with a growing 11 year old. That doesn`t make any sense!
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 10-20-2010 at 04:12 PM..
Yea and what happens if they throw him in jail? You gonna take him to the bank with the 5 dollar a week jail paychecks?
Will he loose his job if he goes to jail?
Will people hire him after he gets out of jail.
Will your kids still respect you if he does go to jail and they find out you instigated it? Because they will find out sooner or later.
I think you should have thought this over a little more personally, but good luck .
I just can't shake this feeling that you are more mad about the disposable income you could be enjoying, vs actual child support...
You obviously haven't read enough of yankeegirl's posts
She not angry at him. She has stated he's otherwise a good dad and loves their son. Likewise, the son loves him.
She is happily remarried, not nursing a grudge against him for any reason.
The bottom line is, he's not pulling his weight financially. PERIOD. She has given him PLENTY of time to get his act together and was very sympathetic when he was out of work, losing his home etc.
But just how long is she supposed to shoulder this financial load without his help??? She's given him 2 YEARS already
He is the childs father and as such is RESPONSIBLE for helping to take care of the childs needs. It should not fall to her new husband to have to pick up the slack of her ex-husband.
IF the dad were to go to jail (and he won't if he just pays the paltry sum the court is going to order) it will be HIS fault, not hers. She didn't "instigate" anything other than proper care of their child.
I don`t think they will throw him in jail, unless he refuses to help at all.
I also think they will look at his income, and look at mine, and estimate his amount of child support that he needs to be paying, weekly.
If he doesn`t have any money to give, then let the court be the judge of that.
I have gave this alot of thought..for too long actually.
Income that I could be enjoying? Right dude...with a growing 11 year old. That doesn`t make any sense!
Well in some cases they throw men in jail who can't help even if they want to.
I'm not saying I don't agree with what you are doing, but for me court is kind of a last resort. Because once you take that step, the wheels are in motion. I mean you said yourself that you did not care about back child support right? So your kids I assume, are being taken care of.
Perhaps a letter of demand? You can have attorneys draft letters of demand which often get the point across quite well.
I just grew up with this type of stuff you know? My parents got divorced as a kid. And I bounced around between dads and moms and back and forth over the summer. Even though my parents made good money, they always bickered. And they were quick to lawyer up, because they were not capable of discussing these minor financial quarrels like adults. All it made me do, was hate both of them and money.
And in retrospect I don't think it was ever really about the money, just built up resentment they would not let go of.
And in retrospect I don't think it was ever really about the money, just built up resentment they would not let go of.
Many times, it really isn't about the money, like you just said. There's just a lot of anger involved. Nevertheless, how would you have felt if the only person caring for your upbringing was just your mom, while your dad went out and bought luxuries and never sent a dime for you? Or if the only one paying for you was your dad, while your mom went and had more kids and spent money on them, but never on you?
Well in some cases they throw men in jail who can't help even if they want to.
I'm not saying I don't agree with what you are doing, but for me court is kind of a last resort. Because once you take that step, the wheels are in motion. I mean you said yourself that you did not care about back child support right? So your kids I assume, are being taken care of.
Perhaps a letter of demand? You can have attorneys draft letters of demand which often get the point across quite well.
I just grew up with this type of stuff you know? My parents got divorced as a kid. And I bounced around between dads and moms and back and forth over the summer. Even though my parents made good money, they always bickered. And they were quick to lawyer up, because they were not capable of discussing these minor financial quarrels like adults. All it made me do, was hate both of them and money.
And in retrospect I don't think it was ever really about the money, just built up resentment they would not let go of.
We are kind of the opposite of your parents. We don`t bicker back and forth about anything, and neither one of us make good money.
I guess I could have had a lawyer draw a letter up, telling him to make his payments, but his income has changed since our divorce, and I know that he couldn`t afford to pay what is in the divorce papers, so we talked about it, and agreed that he would pay me 50 a week. He gave $80, since we had the discussion a month ago.
See, when you go messing with his dollar, he will fight you for it. Thats why even though it was hard for me, I felt that his payments would never be consistent, if I just told him. IDK. I still feel bad about it, but he is eating out every night, and driving a diffrent car, while our son could use some new clothes.
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Sigh......
Geesh.
Right dude...with a growing 11 year old. That doesn`t make any sense!
