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I am very physically and emotionally attracted to a recovering alcoholic. This is an intelligent, honest and attractive. Our values are similar. It seems he got himself into trouble because of depression. In my youth I also had a bout of significant depression because of family issues so I understand how that could happen. I still attend counseling anytime there is a significant stressor in my life such as divorce/death etc.
He is a friend of our family, a very wonderful person actually. At the time he stopped drinking he lost his job and spouse. Being divorced I know how difficult that can be. I had significant reservations about dating a recovering alcoholic. However I decided to go on a few casual dates with him because I like him and know how difficult it can be to date again after divorce. It is much easier with someone you are comfortable with/somewhat safe. I was not his first date.
Our relationship has progressed a bit farther than either of us planned. He he has been sober over three years so far. I would be more comfortable with ten years sober. He seems to work the 12 step program quite well. He is kind, caring and a very wonderful person. However I am scared to death because of the alcoholic history. Half of me wants to run for the hills and the other half feels if he stays sober I could easily and happily hang around a long time.
I don't have a lot of experience in this area. I welcome any advice.
Three years is a good amount of time. Question - does he still deal with depression? If so, the equation changes.
I am not a proponent of 12 step programs, but for those who can handle them, more power to them.
AA has a one year rule - don't date anyone in your first year. In his third year (as long as there are no untreated psych issues), I say go for it.
Even "normal" people can be scary and dangerous. I ought to know. Hooked up with one in the profession and he was the Worst.Guy.Ever. No diagnosed mental health issues, no substance abuse issues. Just a pathological liar.
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