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Do you think the longer you are NOT in a relationship will make it harder for you to function once you ARE in a relationship? I ask because I find it very difficult to let someone get close to me (not sexually just in general) and I wonder if it because I have been single for a long time.
Do you think the longer you are NOT in a relationship will make it harder for you to function once you ARE in a relationship? I ask because I find it very difficult to let someone get close to me (not sexually just in general) and I wonder if it because I have been single for a long time.
It's a great theory / question. I definitely think that the longer you are out of practice on any level (including relationships) the more fear you have entering into one which in turn makes it an awkward situation (so to speak). On the other hand, maybe being out of a relationship while you were taking some much needed time to work on yourself and really get to know yourself would be beneficial to a relationship.
Do you think the longer you are NOT in a relationship will make it harder for you to function once you ARE in a relationship? I ask because I find it very difficult to let someone get close to me (not sexually just in general) and I wonder if it because I have been single for a long time.
Not necessarily. I think a lot of people get into relationships cause they haven't learned how to be happy on their own. So if you're taking time off from relationships, you can use that time to work on yourself so that by the time you do get into one, you're ready and hopefully aren't bringing a bunch of unresolved issues with you.
Do you think the longer you are NOT in a relationship will make it harder for you to function once you ARE in a relationship? I ask because I find it very difficult to let someone get close to me (not sexually just in general) and I wonder if it because I have been single for a long time.
No.
People are hard to trust now a days. You have to becareful with everyone. So you not jumping out there and sharing your life or feelings with someone is probably pretty smart in my book.
I think being alone helps you to get to know yourself. To understand what you are as a person. That is a great gift to give when you begin a relationship.
Do you think the longer you are NOT in a relationship will make it harder for you to function once you ARE in a relationship? I ask because I find it very difficult to let someone get close to me (not sexually just in general) and I wonder if it because I have been single for a long time.
It's a great question to ask yourself anytime you have a string of relationships that don't work out, or can't seem to find a relationship. The answer might be "no", but it might be "yes".
I do think the older we get and the longer we live alone the harder it can be to adjust to adding someone to our everyday lives and routine.
So just be cognizant of the fact that you COULD be getting in your own way, and work to keep that from happening by concentrating on being more flexible in general. Since you say you know you "find it very difficult to let someone get close" you already know what you need to work on
Do you think the longer you are NOT in a relationship will make it harder for you to function once you ARE in a relationship? I ask because I find it very difficult to let someone get close to me (not sexually just in general) and I wonder if it because I have been single for a long time.
I have found that being "out of a relationship" is a lot easier. I guess the older I get I find that I'd rather exert the effort on myself. But it could be that I wasted too much time on the wrong men when I was younger. However, if Mr wonderful showed up, I'm sure I'd be open.
If you are asking the question, then you probably are. You are the common denominator in all your failed relationships. And if you cannot analyze what you've been doing wrong and change your behavior accordingly, then you can expect more of the same.
I'd have to say no. Especially if you are this way with platonic friendships. Could be you're just a guarded person, and there's nothing wrong with that. Better to take it slow than to rush into something. You'll know when you're ready to let someone into your comfort zone.
After jumping from one relationship to another in my younger days I can tell you that it's SUCH a relief to be solo at this (aged) stage of my life. I finally learned to enjoy my own company about 20 years ago and although I had a several-year relationship afterwards it didn't end up that well. The funny thing is that I've remained friends with my two most recent exes (going back 25 years now). One married and I met his wife who's simply lovely and we all keep in touch from time to time. The last one always remained a good friend after I got over the angst of our breakup.
He's in his mid 70s now and recently met a woman who's a "travel companion" and, as he calls it (which I think is hilarious just because it's such a nouveau term) a "friend with benefits". Seems that this mid 70 year old widowed lady is apparently insanely jealous of me (who she's never met - she's in CA and he lives here but visits one of his his daughters in CA which is where he met her) which I think is such a hoot. She's comfortably off, has her own home, they pay their own ways on cruises and vacations and he enjoys her company but she has a big bug up her patootie about our "friendship", somehow "discovered" my website and even grilled one of his daughters who lives here and while she was visiting, about not only his relationship with me but wanted to know about who others he'd been involved with over the last 30 years. With all due respect I thought septuagenarians were way over this sort of nonsense but obviously not. I told my friend he should most definitely bring her here the next time she visits so she can maybe see that no relationship angst is necessary.
I'm with swanstone1 here. You never know what might happen and options are always open but I have wonderful friends of all ages, I have warm and furry feline bodies who snuggle up with me at night and (OK, but we oldsters are still capable of sexual feelings and desires despite our failing flesh, however YUKKY that might seem to you youngsters!) I can get that taken care of myself.
I wouldn't worry about it, Princess. If you're not happy in your own skin then figure out why not and work on that. If you're not happy with yourself you won't be happy with someone else in your life. It took me way too long to get it. Cheers!
I definitely think that the longer you are out of practice on any level (including relationships) the more fear you have entering into one which in turn makes it an awkward situation (so to speak).
I think so or at least I have the same experience - the longer I don't do it, the less I feel like doing it. This is unsettling, though. It’s better to make a decision – either do something about it or officially call it a day. That should bring peace of mind.
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