Do you cheat? (dating, girlfriend, girl, husbands)

[hindsight2020]

I've lost faith in humanity.

[TheBeagleLady]

Originally Posted by hindsight2020

I've lost faith in humanity.

Was it my Candyland confession?

[SD4020]

Originally Posted by dogwalker425

Was it my Candyland confession?

Totally I am shocked.

[Vanna10]

Originally Posted by Book Lover 21

This fascinates me. I totally respect your opinion and your right to your opinion, but I confess, I just don't understand it.

What is it about sex, a physical activity and the idea of your mate engaging in it with someone else, that is so horrific? I mean, it's just physical.

If my husband had an emotional love affair with another woman, I would feel different, but just rutting, grunting sex? I mean, you used the word "destroy" three times in your post. Would it really destroy you if someone cheated on you?

Again, I know my opinion is not in the mainstream, just saying I don't understand it.

I now know what destroyed feels like, finding out my man was looking to cheat on me. I lived four decades without being cheated on and not cheating, so I guess I was lucky. But that one day, the one minute I found out, I was, indeed, destroyed. It knocked me out. I was down for two solid months. I'm still not fully recovered. I can only equate the feeling with finding out my father suddenly died.

What cheaters, or people who "don't get it" don't get, is the depth of misery the other person feels. I had to experience it to understand it. And mine wasn't even actual cheating, he was just hosing around on the web. That may be why we're working it out and I didn't instantly end it with him.

I've never cheated and I never will. Especially since now I know what the other person goes through. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

[paladinking]

,very good ,thinks a lot...

Originally Posted by purehuman

not everyone cheats, and if sex in a marriage is boring anyone with sense should know that there's a million ways to spice it up.. Cheating is never acceptable at any age.. I've been married over 35 years and it just gets better with age. If you have to worry about a partner cheating, well you're probley better off without. faithfullness, respect and curtesy make for a wonderful long lasting relationship built on trust and that, my friend , is love

[Mooseketeer]

Originally Posted by Book Lover 21

This fascinates me. I totally respect your opinion and your right to your opinion, but I confess, I just don't understand it.

What is it about sex, a physical activity and the idea of your mate engaging in it with someone else, that is so horrific? I mean, it's just physical.

If my husband had an emotional love affair with another woman, I would feel different, but just rutting, grunting sex? I mean, you used the word "destroy" three times in your post. Would it really destroy you if someone cheated on you?

Again, I know my opinion is not in the mainstream, just saying I don't understand it.

If Hubby no longer loves me and wants to sleep with someone else then I expect him to come and tell me to my face. I will be devastated but at least there will be some honour and bravery to it.

For many people sex is not simply rutting, grunting copulation. For many of us sex and emotions are tied together and intimacy is what defines sexual experiences. It is for me. I have never cheated on anyone and cannot even begin to imagine ever doing it. I would have to have a complete personality change .

The idea of betraying someone I am supposed to love for a little roll in the hay is simply incomprehensible to me. I am a bit more than my loins hopefully and as animal as I might be as a human being I am also a sentient being with the power to tell right from wrong and to empathise with others.

I understand the consequences of my actions and have the capacity to resist temptation. I hope for my sake that I am a little more than my clitoris and nipples.



I have no issue with people who chose to behave like alley cats as long as they have not led someone to believe they were into an exclusive relationship.

Once you engage into a committed relationship, certain rules have to be adhered to. A modicum of respect for the person you claim to love is a good thing. Cheating on someone is demeaning, disrespectful and cruel.

And yes sorry to disabuse you but it does destroy people. I used to volunteer for "The Samaritans" helpline and the number of people who were suicidal or chronically depressed because of some "inconsequential" grunting, rutting pecadillos was the majority of the calls. That and abusive parents.


Cheating is a form of abuse. You take someone's peace of mind and happiness and then you grind it down into oblivion by deciding that a few minutes of orgasms is more important than someone's life. You kill them by killing all they value and cherish.


Human beings are led by emotions. Who we are as people is defined by our relationship to others whether we like it or not.

Emotions run very high when it comes to sex. Most of us humans are possessive. We need to be loved and desired and cheating spits in the face of this. It tells your partner you are not enough. Not good enough. You become inadequate as a human being, the worst message anyone can receive from someone they love or trust.

Just as parents will ********* up , so will lovers. If two adults consent to a mutually exclusive relationship then a contract is entered into. A contract based on trust and a feeling of belonging.

I am a deeply monogamous person. I do not expect everyone else to be so and in fact I have a certain amount of respect for honest, open alley-cats who "***** it about" publicly as there is no pretence and you cannot claim to not know if you enter into a relationship with them. If you want to define yourself by your genitals that's fine by me. I prefer my sex with a side order of love and commitment.



I love my Husband completely conditionally, because of who he is. Someone who has no interest in porn and does not cheat on me. He is as committed to me as I am to him. We spoke to each other about cheating when we first entered into a relationship and made it clear to each other that cheating was a no-no. Not negotiable. No maybes, no second chances. Both of us feel strongly about it.



I love him because he is a good man, loyal and faithful and I trust him with my life. Should this change and I found out he was playing hide the sausage with some other woman , yep you bet it would destroy me.

I would have given my life for 22 years to a complete lie, lived a farce basically with a complete stranger. Every memory I have of us would be soiled, everything dirtied and cheapened. Also I would want to destroy him and that is not healthy. I am a vengeful person by nature and anyone who does this to me I would have to make them pay. Injustice has a way to make me quite riled up.

Sadly cheating destroys people because people care. Love is even more important than sex as bizarre as it might be to some people. And there is no love without trust and respect.

If you love someone you don't cheat on them. Period. You no longer fancy them, fair enough. Then you talk to them , explain you are no longer attracted to them and wave good-bye. Then you can open your legs to someone else. Until then the contract should not be broken.

Human sexuality is deeply complex but even more so is our psychology and how we react to other people's actions.

People need to realise their actions have consequences. "It didn't mean anything" simply does not cut it.

People I know who have been cheated on are left with scars which never truly heal. They never trust again, in future relationships they turn obsessive and jealous or even worse they pretend to their spouse they are OK with the betrayal and live with this cancer eating away at them every single day until nothing is left of your soul.

Cheating is abuse. It might not leave physical bruises but the mental scars run deep. Living without trust and self esteem is not something I would wish on anyone.

Cheating is cowardly, cruel, nasy, demeaning and destructive. It is utterly contemptible and shows only disrespect for the other person. And ultimately for yourself too.

Either you chose to be polyamorous and open about it which is fine or you chose a life of monogamy. Nobody forces anyone to be in a committed relationship. You chose to do so and as such must hold to your side of the bargain. Anything else is vile betrayal and in many ways as bad a hitting a wide/husband. It has the same effects.

And all for what, a little genital stimulation ? Sorry but not worth it.

I just wish some people would realise ( I think they know but refuse to accept it because it would mean having to adjust their lifestyle) that cheating is a crime against a loved one. Pure and simple.

[Book Lover 21]

That was a good post and gives me a little more insight into the thought process most of you have. Thanks for taking the time to explain it to me.

But don't you think this huge emphasis on sexual behavior is a cultural thing? How else do you explain the casual attitude some other cultures have toward sex?

I mean think of the attitude in this country 100 years ago about women covering their ankles. Their husbands would be seriously distressed if their wives showed their ankles. It sounds silly now and we can laugh about it, but it didn't make their outrage and sense of betrayal any less real.

Or consider the feelings about some muslim fathers in other countries. If their daughteres were found in a car with a man who is not her blood relative, it us acceptable for her father and brothers to murder her for destroying the honor of the family. Are their feelings or reactions less valid because their culture is so different?

My point is this: If your husband cheated on you, chances are you would feel destroyed because our society TELLS you that you should feel destroyed in this situation. I think you feelings would still be real and valid, but it would be a result of how this particular culture has trained you to think and feel.

[Mooseketeer]

Originally Posted by Book Lover 21

That was a good post and gives me a little more insight into the thought process most of you have. Thanks for taking the time to explain it to me.

But don't you think this huge emphasis on sexual behavior is a cultural thing? How else do you explain the casual attitude some other cultures have toward sex?

I mean think of the attitude in this country 100 years ago about women covering their ankles. Their husbands would be seriously distressed if their wives showed their ankles. It sounds silly now and we can laugh about it, but it didn't make their outrage and sense of betrayal any less real.

Or consider the feelings about some muslim fathers in other countries. If their daughteres were found in a car with a man who is not her blood relative, it us acceptable for her father and brothers to murder her for destroying the honor of the family. Are their feelings or reactions less valid because their culture is so different?

My point is this: If your husband cheated on you, chances are you would feel destroyed because our society TELLS you that you should feel destroyed in this situation. I think you feelings would still be real and valid, but it would be a result of how this particular culture has trained you to think and feel.

We are all the product of our culture to a certain extent. Even as an avowed Atheist I have to recognise that some of my feelings are due to a Judeo-Christian set of values. Everything we do in life is shaped by our environment, our social interaction with others and our personal experiences since childhood.

The point is though that most of us feel things partly because we have because of nurture but I believe nature also plays a huge part in it.

"Crimes Passionels" seem to occur in many cultures and I suspect most human beings have a deeply embedded sense of possessiveness and of self worth being attached to the way others treat us. All of us need to be loved, all of us want to be wanted. It is a primal need, just as primal as sex and possibly even more potent.

Betrayal seldom sits well with anyone and cheating is betrayal. A betrayal of trust as well as a show of disrespect. If you tell someone you love them and them alone then you encourage expectations with that declaration.

Cheating does not matter if sex does not matter, if love does not matter and if trust does not matter. For most human beings, cultural conditioning or not, sex does matter. I have met people who cheated on their spouses who would have been devastated had they been cheated on and possibly enraged to the point of violence. Yet they saw their betrayal as "different". "It didn't mean a thing". So someone is willing to destroy someone for something that did not mean a thing, simply a little grunting and rutting.... ?!? I remain puzzled.


The wrong in my opinion is the cultural pressure to conform to a certain sexual morality if it really goes against the grain. If it does not hurt anyone else then I don't care what someone does in the bedroom. When it hurts someone then a line has been drawn in the sand.

There is too much pressure for people to marry for example still or to commit. Not everyone is monogamous by nature. They have the right to be who they are as long as they are honest about it.


When two people consent to be in an open relationship that is fine. Both know what they are getting into. But to expect a human being who genuinely believes he/she is loved and respected to the point of mutual sexual exclusivity not to be hurt is incredibly naive at best.

To hurt someone intentionally , especially someone you are supposed to love has to be one of the worst thing you can do to another human being's psyche. It puts the victim in the "trash" category, the " does not matter" . It makes you recede into emotional oblivion. In essence a cheater is saying "I come first , you don't count". How dismissive and incredibly selfish.

I say this as someone who loves sex, I find immense pleasure and satisfaction in my sex life but to me without feelings it is nothing but genital friction. Sex without love to me might as well be performed by a d.i.l.d.o I might as well be a machine with no emotions , simply an animal .

My most erogenous zone is my brain. And my heart. There is nothing sexier than being with someone you share everything with and that you love to bits and trust with your life.


I would be devastated if Hubby cheated on me because this is not the man I fell in Love with. I would in essence has slept with a stranger, been close to death and through hell with a stranger and been lied to for 22 years. I would have been made a fool of, deceived and abused. If anything society tells me to accept it meekly and not make waves. "Men will be men", "it's just sex".


I think our culture if anything has encouraged marital deception by pressuring people to get married who were not ready to and then expecting the other spouse ( in the old days the woman) to take it and accept that all men are bastards and will eventually cheat on you. You marry, he cheats on you, cry a little then pull yourself together and go back to the kitchen. Our society seems to find cheating on the whole an inconsequential part of life and the effects of infidelity are if anything swept under the carpet.

If I was really following our cultural expectations I would in fact be sleeping around, dressed like a ***** every friday night trying to emulate all the so called brain dead celebs we are all supposed to aspire to. Our culture says everything is about sex. Fashion, music, film, food, it is all about sex. Maybe those of us who value fidelity are the ones who are going against the tide. I know I feel like an outsider for pointing out the over sexualisation of everything in this world.

[thebobs]

I cheat. I copy off of Seeniorita's crib sheet every time. Hmmm, maybe that is why I've been getting F's lately.

[seeniorita]

Originally Posted by thebobs

I cheat. I copy off of Seeniorita's crib sheet every time. Hmmm, maybe that is why I've been getting F's lately.

HA!!! You underestimate me Bobster ......I know you have wondering eyeballs and set you up! That'll teach ya to keep your eyes front and center Mr!!!!