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I have 2 kids from previous marriage - ages 9 &12. I have always gotten along with my ex (of 6 years) pretty well & we even caught up on the phone like old friends. Last weekend my ex calls ME & he was very chatty. All in the same converstaion he stated he could not pay half of my son braces payment like he had said he would because he is broke- then turned right around and said as he was dropping the kids off at his mom's house during his visitation to go out to the entertainment district for the night.
Well, something my head clicked and I wondered what kind of idiot I was even trying to extend my friendship to someone like this for all these years. I looked my husband (I'm remarried) & my baby and wondered why on earth he was ever tolerant of me chatting with my ex. I thought about how I would feel if he talked to one of his exes about anything not child related- and the truth is I would hate it.
So I told my ex firmly that I wanted NO contact with him unless it was 100% about the kids & only if absolutely needed. At the time he took it ok, but the following day unpromted he texted my husband and said "he was tired of me talking bad about him to our kids, called me some names,stated that he wished to speak to my husband so that maybe he could mediate & that I would be sorry". I have no idea what he is talking about. I have argueed with him, but never talked bad about him around the kids. My husband kindly refused and said that he was not a mediator and that all of this would resolve now that we plan to have no contact.
Well, I did not contact him or prompt it at all & 2 days later I get an email stating that he has contacted an attorney and warned that my "slander" must stop, that the braces are cosmetic & he is not paying, and that all correspondance should be directed to his attorney......which that part is fine with me.
My main question here is since this unexpected & will most likely resolve itself & no formal charges have been filed do my husband I have to hire legal representation? I have no problems with forwarding bills/correspondance to his attorney vs. him. Of course if we felt we needed defense we would- but at this point it is almost like my ex is just paying someone to handle his mail & emails.
Also on weekends that are his- he had been picking them up from us late on Fridays so that he could finish his work shift vs. picking them up from school like our decree states. Now he is holding us to every detail of the decree-so I do not feel we should be paying for afterschool care for his days. If he can't pick them up at the assigned time is he forfieting his visitation? My daughter is in a chior that sometimes sings on weekends. He agreeded to let her join & take her to events. So am I supposed notify his attorney about her performance dates or just take her out?
Confused, but I have a feeling this is a phase & going by the books won't last long since all visitation was at his convience before?? Advice?
If he's broke, he's not hiring a lawyer. And for what? The next time he says something like that, ask him for his attorney's name and phone number. He's blowing smoke at you.
OK, first things first--if you're talking badly about him the kids, knock it off. (Only you know whether you are doing it, so I'm throwing that in there.) IANAL, but if you're not talking him down to your kids, then you probaboly don't need legal representation at this point. Having said that, you might want to keep a lawyer's number handy, just in case your ex decides to create more of a problem for you.
Second, from the sounds of it, he's throwing a tantrum. It will probably get worse before it gets better, but it will eventually pass. In the back of his mind he probably thought there was a chance that the two of you would eventually get back together. (We all know it's never going to happen. But for some guys...what can I say? Hope springs infernal.) So for now, all correspondence goes through the lawyer, including your daughter's choir rehearsals/performances.
Third, if covering the braces is part of the decree, then you may need a lawyer to get him to cough up for it. It may be easier to just pay for them yourself, considering you'll likely have to pry the money from between his tightly-clenched...fingers.
And lastly, kudos to your husband for not getting into the mix. He seems like a very wise person.
He says his parents are paying for it & he did include his attorney's contact information in the email stating my slander must stop & not to contact him. I was wandering why I was contacted by him-not his attorney?? I have no idea what basis of these claims are, but we have better things to spend $ on (like our kids) than playing games.I think it is some kind of "warning" but no formal charges have been filed against me. So I will just co operate and send all correspondance to his attorney & hope this is not unwise. Althought with the nature of the allegations I will have to send every little ? to his attorney icluding anything about pick up times, school functions, EVERYTHING.
I have spent hours trying to think of what I might have said to the kids about him. I did suggest to HIM that he should spend his visitations with them vs. going out, but I did not mention it to the kids.
RockJock- You are right- It may be easier paying the braces ourselves. We would spend the half he is supposed to pay on legal fees.
If he's broke, he's not hiring a lawyer. And for what? The next time he says something like that, ask him for his attorney's name and phone number. He's blowing smoke at you.
Agreed! Call him on it next time he brings it up! I guarantee you if he did have an attorney, you would have already been notified of it in writing FROM the attorneys office. Ignore him. He's mad because you stopped being his "buddy"... oh well.
I'm not a lawyer, but I don't see the sense in hiring one to threaten your ex about "slander" when you owe her money and don't stick to your divorce decree. And his parents are giving him money to get an attorney but not for their grandchild's braces? Right. My sister-in-law's ex used to threaten her with lawsuits too, claiming that his dad was paying for it. He was full of it.
If your ex has gotten an attorney, I wouldn't worry about it. You can wait to be contacted, but if the wait is filling you with anxiety and dread (sounds like it), give him or her a call. I don't think you need to send anything at all to the attorney--what for?
I have 2 kids from previous marriage - ages 9 &12. I have always gotten along with my ex (of 6 years) pretty well & we even caught up on the phone like old friends. Last weekend my ex calls ME & he was very chatty. All in the same converstaion he stated he could not pay half of my son braces payment like he had said he would because he is broke- then turned right around and said as he was dropping the kids off at his mom's house during his visitation to go out to the entertainment district for the night.
Well, something my head clicked and I wondered what kind of idiot I was even trying to extend my friendship to someone like this for all these years. I looked my husband (I'm remarried) & my baby and wondered why on earth he was ever tolerant of me chatting with my ex. I thought about how I would feel if he talked to one of his exes about anything not child related- and the truth is I would hate it.
So I told my ex firmly that I wanted NO contact with him unless it was 100% about the kids & only if absolutely needed. At the time he took it ok, but the following day unpromted he texted my husband and said "he was tired of me talking bad about him to our kids, called me some names,stated that he wished to speak to my husband so that maybe he could mediate & that I would be sorry". I have no idea what he is talking about. I have argueed with him, but never talked bad about him around the kids. My husband kindly refused and said that he was not a mediator and that all of this would resolve now that we plan to have no contact.
Well, I did not contact him or prompt it at all & 2 days later I get an email stating that he has contacted an attorney and warned that my "slander" must stop, that the braces are cosmetic & he is not paying, and that all correspondance should be directed to his attorney......which that part is fine with me.
My main question here is since this unexpected & will most likely resolve itself & no formal charges have been filed do my husband I have to hire legal representation? I have no problems with forwarding bills/correspondance to his attorney vs. him. Of course if we felt we needed defense we would- but at this point it is almost like my ex is just paying someone to handle his mail & emails.
Also on weekends that are his- he had been picking them up from us late on Fridays so that he could finish his work shift vs. picking them up from school like our decree states. Now he is holding us to every detail of the decree-so I do not feel we should be paying for afterschool care for his days. If he can't pick them up at the assigned time is he forfieting his visitation? My daughter is in a chior that sometimes sings on weekends. He agreeded to let her join & take her to events. So am I supposed notify his attorney about her performance dates or just take her out?
Confused, but I have a feeling this is a phase & going by the books won't last long since all visitation was at his convience before?? Advice?
First of all, you aren't an "idiot for trying to extend the friendship" all these years. I'm sure that was healthier for your kids to see than anything else and was a good plan as long as both of you were equally friendly.
Too bad you've hit this bump in the road now and things have gotten more contentious because your kids are the ones who will suffer
He seems to me to just be throwing a big ole temper tantrum. I think he's actually trying to deflect attention off of himself by making this all about you - so don't fall for it.
He knows he should help pay for those braces but probably doesn't have the money. It's amazing how some parents can start justifying why they shouldn't have to do something when it comes down to parting with money they'd rather have for other things
Like Julia said, he has no money for a lawyer so call his bluff and say, give me his name and number and I'll be happy to communicate thru your lawyer - HA! it won't happen, just watch. He's just trying to scare you with saying his parents are paying for an attorney.
Let the other stuff go for a few days and see if things calm down. There is no sense escalating things if there is the possibility this can all still blow over.
I have 2 kids from previous marriage - ages 9 &12. I have always gotten along with my ex (of 6 years) pretty well & we even caught up on the phone like old friends. Last weekend my ex calls ME & he was very chatty. All in the same converstaion he stated he could not pay half of my son braces payment like he had said he would because he is broke- then turned right around and said as he was dropping the kids off at his mom's house during his visitation to go out to the entertainment district for the night.
Well, something my head clicked and I wondered what kind of idiot I was even trying to extend my friendship to someone like this for all these years. I looked my husband (I'm remarried) & my baby and wondered why on earth he was ever tolerant of me chatting with my ex. I thought about how I would feel if he talked to one of his exes about anything not child related- and the truth is I would hate it.
So I told my ex firmly that I wanted NO contact with him unless it was 100% about the kids & only if absolutely needed. At the time he took it ok, but the following day unpromted he texted my husband and said "he was tired of me talking bad about him to our kids, called me some names,stated that he wished to speak to my husband so that maybe he could mediate & that I would be sorry". I have no idea what he is talking about. I have argueed with him, but never talked bad about him around the kids. My husband kindly refused and said that he was not a mediator and that all of this would resolve now that we plan to have no contact.
Well, I did not contact him or prompt it at all & 2 days later I get an email stating that he has contacted an attorney and warned that my "slander" must stop, that the braces are cosmetic & he is not paying, and that all correspondance should be directed to his attorney......which that part is fine with me.
My main question here is since this unexpected & will most likely resolve itself & no formal charges have been filed do my husband I have to hire legal representation? I have no problems with forwarding bills/correspondance to his attorney vs. him. Of course if we felt we needed defense we would- but at this point it is almost like my ex is just paying someone to handle his mail & emails.
Also on weekends that are his- he had been picking them up from us late on Fridays so that he could finish his work shift vs. picking them up from school like our decree states. Now he is holding us to every detail of the decree-so I do not feel we should be paying for afterschool care for his days. If he can't pick them up at the assigned time is he forfieting his visitation? My daughter is in a chior that sometimes sings on weekends. He agreeded to let her join & take her to events. So am I supposed notify his attorney about her performance dates or just take her out?
Confused, but I have a feeling this is a phase & going by the books won't last long since all visitation was at his convience before?? Advice?
This is exactly why I refuse to get a divorce while raising kids.
These are things you still have to work out with your ex. Times, days and events. Shoot! It's like still being married except you have no say in your child's life now unless you go through the courts.
I think your ex sounds immature. Threatening is not going to help anything.
I don't see how what he is claiming meets the legal criteria of ''Slander." It is something that is usually public that results in an issue relative to employment, renting, ect... Someone sounds a bit overdramatic.
Definition: 1. saying of something false and damaging: the act or offense of saying something false or malicious that damages somebody's reputation
2. false and damaging statement: a false and malicious statement that damages somebody's reputation
Slander is the oral communication of false statements that are harmful to a person's reputation. If the statements are proven to be true, it is a complete defense to a charge of slander. Oral opinions that don't contain statements of fact don't constitute slander. Slander is an act of communication that causes someone to be shamed, ridiculed, held in contempt, lowered in the estimation of the community, or to lose employment status or earnings or otherwise suffer a damaged reputation. Slander is a subcategory of defamation.
The basic elements of a claim of slander include;
a defamatory statement;
published to third parties; and
which the speaker or publisher knew or should have known was false.
Slander is primarily covered under state law, but is subject to First Amendment guarantees of free speech. The scope of constitutional protection extends to statements of opinion on matters of public concern that do not contain or imply a provable factual assertion. If the slander unjustly accused you of a crime or reflected on your profession, the court or jury can assess the damages. For other types of slander you generally must prove some actual damage to be able to recover.
Slander of title is a common law tort involving a disparaging remark regarding ownership of property. It affects the owner's ability to transfer the property, resulting in a monetary loss.
Don't waste money getting an attorney. Even if you had got a letter from one engaged by your Husband it does not mean much. Threats of suits mean nothing until they are filed with a Court. Letters from attorneys just give them something to bill for. Be careful sending things to his attorney or you might just get a bill for services.
Sounds like a bunch of hot air from your ex. Ignore it and him. Unless you want to engage a suit for failure to provide child support that is. Sounds like you have more of a claim than his "slander" one.
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