Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-15-2010, 12:23 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
155 posts, read 252,536 times
Reputation: 178

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
How would you feel about this?
I'd be none too pleased about it. Probably so much so that the girl would be dropped from consideration to date me. She's already pushing her luck to have a chance with me by already having a child. If she wants to bring him/her along on our first date, then really, that is grounds for termination of the "relationship" or possibility of establishing a relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
Let's say she asks you if it's okay to bring her child with her, what would you say? Assuming you like her a lot and you've already clicked very well in so many areas.
I'd say she'd need to find a babysitter or there will be no date. Kinda hard to say that you like a person a lot and "clicked very well in so many areas" if you've never gone out on a date with them. Seems kinda unrealistic.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-15-2010, 09:12 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
44,348 posts, read 20,051,946 times
Reputation: 115281
Since none of us knows exactly what has been said in the woman's conversations with her potential date, we can't possibly know whether the guy is nice or evil; really is okay with meeting the child or is only putting up with it; etc. We have not been privy to their conversations, so how can we make judgments?

Initially, I thought, "Wow, it would be NUTS to bring a child on a first date!" But when I thought about it, I could envision some scenarios where it would probably be okay, such as the family picnic mentioned above. It should absolutely, positively be in a public place with other people around. That said, the fact that it's a first date and they "met" online is a concern. Also of concern is the fact that the woman has a nanny at home to care for the child, so she doesn't HAVE to choose between going on a date with the child or not going on the date at all. Kind of weird that she wants to do this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2010, 09:25 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,688,647 times
Reputation: 42769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
The pinko commie ultra liberals are gonna bash me here.... I have this strange notion that people shouldn't bring the kids around until way way later.... I'm talking knowing that the person is most likely a keeper.

God forbid people actually try and think about the kids needs ahead of their own.
I agree. I do think that how the adult and kid interact is a huge deal, pretty much a dealbreaker if they don't mesh, but both adults should be able to get to know one another and learn how the other person thinks and feels about parenthood.

If you don't like how she talks about her child, or how she makes you feel in relation to her child, then stop seeing her.
If you don't like his views on discipline and parenting (because you ask him!), then stop seeing him.

It's not that tough to feel the other person out without having to involve the child. Does she seem like a self-absorbed helicopter mom whose spawn can do no wrong? Does he seem like he'll never want to be involved because that's not his kid? How often do we meet people and think, "Wow, I bet your kids are real pieces of work" and then we're right? All the time!

Leave the kids out of it. It's not good for them to see adults come and go, especially if they start becoming attached. They'll quickly learn that it hurts too much to become attached to anyone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2010, 10:15 AM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,141,122 times
Reputation: 46680
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
How would you feel about this? Let's say she asks you if it's okay to bring her child with her, what would you say? Assuming you like her a lot and you've already clicked very well in so many areas.

I'm not sure why my friend thinks this is totally fine. She even had this wide, satisfied grin all over her face when talking about it. She says her date is very excited and looking forward to meet the child. I personally think the guy just felt awkward to say no, so he decided to go along with it.

Of course at that point I really didn't know what to say to her, so I kept quiet.
A totally bad idea for any number of reasons:

1) The purpose of a first date is to know the other person. This is pretty much impossible if you have a rugrat buzzing around.

2) If you can't even have a two-hour dinner date without your child in tow, what does that augur for the rest of the potential relationship?

3) Has your friend realized that this could actually be harmful to the child? After all, if our friend dates frequently, a revolving door of men in her life will prove confusing and disruptive. Just as son as the kid gets used to some guy and even grows to like him...he's gone again.

Total absolute lack of judgment on the part of Mom there. Hey, when things are getting serious, then you do need to bring the kid into the picture. But before then invites disaster.

4) Adults don't interact in the same way when kids are around.

5) I don't suppose it occurred to this flake that when this guy said he was excited to meet her kid, he might have simply been nice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2010, 10:19 AM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,141,122 times
Reputation: 46680
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
The kid is actually a toddler, 14 months.
Oh, THAT guarantees a good first date. She'll be so busy dealing with the child that she won't be able to give the poor slob more than a nanosecond of her attention. Good luck getting a second date after that.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I'd step in front of a bus for my kids. But kids are NOT the center of the parent's universe. There are sometimes where kids take a back seat, and this is one of those times.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2010, 10:21 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 8,324,254 times
Reputation: 12284
As a mother who will give up my life for my child in a nano-second, there is no way, no social "ettiquette", no tame public gathering that would make me subject my 14 month old child to my dating ritual. If she can't find a sitter, she needs to stay at home.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2010, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 14,640,975 times
Reputation: 3784
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
How would you feel about this? Let's say she asks you if it's okay to bring her child with her, what would you say? Assuming you like her a lot and you've already clicked very well in so many areas.

I'm not sure why my friend thinks this is totally fine. She even had this wide, satisfied grin all over her face when talking about it. She says her date is very excited and looking forward to meet the child. I personally think the guy just felt awkward to say no, so he decided to go along with it.

Of course at that point I really didn't know what to say to her, so I kept quiet.

I know it's for the guys but felt the need to chime in. When I was a single parent and dating, I never let my kids meet a date let alone ask if they could join in on a date. I find it completely inappropriate and if I were the guy, I'd take off running the other way.
Likewise, if a guy had a kid (which I didn't date but lets say I did) and asked if the kid could come along. The immediate answer would be no and it would be a huge turn off for me for any future dates.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2010, 10:34 AM
 
3,261 posts, read 5,303,611 times
Reputation: 3986
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
As a mother who will give up my life for my child in a nano-second, there is no way, no social "ettiquette", no tame public gathering that would make me subject my 14 month old child to my dating ritual. If she can't find a sitter, she needs to stay at home.

Absolutely!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2010, 01:22 PM
 
16,956 posts, read 16,749,537 times
Reputation: 10408
I sense a whiff of * desperation * on the moms part. Her childs safety should be number one.

And the guy is just creepy if he does not suggest : " I would like to meet your child in the future , lets see where this is heading " But instead he agrees to it .

I hope we don't see them on the 6 o'clock news , mom and child....

* shudder *
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 09:24 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 17,379,476 times
Reputation: 8075
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
As a mother who will give up my life for my child in a nano-second, there is no way, no social "ettiquette", no tame public gathering that would make me subject my 14 month old child to my dating ritual. If she can't find a sitter, she needs to stay at home.
I agree completely.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:48 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top