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I understand what you're saying, but I actually read that heavy drinkers really do outlive non drinkers..hard to believe, I know, but the evidence is pretty overwhelming
Being a heavy drinker or being with one would not fit my idea of "living". The article also noted that moderate drinkers (1 to 3 drinks per day) had the highest survival rates.
Now he's sober and apologizing. Says he wants me to give him a chance to not black out.
Uggh. What a vicious cycle. What are you getting out of this relationship? Maybe you like the drama/rollercoaster? There must be some kind of emotional payoff for you or you wouldn't put up with this.
I'm pretending to be in your boyfriend's shoes. On one hand, I could have a nagging girlfriend b****ing that I "drink too much" because I may get drunk every other weekend or so. On the other hand, being as how it hasn't affected my life in any way, shape, or form beyond this nagging girlfriend, the only problem I see here is the girlfriend. If I hadn't become violent, never got a DUI, never even vomited from my "excessive drinking," and if this hasn't affected any other part of my life... Maybe the problem is you? Maybe you're more fun to talk to if I'm drunk? Maybe I like to let loose a little on the weekends? Maybe you should go hang out with your girlfriends while I hang out with my buddy Jack D or Jim B? Maybe there are just too many over-dramatic people in this thread ready to cry "ALCOHOLIC" at the sign of the first beer...
To be honest, if I lived with a nag, I'd probably start drinking on weekdays too, just to **** you off more.
yes
this.
and this board always jumps to the "that guy is a scumbag and you can do better" line in almost every thread.
Being a heavy drinker or being with one would not fit my idea of "living". The article also noted that moderate drinkers (1 to 3 drinks per day) had the highest survival rates.
Whenever you read articles like that you have to use a little common sense. Are they factoring in everybody who dies 0-16? The vast majority of whom are NOT going to fall under the casual or problematic umbrella. Then how are they getting their figures? How many people who die in car accidents, suicides, cancer, heart attacks, but ALSO were problem drinkers were reported? Do you think the mourning family told the funeral home to add heavy drinker to the survey? "Ohh yeah you should put down mom was a lush, too!"
He's not addicted to alcohol. He can go without it and be fine. He's currently unemployed (was laid off recently) and is looking for a new job, but hasn't had much luck. I think he just gets drunk because he has nothing better to do right now. And he's not drunk every single day, more like one day out of the week every couple of weeks. I know I said once a week, but I don't remember. Maybe I should start documenting the dates when he's drunk.
Sometimes, having time on your hands is the worst thing. I'll bet that his drinking has stepped up since he lost his job,
yes? I've often heard: "Idle hands are the devil's playground" and I know (on a personal basis), that it isn't hard for those,
"poor-me's", to become a call from the bottle, saying "poor me, pour me another drink". Another creative suggestion that
I saw from another responsive person, was to point out how valuable a tool it would be, if you videotaped your boyfriend but
(at intervals), on one of his typical weekend drinking bouts. I was a blackout drinker too, I was one of those drunks could never
just put the plug in the jug at a point in the evening where I was just "rosy", tipsy or had that warm glowing feeling, the euphoric
enjoyment of just a few drinks. If I didn't pass out, the evening was a bore. I've gotten away from problematic drinking although
I'm still an alcoholic. Thank God for old age, I really don't have the stamina, the steam or the desire to drink to that excess anymore.
It was the 20th year through the 50th year of my life that I suffered (along with those who loved me), the most. I can only say that
as hard as you try to get your guy off and away from the booze, it may well never be accomplished by YOU. Your boyfriend needs an
epiphany, an awakening and often that only comes after he's "hit bottom", had some monumental problem that will have to take place,
before he opens his eyes and makes or takes a positive step in life, for HIMSELF.
There are others herein who think that maybe it is time for you to disconnect yourself from him, to cut and run and protect your
own heart from the hurt that you feel, the confusion that clouds your thoughts and mostly, from a miserable life with him in the event
that he still has some distance to go before reaching the bottom. Perhaps if you videotape him when he's blown out on a Friday night
and can get him to sit with you and see himself "in situational glory", he might agree to call up his local AA chapter or group and get
hooked up with them, they are the best people in the world to help him but only if he WANTS the help. AA saved my life once, I know
that if he gives it a sincere effort and becomes honest with himself and realizes that in addition to loving you, that he can also learn to
love himself and through a balanced sense of self love will come self respect and then will come the greatest gift of all, that gift of a
happy and normal life and a future without needing the crutch of alcohol. I wish you happiness and will hope for the best for you.
I'm pretending to be in your boyfriend's shoes. On one hand, I could have a nagging girlfriend b****ing that I "drink too much" because I may get drunk every other weekend or so. On the other hand, being as how it hasn't affected my life in any way, shape, or form beyond this nagging girlfriend, the only problem I see here is the girlfriend. If I hadn't become violent, never got a DUI, never even vomited from my "excessive drinking," and if this hasn't affected any other part of my life... Maybe the problem is you? Maybe you're more fun to talk to if I'm drunk? Maybe I like to let loose a little on the weekends? Maybe you should go hang out with your girlfriends while I hang out with my buddy Jack D or Jim B? Maybe there are just too many over-dramatic people in this thread ready to cry "ALCOHOLIC" at the sign of the first beer...
To be honest, if I lived with a nag, I'd probably start drinking on weekdays too, just to **** you off more.
I think what's going on here is, the people who have been married to, or in a committed relationship with an alcoholic have read some of the stuff I wrote and internalized it and were the quickest to point out "oh he's an alcoholic."
And lisalan, the Canadian, you not only jumped to that conclusion, you also tried to argue with me and tell me I was in denial when all I did was give more background information as none of you really know me or my boyfriend and whatever I read on here I take with a grain of salt anyway. I provided more information, and instead of taking it in replying with some insight, you straight up say I'm in denial. But then again, you are Canadian.
I'll probably receive a bunch of replies saying I'm in deep denial, or that I'm "backpeddling", but whatever. I've already figured out the answer to my original question.
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