Grr in a long distance relationship... again (how to, man, love)
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So I've been with my bf for about a year and a half. We've had our ups and downs but we worked through everything. We live[d] together and everything was going great....
Well a few months ago his father died. He couldn't attend the funeral because it was in Mexico and due to his residential status here in the US he could not go to Mexico and then come back to the US.
So as so often happens with elderly couples after his father died his mother (not in good health as is) begin to have further health complications and every day she would cry on the phone wondering when she would see her son and if she would see him before she died. My bf was feeling quilty (and his mom was over doing the guilt trip I suspect) and really wanted to see his mother... Not being able to see his father or pay his last respects when he died was hard on my bf.
After we had a few discussions he decided when he would go back to Mexico and I decided to go back with him. Although my thought was to fly his mother here to the US but he thought she was too ill for that...
So to wrap it up, we went ot Mexico, I met his family (great people), his mother who to me looked like she could fly around the globe (as she is always in the street going somewhere) was quite the character, had an accident in my Land Rover (we made it a road trip) and in returning to "America" had a tearful good bye with my bf. We are going to stay together but I don't believe in LDR for a LONG time, and have had an LDR that left me really frazzled so I'm not sure if I'm setting myself up for heart ache again. But I love him and he loves me so I think it's worth a shot.
I look at the impending months of flying to and from Mexico with excitement to see him but not so much excitement to be in Mexico and again have to shell out "pesos" for flights. And Mexico... hmm it had its good and bad parts, unfortunately my bfs hometown isn't one of the good parts. Is there hope? We have a few ideas of how to close the distance gap: ie for me to convince my boss to allow me to work remotely and I would then move to Mexico (i'm a computer programmer) but that's best case scenario worst case is our living together again my not happen and I can't right now say what that will mean...
p.s. 1 week in and already communication is a problem. As I said his mother is always on the go and now he is too, and he doesn't have a cell phone in Mexico... so I only have house numbers and no ones at home half the time I call.
Does a cell work there? I would give him some time and space because you don't want him to build resentment about the father AND the mother. She won't be alive forever. Why not take this time to just leave it as is and work on something else you did not have time for?
You've been in a LDR before and didn't like it, so now what?
Knowing each other a year/half isn't much!
He has returned to his mom.......does she really need him or just want him to be with her?
This situation can become expensive, but if you have the finances and want to fly........
Where do YOU want your relationship to go with him in the future?
Questions like above your really, really, REALLY need to ask yourself!
Good Luck
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme
So I've been with my bf for about a year and a half. We've had our ups and downs but we worked through everything. We live[d] together and everything was going great....
Well a few months ago his father died. He couldn't attend the funeral because it was in Mexico and due to his residential status here in the US he could not go to Mexico and then come back to the US.
So as so often happens with elderly couples after his father died his mother (not in good health as is) begin to have further health complications and every day she would cry on the phone wondering when she would see her son and if she would see him before she died. My bf was feeling quilty (and his mom was over doing the guilt trip I suspect) and really wanted to see his mother... Not being able to see his father or pay his last respects when he died was hard on my bf.
After we had a few discussions he decided when he would go back to Mexico and I decided to go back with him. Although my thought was to fly his mother here to the US but he thought she was too ill for that...
So to wrap it up, we went ot Mexico, I met his family (great people), his mother who to me looked like she could fly around the globe (as she is always in the street going somewhere) was quite the character, had an accident in my Land Rover (we made it a road trip) and in returning to "America" had a tearful good bye with my bf. We are going to stay together but I don't believe in LDR for a LONG time, and have had an LDR that left me really frazzled so I'm not sure if I'm setting myself up for heart ache again. But I love him and he loves me so I think it's worth a shot.
I look at the impending months of flying to and from Mexico with excitement to see him but not so much excitement to be in Mexico and again have to shell out "pesos" for flights. And Mexico... hmm it had its good and bad parts, unfortunately my bfs hometown isn't one of the good parts. Is there hope? We have a few ideas of how to close the distance gap: ie for me to convince my boss to allow me to work remotely and I would then move to Mexico (i'm a computer programmer) but that's best case scenario worst case is our living together again my not happen and I can't right now say what that will mean...
p.s. 1 week in and already communication is a problem. As I said his mother is always on the go and now he is too, and he doesn't have a cell phone in Mexico... so I only have house numbers and no ones at home half the time I call.
I think she wants him there more than she actually needs him, but she is 80 and 6 months as she was fond of saying and with poor health so I think it's good that he is there with her... unfortunately getting back to the good ol' US of A for him will not be easy.
I want to grow old together. Maybe a year and a half isn't an extremely long time but there is love and that's the most important thing.
In my opinion, he made his choice and now you're hanging onto a relationship where you will be sacrificing everything to be with him and he will be sacrificing nothing for you. I'm saying this because it sounds like leaving the US means he may never be able to go back? Well, he knew that when he made the decision to leave and he chose to do it anyway. He's made his choice and it wasn't for you. While I don't blame him for wanting to be with his ageing mother, he has sacrificed everything for HER and now you are going to sacrifice everything for HIM. Who is doing anything for YOU?
That's right, legally it'll be tricky for him to come back. If it is at all possible.
And it does seem that I would be the one sacrificing the most, and it's true I have the stable job, house and money but I kind of look at the possibility of moving to Mexico as an adventure and worthwhile for him (if I can secure my current way of life and comfortability). But moving there is just an option being entertained and it is kind of farfetched but only time will tell.
So we now have a better mode of communication.
We both got a nextel phone with unlimited international "walkie-talkie"
Can't say I like "walkie-talkie" talk but it's better than not being able to get in contact with him the majority of the time. Theres no instant give and take... you know?
Isn't there a company that offers unlimited international calls. I heard of metropcs but its not in my 4th largest city in America area
A few weeks in and its looking like Crap-ville. He doesn't communicate with me. I always have to initiate phone calls and then he's always rushing me off the line. How are we to maintain a relationship if he never calls and I "apparently" always call at bad times? Now he's going out to parties and doing millions of other things and I'm like "aren't you there for your mother?" All he has to do is look after her and house work he doesn't have a job over there...
Me I'm working for two now because I have the "great" and unappreciated task of helping him out with money and all the while not receiving even the small token of some type of connection with him. I have a demanding job as an executive, I take care of the dog and the house and yet I make time for him he could do the same instead of giving me excuses as to why he's o'so'busy right? But no my 2-3 calls a day are me "always on his back"
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