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Getting divorced for sure, she's already in a LTR with another guy. Might be another month before it all gets finalized.
Here's the thing, I can't relax & let my guard down. The minute I do that is when people try to walk all over me.
I have read all the posts on here. I will give you my thoughts Bro.
Just leave them alone for now. Seriously.
Women can hurt men really bad and sometimes the pain lingers for a long, long time. If this is you then heal my friend.
No girl wants to be your therapist for the first 2 years of your relationship. Get over this whole crappy situation you were in and then start something later after you are finalized.
As for the porn and masturbation...well, you need to get a hold of that problem and get some self control.
You might recognize it. Although it was a movie I have experienced this first hand in real life as well..
Her car didn't start. He drove her home. She invited him in. He accepted. She offered him a beer. He accepted and then thought he had better go. She was o.k. with it and he left.
Later. He was dropping her off at her home after going out. She and him started getting hot and heavy in the car kissing. She says, "I still have that beer waiting for you." He stops for a second (moving too fast apparently) he then explains things are complicated in his life. She stops and says, "I just invited you up for a beer!!!" *SLAMS the door and storms off into her house.
Later he tries to talk to her a few days later and she is still pissed. He is begging for a second chance and everything. I laughed and walked away from watching any longer.
Maybe someone can explain this whole situation for me.
It sounds to me like you've been hurt and you don't want to experience that kind of pain again. So, you get them before they can get you. A relationship is a place where a person is supposed to have found a soft place to fall. You turn a relationship into a competition. This game of getting them before they get you is, in fact, a game. It's just your game so you find it acceptable. To wonder your relationships don't last.
. . . Here's the thing, I can't relax & let my guard down. The minute I do that is when people try to walk all over me.
Trust has nothing to do with the other person. The issue isn't that you don't trust other people. The issue is, you don't trust your ability to handle it when they let you down. And they will let you down, even the best of them, because they're human. You need to do an autopsy on your marriage and found out how it died. And I wouldn't even think about getting into another relationship until most of your internal dialog is about how you contaminated your marriage.
An earlier poster was right. Women aren't intimated by you. They are turned off by you. You are unpleasant to be around for long periods of time. If your relationship with your wife is over then act like it. Don't drag her spirit around with you on every date you go on. The lady sitting across from you in the restaurant isn't your wife. Stop treating her like she is.
OK a little light at the end of the tunnel time...
You apparenty have a job, and are mid 30's-40ish. Make no mistake, YOU ARE THE CATCH! They outnumber us 10-1. Sadly, at this age most of the good ones are scooped up. You are dealing with a sea of other peoples cast offs! An attractive female 35-40 has no problem getting dates! However, finding a nice, sane one is like searching for bigfoot, it might not exist. The opposites attract thing should be well played out by now with a male your age, so I suggest simply going to things you enjoy and possibly meeting females WHO ACTUALLY LIKE your interests. The problem with dating sites is I can scan them and then alter my profile to match up with yours, so it looks like we were made for each other. The pro daters all do this!
Never compare anything a prospective does to your former wife, they always assume that means you're not over her. Don't talk about her, and avoid any that say "my ex....insert anything. Don't talk a lot at all, they do all that for both of you.
OK a little light at the end of the tunnel time...
You apparenty have a job, and are mid 30's-40ish. Make no mistake, YOU ARE THE CATCH! They outnumber us 10-1. Sadly, at this age most of the good ones are scooped up. You are dealing with a sea of other peoples cast offs! An attractive female 35-40 has no problem getting dates! However, finding a nice, sane one is like searching for bigfoot, it might not exist. The opposites attract thing should be well played out by now with a male your age, so I suggest simply going to things you enjoy and possibly meeting females WHO ACTUALLY LIKE your interests. The problem with dating sites is I can scan them and then alter my profile to match up with yours, so it looks like we were made for each other. The pro daters all do this!. . .
I don't think the issue is that he can't find women with similar interests. I think the problem is he wants to be King ka maha maya, and the women either walk away from that or he walks away when the woman laughs in his face. Since he's out numbered 10-1 and all the good ones are taken, and only the desperate ones are left, what does that say about the OP's attitude that he can't find one.
I don't think the issue is that he can't find women with similar interests. I think the problem is he wants to be King ka maha maya, and the women either walk away from that or he walks away when the woman laughs in his face. Since he's out numbered 10-1 and all the good ones are taken, and only the desperate ones are left, what does that say about the OP's attitude that he can't find one.
Your comparison to King Kamehameha is fitting. He was known for his sour disposition and his name means "the lonely one".
Trust has nothing to do with the other person. The issue isn't that you don't trust other people. The issue is, you don't trust your ability to handle it when they let you down. And they will let you down, even the best of them, because they're human. You need to do an autopsy on your marriage and found out how it died. And I wouldn't even think about getting into another relationship until most of your internal dialog is about how you contaminated your marriage.
An earlier poster was right. Women aren't intimated by you. They are turned off by you. You are unpleasant to be around for long periods of time. If your relationship with your wife is over then act like it. Don't drag her spirit around with you on every date you go on. The lady sitting across from you in the restaurant isn't your wife. Stop treating her like she is.
That's wise advice.
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women's games...
