How can a deformed man attract women? (boyfriend, marry, husband)
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I'm sorry that some members are upset with me. I'll to be more open to suggestions.
I'm not being superfaical.
I do work hard to be the best person I can be. I've been working hard for years. Not even my best has been able to attract one woman. I'm doing all of the work without any results. I've changed my approuch. I've changed clothing styles, worked out, new hair styles, etc.
Sorry, but I refuse to date someone I'm not attracted to. I'm just like everyone. I need to be attracted to the person to date the person and at most have sex. This does not make me a bad person. No one is a bad person for needing attraction, we all need it to a certain degree. How can you tell someone they are too picky without knowing what they are looking for in a person?
As far as dating someone with a deformity. I'm only open to date someone with the same deformity.
As to the dreads and afro comments. I had an afro early this year. It did not look good on me. Women still didn't noticed me. Dreads do not look good on me. I know this as a fact. As far as facial hair goes. I have very little facial hair. My sideburns are very small. All I really have is a gothe and a mustache.
I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for help. I've tried just about anything one can ask me to do reasonabley on my own.
I'm sorry that some members are upset with me. I'll to be more open to suggestions.
I'm not being superfaical.
I do work hard to be the best person I can be. I've been working hard for years. Not even my best has been able to attract one woman. I'm doing all of the work without any results. I've changed my approuch. I've changed clothing styles, worked out, new hair styles, etc.
Sorry, but I refuse to date someone I'm not attracted to. I'm just like everyone. I need to be attracted to the person to date the person and at most have sex. This does not make me a bad person. No one is a bad person for needing attraction, we all need it to a certain degree. How can you tell someone they are too picky without knowing what they are looking for in a person?
As far as dating someone with a deformity. I'm only open to date someone with the same deformity.
As to the dreads and afro comments. I had an afro early this year. It did not look good on me. Women still didn't noticed me. Dreads do not look good on me. I know this as a fact. As far as facial hair goes. I have very little facial hair. My sideburns are very small. All I really have is a gothe and a mustache.
I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for help. I've tried just about anything one can ask me to do reasonabley on my own.
This may sound irrelevant to your post, but focus less on finding that instantaneous attraction and more on building quality relationships - friendships- with women. A woman doesn't have to be lusting after you on sight to become close to you. That can possibly lead to attraction but on a less superficial level.
All the while focus on bettering yourself personally through education, careers, hobbies and other interests. These will only make you a more interesting person to be around.
Maybe look to slightly older women or more mature women in your age group that share these common interests.
I'm sorry that some members are upset with me. I'll to be more open to suggestions.
I'm not being superfaical.
I do work hard to be the best person I can be. I've been working hard for years. Not even my best has been able to attract one woman. I'm doing all of the work without any results. I've changed my approuch. I've changed clothing styles, worked out, new hair styles, etc.
Sorry, but I refuse to date someone I'm not attracted to. I'm just like everyone. I need to be attracted to the person to date the person and at most have sex. This does not make me a bad person. No one is a bad person for needing attraction, we all need it to a certain degree. How can you tell someone they are too picky without knowing what they are looking for in a person?
As far as dating someone with a deformity. I'm only open to date someone with the same deformity.
As to the dreads and afro comments. I had an afro early this year. It did not look good on me. Women still didn't noticed me. Dreads do not look good on me. I know this as a fact. As far as facial hair goes. I have very little facial hair. My sideburns are very small. All I really have is a gothe and a mustache.
I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for help. I've tried just about anything one can ask me to do reasonabley on my own.
I'm not upset with you.
I've given you my suggestion: therapy, especially group therapy. I think it can help you sort out your myths and excuses. Seeking therapy does not mean there's anything wrong with you. It means you are seeking help with something that upsets you. Clearly this issue is upsetting you.
I also really like robee70's post: focus on making friendships with women while pursuing your interests and career, not worrying about whether they are lusting for you or not. As you say, whether women are lusting over you or not you can't control, but you can control your interests and your own seeking out of friendships.
That's all I got. I'm done with this thread. Good luck ! You've got a promising future ! Focus on the good, not the bad !
I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for help. I've tried just about anything one can ask me to do reasonabley on my own.
I have no pity. But I do have a thought beyond the cookie cutter advice that is thrown at a person in your position. Study your opponent (women), learn what makes them tick, not the surface generalities, but what motivates them. Learn to play to those motivations. Women are really quite simple critters. Regular feeding, some petting and taking them out for a walk regularly will make them faithful companions. You just are spending too much time on your appearance and not anytime on understanding the opposite sex.
Trust me, even great looking guys can have difficulty if they fail to see womens sneaky flirtations. Just asking girls out never works. You have to have established before hand the necessary desire on their part to be asked.
You problems don't lie with your looks, hair, body or clothing. The problem is your attitude & lack of self confidence. Women will not date a guy who lacks personality because very often those same men lack motivation. They don't make for good boyfriends, husbands or fathers and women have radar that homes in on that. You said you are from TN and I am too so I know for a fact TN girls are very forgiving about looks and weight. What they are interested in is guys who are confident because that comes across as manliness and good husband material. TN women marry at a higher percentage than in many other states and marry younger and have more kids. They don't care about the shape of your stupid ears! I know 500 lb men who are married so I know they don't care about looks in general. Heck that's obvious if you see all the non-attractive men in town with their wives.
Your only problem is personality. A good therapist will help you more than any plastic surgeon. I think if you did get your ears fixed you would find you still wouldn't attract girls so then you are really going to feel foolish wasting all that money for nothing. It may also be the way you approach girls. I know many an awkward guy who is so desperate for a woman that they come across as creepy stalkers. Nothing will make a woman run faster! I have to say you come across in a way that reminds me of a number of Aspergers Syndrome guys I've known. Do you have this because that could be the whole problem with dating.
Some women are very attracted to men with deformities, and you may not be deformed enough for them. The woman whom you eventually attract may want to deform you even more. Be careful, standing at the top of a stairwell,
and she's standing behind you or you climb up high on a ladder and she's down below trying to help steady the ladder!
I've worked in any number of long-term care facilities, I'm always amazed how these paraplegics and quadriplegics seem to always attract some women into their lives. And they love them from the bottom of their hearts! Going thru all that work of transferring them to a wheelchair, transferring them into their cars, and taking them out to a movie or restaurant once in awhile.
Some even take them home with them and become their primary caregivers.
[quote=MegamanX;16269140]I've changed my approuch. I've changed clothing styles, worked out, new hair styles, etc.
But the whole list is all about working on superficial change. In other words trying to create an externally changed personae. You don't seem to get it that what so many posters have been trying to tell you is that this IS all superficial and doesn't address the root problem which is that your basic personality is the issue and which is the turnoff.
As far as dating someone with a deformity. I'm only open to date someone with the same deformity.
That's a very peculiar comment.
I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for help. I've tried just about anything one can ask me to do reasonabley on my own.[
Then listen, hear, stop being so quick to defend your position. /QUOTE]
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtneer
You problems don't lie with your looks, hair, body or clothing. The problem is your attitude & lack of self confidence. Women will not date a guy who lacks personality because very often those same men lack motivation. They don't make for good boyfriends, husbands or fathers and women have radar that homes in on that...
.. Your only problem is personality. A good therapist will help you more than any plastic surgeon. I think if you did get your ears fixed you would find you still wouldn't attract girls ..
MegamanX - Read and re-read the above until you're painfully squinting and your brain is hurting. Nobody who's responded is upset with you but most are simply trying to help you out by trying to make you see what you can't seem to see. We all have our crosses to bear in some respect or another but you need to understand that you're not "deformed" but just need some help working on your self image so you can get over the jug/cupped ears you're wrongfully blaming. Good luck!
I've worked in any number of long-term care facilities, I'm always amazed how these paraplegics and quadriplegics seem to always attract some women into their lives. And they love them from the bottom of their hearts! Going thru all that work of transferring them to a wheelchair, transferring them into their cars, and taking them out to a movie or restaurant once in awhile.
Some even take them home with them and become their primary caregivers.
I think people seeking total control are into that. Remember the movie Boxing Helena?
I would almost bet money that you are focusing on the wrong kind of women if you have been told to your face by numerous women that you are unattractive. Decent, classy women do not do this, even if they ARE unattracted to you. If you choose to surround yourself with the sort of people who would call you ugly, rethink who you choose to surround yourself with. If the people you are around are a$$holes, surround yourself with better people.
I would almost bet money that you are focusing on the wrong kind of women
Careful, that's a very dangerous statement to make. If this happens with the majority of women he encounters, you would be saying that most women are the wrong kind of women. And this is just not true, it's a way of deceiving oneself.
What you do with this kind of statement is just shift the problem from him to them. Blame women and just keep searching? Does not sound like a very good strategy.
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