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I'm guilty of this to a certain degree. Sure life teaches us what we don't like but we need to remain open to what we've never tried.
I definitely don't want another habitual criminal, liar or closet homosexual in a partner. But, hey anything else, toss it at me. I LOVE being surprised as hell. It's what keeps life interesting.
I really hate to see lists of what a person wants. Yep, these are the same wants they have always had that obviously haven't worked out in the past. Still, the list stays the same???? Go figure this one!
I really hate to see lists of what a person wants. Yep, these are the same wants they have always had that obviously haven't worked out in the past. Still, the list stays the same???? Go figure this one!
Just because you haven't found what you're looking for doesn't necessarily mean you should change your list of requirements. It simply means you ought to be open to the idea of making adjustments. But some requirements might make sense to keep even if they drastically limit your options. For example, you could be the only Muslim in a town full of nothing but Christians. Should you relax that requirement because you still haven't found anyone after years of looking? Depends on how important your faith is to you and how much it matters that your partner share it. I think some people have a tendency to make adjustments, but they make the wrong ones. Instead of being flexible on something like height or weight, they instead relax their standards on something more fundamental like religion and then learn the hard way why they should've kept that requirement.
I agree, the "Won't date you if"s can be a pretty negative way of finding the love of your life. If I was looking online I'd be more apt to list the positive things I like, not the things I dislike.
However, it's never a bad thing to have some initial weeding out and screening.
ie: -I "wont date you if" you are a serial killer. (excpet maybe Dexter).
-I "wont date anyone who" leaves finger and toe nail clippings on the floor. It just really bothers me and its a deal breaker.
...And how you phrase things says a lot about you. I could say I want someone who isn't overweight or I could say I want someone who stays in shape. The latter just sounds better. Likewise I could say I want someone who doesn't lie or I could say I want someone who's honest. Although it shouldn't be necessary to have to state either since it's usually a given that you want someone who's honest, the latter still sounds better.
Denny, I've seen a lot of this also and it does get trying after a while (and this from a self-acknowledged pessimist and cynic!).
One thing I thought of while reading your response here was, although phrasing a preference in the positive usually does sound better, do you think it allows a lot more "wiggle room"? If you say "in shape" rather than "not overweight", wouldn't you be leaving the door open for 400-pounders who consider themselves "in shape"? Someone who lies habitually might actually begin to see their lies as the real "truth", so they'd merrily respond to your ad...
One thing I thought of while reading your response here was, although phrasing a preference in the positive usually does sound better, do you think it allows a lot more "wiggle room"? If you say "in shape" rather than "not overweight", wouldn't you be leaving the door open for 400-pounders who consider themselves "in shape"? Someone who lies habitually might actually begin to see their lies as the real "truth", so they'd merrily respond to your ad...
Do you see what you'd be doing though? You'd be writing your profile as if you think you need to defend yourself. In this case, you'd be defending yourself from being contacted by the wrong people. I would rather be contacted by people who are all wrong for me than risk turning off someone who might be a great match for me all because my profile sounded a bit too defensive. And even if you did say "not overweight", that still won't stop people. Someone might be overweight, but not think so or decide they don't care what your requirements are. They may even think you'll make an exception for them. But given that women rarely make first contact, I doubt you'd have to worry about this happening.
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