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Old 10-28-2010, 09:41 AM
 
206 posts, read 746,398 times
Reputation: 218

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although i have now been a resident of Northern Va for 7 years, I am now 23 years old and still have not found a place to belong to here. so my story is really complicated. i grew up a diplomat's child, so there wasn't a lot of environmental or psychological stability in my life. i've lived in many continents of the world and have had to pack up and wrap up my life only to be forced to start over again in a totally new environment every 3-4 years. now at 23, i find myself absolutely bereft and forelorn and lonely and discontent.

i have not, over the years, been able to gather a close group of friends. i do have a few really good friends but they are scattered around the globe and i keep in touch with them though modern technology. because of the constant change in my life, i was always the new kid, and never fit in at school and by the time it seemed like i had found a place, i'd be forced to move, leaving what little friends i had made behind. i moved to the u.s 7 years ago now. i joined langley high school during the last semester of 10 grade. since i had missed the entire 10 grade pretty much, i spent the next two years of high school trying to play catch up with all the school work i had missed. i spent the last semester of tenth grade in my counselor's office taking online classes and the next two years i spent in freshmen and sophomore classes. everyone thought i had failed or something and that i was the oldest one in the bunch made it so hard to find friends. i'd spend lunch time in the library sitting in the stacks and after the day was over would promptly take the bus home while my classmates hung out in the parking lot chilling for hours. as it went, i graduated high school with practically no friends and no memorable memories. i never went to homecomming and prom, never joined any clubs and never got the "high school" experience as they say. then, i went to community college because i couldn't get into a decent 4 year program beccause of the problems in my education due to my move here. things didn't look up socially for me there either. i made like one friend, who wasn't very social herself and so the first two years of my college were also depressingly quiet and lonely. i never had friends to go to parties with or hot d.c to go clubbing with. i lived at home and my social life revolved around my family. then i transfered to U.Va. i couldn't adjust to the college socially in the short two years i had there either and have graduated now with like 1 friend in the entire school.

i now work in a job where there are no socializing prospects. i'm exactly where i was 7 years ago when i first moved to the u.s.

what is wrong with me?! how can i fix myself so that i can introduce quality relationships in my life? i'm always in tears and infinitely depressed at my miserable, lonely existence. i want friends, i want love, i want to find my place and belong to a social circle in northern virginia. now i'm kicking myself for not taking advantage of all the built in socializing opportunities at college. post grad life is even lonelier! what can a lonely 23 year old girl do to find her place and a social circle in this area?

PLEASE please help me!!
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Old 10-28-2010, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,245 posts, read 95,502,328 times
Reputation: 40110
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariagostrey View Post
although i have now been a resident of Northern Va for 7 years, I am now 23 years old and still have not found a place to belong to here. so my story is really complicated. i grew up a diplomat's child, so there wasn't a lot of environmental or psychological stability in my life. i've lived in many continents of the world and have had to pack up and wrap up my life only to be forced to start over again in a totally new environment every 3-4 years. now at 23, i find myself absolutely bereft and forelorn and lonely and discontent.

i have not, over the years, been able to gather a close group of friends. i do have a few really good friends but they are scattered around the globe and i keep in touch with them though modern technology. because of the constant change in my life, i was always the new kid, and never fit in at school and by the time it seemed like i had found a place, i'd be forced to move, leaving what little friends i had made behind. i moved to the u.s 7 years ago now. i joined langley high school during the last semester of 10 grade. since i had missed the entire 10 grade pretty much, i spent the next two years of high school trying to play catch up with all the school work i had missed. i spent the last semester of tenth grade in my counselor's office taking online classes and the next two years i spent in freshmen and sophomore classes. everyone thought i had failed or something and that i was the oldest one in the bunch made it so hard to find friends. i'd spend lunch time in the library sitting in the stacks and after the day was over would promptly take the bus home while my classmates hung out in the parking lot chilling for hours. as it went, i graduated high school with practically no friends and no memorable memories. i never went to homecomming and prom, never joined any clubs and never got the "high school" experience as they say. then, i went to community college because i couldn't get into a decent 4 year program beccause of the problems in my education due to my move here. things didn't look up socially for me there either. i made like one friend, who wasn't very social herself and so the first two years of my college were also depressingly quiet and lonely. i never had friends to go to parties with or hot d.c to go clubbing with. i lived at home and my social life revolved around my family. then i transfered to U.Va. i couldn't adjust to the college socially in the short two years i had there either and have graduated now with like 1 friend in the entire school.

i now work in a job where there are no socializing prospects. i'm exactly where i was 7 years ago when i first moved to the u.s.

what is wrong with me?! how can i fix myself so that i can introduce quality relationships in my life? i'm always in tears and infinitely depressed at my miserable, lonely existence. i want friends, i want love, i want to find my place and belong to a social circle in northern virginia. now i'm kicking myself for not taking advantage of all the built in socializing opportunities at college. post grad life is even lonelier! what can a lonely 23 year old girl do to find her place and a social circle in this area?

PLEASE please help me!!

Plenty.

First, find a good therapist to discuss your issues and to gain some insight into how you may be contributing to your own lonliness so that you can make different choices and have the life you want

And secondly, get outside of your own little life and world by finding a few ways to volunteer.

Sometimes being so focused on our own unhappiness keeps us stuck there forever.

You need to understand that there are millions of other people in even more desparate straits than you are. Focus on being a positive influence in someone else's life and you have a whole lot less time to ruminate on your own troubles.

Become a "big sister" for a disadvantaged little girl thru the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program. Tutor kids in an after school program for at-risk kids. Join a service club like the Sierra Club which works to protect the environment.

Take your pick based on your personal interests - but find SOME PLACE to volunteer your time.

And third, join a book club, a photography club - whatever kind of group that promotes something you like to do on your own. This is how you'll meet others with similar interests and you'll begin to make some new friends.

Best of luck to you honey - now, get busy!
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Old 10-28-2010, 11:30 AM
 
Location: The Pizzle, FLorida and Poconos in Pa
362 posts, read 350,795 times
Reputation: 235
She's a foreign diplomat's child, that requres therapy? I think it's more of a cultural divide. Give her a break.

OP, I think you're smart to be picky about your friends and not let yourself get too americanized. It's hard for people who grew up in the US to make friends with all the distractions. I see young couples driving down the street and both of them are on cell phones talking to someone ELSE. That's what you're missing out on... nothing. Stay choosy and close to your family. You're young, pick your friends carefully. If you don't connect, there is good reason.
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Old 10-28-2010, 11:44 AM
 
3,060 posts, read 7,800,229 times
Reputation: 3277
I agree with lovesMountains that therapy is in order. You seem depressed and feel hopeless - please get yourself some professional help - someone in real life to talk things through with and help you come up with some real life goals and plans. Life online is "real" only to a point and cyber friends are also limited in what they can do.

Basically dear, you need to get off the computer and out in the real world. Try Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup as well for people in your area looking for others to hang out with.
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Old 10-28-2010, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,245 posts, read 95,502,328 times
Reputation: 40110
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeepoRsheep View Post
She's a foreign diplomat's child, that requres therapy? I think it's more of a cultural divide. Give her a break.

OP, I think you're smart to be picky about your friends and not let yourself get too americanized. It's hard for people who grew up in the US to make friends with all the distractions. I see young couples driving down the street and both of them are on cell phones talking to someone ELSE. That's what you're missing out on... nothing. Stay choosy and close to your family. You're young, pick your friends carefully. If you don't connect, there is good reason.

She is feeling stuck, lonely and unhappy, you seem to just want her to stay that way.

Some of you people think the word "therapist" is a dirty word, and it's not. In fact, that kind of ignorant attitude is what keeps many people who could lead much happier lives from getting the help they need in the first place

I didn't say she was mentally ill or needed medications or anything radical. I just said she could benefit from the guidance of a professional who can help her get to the bottom of her feelings and find some positive ways/new strategy for dealing with them.

Personally, I believe in being proactive. At times when I've been miserable I've been very motivated to do what I have to do to feel better and get to a happier place. I wish all people would take as much personal responsibility for their own happiness.
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Old 10-28-2010, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,584 posts, read 19,536,312 times
Reputation: 18817
It's not too late to continue your education or take classes in something that interests you. What are your interests? Do like dancing? Take some dance lessons and meet new people. Cooking? Take some cooking classes and meet new people.

At some point it will take some initiative on your part to make friends, don't always wait for them to invite you into their world.

I've copy & pasted a paragraph from an article for you--try one of those websites as a jumping off point and get out there.

There are organizations in the DC area who host events for the sole purpose of helping new people in the area meet others. They have events from dinners and bar hopping events to cruises and speed dating. Two large companies which offer these services are Things To Do and www.prosinthecity.com. See what events they have on their calendars and choose ones which you feel may interest you or you would have fun at.
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Old 10-28-2010, 02:06 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,078 posts, read 26,862,170 times
Reputation: 18133
Many people will never see the places or have the experiences you've had, but I quess as a kid growing up and not feeling as though you have roots anywhere can be tough. If your looking for a warm homey type community, you wont find it in the DC, Fairfax, Alexandria area. Thats just my opinion though. But that area is full of organizations where you can meet people with a common interest and give your life a sense of meaning other than work and home. Best Wishes.
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Old 10-28-2010, 03:05 PM
 
4,898 posts, read 17,716,786 times
Reputation: 3860
i dont agree that therapy is the answer here. you seem very well adjusted, but just had a different upbringing--and some would say a very fortunate one where you were able to live in different parts of the world and live in different cultures. i feel spending time in a therapists office isnt the way to go.
i DO agree with COOLHAND in that you should find a hobby that you really enjoy and meet people there. also, i bet there is some place on the web for people who grew up just like you that can relate to what you are going through.
go out into the world. go hang out in a coffee shop or the like and when you find one you really like, keep going back. it's a great way to meet people who frequent the same place often and strike up conversations.
maybe it sounds corny, but there must be something like a bowling league you can join and maybe you wont make a close freindship, but it will get you out and around people.
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Old 10-28-2010, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,245 posts, read 95,502,328 times
Reputation: 40110
Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
i dont agree that therapy is the answer here. you seem very well adjusted, but just had a different upbringing--and some would say a very fortunate one where you were able to live in different parts of the world and live in different cultures. i feel spending time in a therapists office isnt the way to go.
i DO agree with COOLHAND in that you should find a hobby that you really enjoy and meet people there. also, i bet there is some place on the web for people who grew up just like you that can relate to what you are going through.
go out into the world. go hang out in a coffee shop or the like and when you find one you really like, keep going back. it's a great way to meet people who frequent the same place often and strike up conversations.
maybe it sounds corny, but there must be something like a bowling league you can join and maybe you wont make a close freindship, but it will get you out and around people.

Did you really read all she wrote???

The right therapist would do this young lady a world of good, can't believe some of you can't see that

Or maybe you missed this part, "i'm always in tears and infinitely depressed at my miserable, lonely existence"
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Old 10-28-2010, 04:09 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 14,549,128 times
Reputation: 15322
In addition to what LovesMountains said...

Greater DC Cares (http://www.greaterdccares.org/HomePage/index.php/home.html - broken link) It's kind of a clearing house for volunteer projects. I used to do stuff with them many years ago. Most of the volunteers are in their 20s.
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